To think this comment basically means I’m unattractive?

[namechangerduh]

Woman said to me “I wouldn’t say you were classically attractive, you’re like model like, if you get me, not pretty”

This.

She's probably jealous.

Arg god my MIL calls women handsome. It's not a great thing to be called is it?!

Why not? Men can be beautiful and women can be handsome.

A good friend once introduced me to a new friend of hers at a party, who apparently I share ethnic ancestry with....

Friend: "Hello new friend, meet my beautiful friend CantSleep. You are both beautiful and Irish!"

New friend "ah yeah Hi. You look like all the girls who went to my catholic school" 🤷🏻‍♀️

I mean, how do you even respond to that?! It was said in a very dry manner. I think I just smiled then didn't speak to her much again. People say the weirdest things op.

@ReneBumsWombats I think these types of comments are things you should maybe not say directly to the person. They may not be meant to be offensive, but they can make people feel uncomfortable.

Well I certainly wouldn't just walk up to a woman I'd never met and tell her she was handsome or whatever. But "handsome", to describe a woman, has a particular meaning and it's definitely not that she looks like a man (that would be "mannish", which does have negative connotations). It is a kind of beauty, but a better descriptor of it: strong and enduring features. I think Lena Heady is handsome.

I'd take it as a compliment!

I grew up in the 90s, where being thin was super important. I couldn't imagine ever being offended if anyone said the words model or corpse bride to me or if I could accurately describe myself as petite with large eyes. I now appreciate, as the culture has changed, that large curvy women can be seen as attractive. But I honestly can't imagine a world in which looking like a Tim Burton cartoon would ever be seen as the wrong side of attractive.

I would take it as an awkwardly expressed compliment and then not give it another thought. People say any old shit, half the time they're not even thinking about what's coming out of their mouths. Me included.

Wow I think that's a lovely complement. Pretty and modelesque are both beautiful but clearly very different. I can't believe you'd be offended by that.

Thanks everyone, I agree it’s a self esteem issue more than anything. My ex used to ask if I wanted a boob job, manager also made jokes about them (I don’t actually know why - they’re proportional to my body!)

Its not a humble brag i promise. There’s nothing modelesque about me. It came across as really nasty. I’m petite as I said and short so I don’t see in what way I could be a model.

And if I had a choice I’d rather be called pretty than unique or not conventionally attractive. It makes me think people look at me and think crikey she’s odd looking isn’t she. The same ex used to say “people stare at you the street” and laugh.

@namechangerduh I think maybe she meant that models almost always definitely have those cheekbones going on.

It sounds like your ex was really abusive and that makes comments like this even more triggering.

Your ex is a prick who would say you looked like a green flamingo if he thought that would hurt you. He'd say HE looked like a green flamingo if he thought that would hurt you. Your manager is also a complete tosser who needs to be reported to HR. That's completely unacceptable.

Basing your self worth on what pricks and tossers think is a path to madness. Why don't you base it on what decent people think? Or even yourself?

I quite like it. I don’t see it as a ‘masculine’ word as such. It’s just a bit old fashioned I think - you always see women and girls called handsome in older literature, like a Jane Austen or similar.

Models are usually striking facially. You say gaunt - you probably have killer cheekbones and great shape face. Make most those big eyes.

I think she was complimenting you and just fluffed it.

This pic of Anya Taylor Joy matches your description. I'd go with that x

I think we should all allow ourselves to have a humble or not so humble brag at least once a day, anyways. And celebrate other women in doing so. Do we not want our girls to celebrate and be proud of their best qualities, talents and accomplishments when they grow up?

Your ex IS a prick.

Matey. You are Probably absolutely beautiful. Really.

Love yourself. Seriously.