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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm beautiful and it's terrible

272 replies

ToesandToads · 12/11/2022 03:34

It's not really is it?

I've seen a few women commenting that being beautiful is to be harassed and abused so it's rubbish to be beautiful.

That's not my experience.

I have never been harassed.

I've never been bothered at all.

I don't get followed. Touched.

I'm not saying that men are delightful. They're not. But they don't bother me.

And never have.

I am beautiful though.

OP posts:
Lovelycupofcoffee · 12/11/2022 06:45

sorry typing too fast have not gave 🤣

SavoirFlair · 12/11/2022 06:45

Everyone is focusing on the perceived conceitedness (and don’t get me wrong, i can imagine it is fun for some to poke at a woman who says “I’m beautiful” )

… but for me we’re missing the worst part of this possibly wind up thread.

That's not my experience.
**
I have never been harassed.
**
I've never been bothered at all.
**
I don't get followed. Touched.

Where do I start with this totally tone deaf, insular, unfeeling post @ToesandToads ?

As a woman I am glad for you that you have never been followed, touched or harassed.

But what on EARTH is this fallacy, this ridiculous assertion that somehow a so-called beautiful woman is more likely to get harassed, or touched? And that somehow you’re unique, blessed, protected?

Consider yourself lucky. You are not an outlier or a statistic to be celebrated and somehow lauded. We are not looking for patterns or precedents in your experience.

Many women get followed, harassed, etc. but we aren’t sitting here wondering if our beauty was the issue that caused it. Or wondering why no one has bothered thus far to try it.

Your whole argument is insulting to the thousands of women who are followed, assaulted etc, but who aren’t afterwards thinking “I’ve been beautiful all my life, why didn’t this happen to me before?”

Your lived experience @ToesandToads is valid to you and thank you for sharing, but it is not all our lived experience. We know nothing of where you live, the propensity and risk for such incidents, your daily movements, crime statistics in your area etc. so your post is just a nice rant.

I am glad you have been safe, I continue to wish you safety as I do all women.

RobertsRadio · 12/11/2022 06:47

LoveShitJokes · 12/11/2022 06:37

Hi Samantha! 👋

😂😂

Newmum0322 · 12/11/2022 06:48

“I've never been pretty. I'm tall and spiky

And I have never been sexuality bothered or harassed.”

Question asked… and answered?

BrokeAsABone · 12/11/2022 06:50

Lovelycupofcoffee · 12/11/2022 06:44

Oh god now I gave that James blunt song going round and round in my head 😂😂

You have to sing the end of it in your head and then it will stop.

SavoirFlair · 12/11/2022 06:52

Newmum0322 · 12/11/2022 06:48

“I've never been pretty. I'm tall and spiky

And I have never been sexuality bothered or harassed.”

Question asked… and answered?

No. Not at all.

See my post above. There is not some scientific theory which says a person who is beautiful is more likely to be sexually assaulted.

There is a fallacy however where women who are assaulted and perceived as “attractive” are more likely to be believed.

phys.org/news/2016-11-women-sexual.amp

PortiasBiscuit · 12/11/2022 06:53

Oh leave her alone, there is nothing wrong with knowing yourself and owning it. Would you rather OP was a cowering heap of insecurities, like a woman is “supposed” to be?

sorrynotathome · 12/11/2022 06:54

A lot of nasty comments here but I agree it’s a strange post. I’m interested in women who, like me, don’t experience the harassment and fear that we are told we are constantly subjected to. I’ve never been considered beautiful or attractive, although you wouldn’t run screaming from me.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 12/11/2022 06:55

PortiasBiscuit · 12/11/2022 06:53

Oh leave her alone, there is nothing wrong with knowing yourself and owning it. Would you rather OP was a cowering heap of insecurities, like a woman is “supposed” to be?

You can be fine in yourself without boasting about it on mumsnet and then oddly saying that you’ve never been harassed which doesn’t have any link to how she feels in herself.

VladmirsPoutine · 12/11/2022 06:57

'The beautiful' post among us mere average looking humans. We have truly been blessed.

ThatshallotBaby · 12/11/2022 06:57

For millennia women’s looks have been prized by men. Being beautiful was and still is a kind of power. This is the part of patriarchal society in most cultures.

Beauty is just luck, like many things. But like class and money, it will have an impact on your life.

@ToesandToads I think you have been lucky enough to never meet a creep or a rapist. It is just luck though.

StopThe · 12/11/2022 06:58

Great you haven't been sexually harassed or assaulted.
I have. It's awful.
I'm attractive and nice. The assault and my looks aren't related. It wasn't my fault. He was a dick.

Not sure why you're posting

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 12/11/2022 07:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder though. I am not beautiful but I am lucky enough to have the “ideal” body shape: small waist, big boobs and a round bum. I’ve have my bum squeezed by total strangers and men as if they can feel my boobs or if they’re fake and once if he could put his face in them and shake it around. Erm… no thanks.

ThatshallotBaby · 12/11/2022 07:02

Men’s behaviour is not women’s responsibility. It has been made to feel that way though, but it really isn’t.

TheVanguardSix · 12/11/2022 07:05

Predators aren’t after beauty, OP.
Glad you haven’t experienced what so many of us have.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/11/2022 07:05

Isn’t it amazing how women absolutely hate to hear another woman bigging themselves up. Can’t wait to mock and insult her.

op I have no idea what it’s like to be beautiful. I am plain at best. I have still been harassed, touched, assaulted.

MadelineUsher · 12/11/2022 07:06

It's pointless, anecdata of one, etc. Also, anecdata of one:

I am considered beautiful. I have been harrassed by men since the age of ten.

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/11/2022 07:07

ToesandToads · 12/11/2022 03:34

It's not really is it?

I've seen a few women commenting that being beautiful is to be harassed and abused so it's rubbish to be beautiful.

That's not my experience.

I have never been harassed.

I've never been bothered at all.

I don't get followed. Touched.

I'm not saying that men are delightful. They're not. But they don't bother me.

And never have.

I am beautiful though.

Well, good for you.

🙄

Redkettle · 12/11/2022 07:07

Give it up for the ugly harrased people. Yay.

Kabbalah · 12/11/2022 07:07

Just looking the part can get you a long way. Being an ostensibly attractive women will make you stand out and get you noticed. It can be the difference betweeen getting the job or not: they’ll always remember the good looking one. And believe me, quite a few women have made a success jfrom just how they look. Now you can attract the wrong sort of attention, Weinstein , but you learn to handle that. Conversely you can put men off, they think you’re unapproachable and “up yourself”. Yes, looks are a mask and they will fade but they don’t disappear overnight.

Admittedly you can attract unwarranted comment and attention ,from women too, but it’s a problem I’d rather have than not. A bit like having too much money or being too thin.

Having brains and a good education helps too.

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/11/2022 07:07

TheVanguardSix · 12/11/2022 07:05

Predators aren’t after beauty, OP.
Glad you haven’t experienced what so many of us have.

This.

Dalekjastninerels · 12/11/2022 07:12

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 12/11/2022 07:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder though. I am not beautiful but I am lucky enough to have the “ideal” body shape: small waist, big boobs and a round bum. I’ve have my bum squeezed by total strangers and men as if they can feel my boobs or if they’re fake and once if he could put his face in them and shake it around. Erm… no thanks.

Lucky you!

I have the hideous apple shape.

My body will never be sought after.

I will always be second choice because I have an undefined waist.😭

JosephFrancis · 12/11/2022 07:15

is your apple crumble by far the most
crumble-est, but you act like it tastes bad outta humbleness?

twinklystar23 · 12/11/2022 07:18

Fine for the OP to comment that shes beautiful.

Women aren't piling on as much as for the goady post, so in line with your subject title OP why is it terrible to be beautiful? When you then continue to state that you have never encountered any harassment or predatory behaviour from men ?

What EXACTLY are you suggesting?

Westendbuoys · 12/11/2022 07:19

I'm tall and spiky

Are you a cactus?