Cleaner had her DC there with her today

[changinglanesagain]

I've had my cleaned for about 3 months. She's really good. I really like her work

Anyway, I gave her a key last week and today I popped home for lunch unexpectedly. She had her DD there with her...

Apparently it's a teacher training day for them and so her DD had to come too. I asked why she couldn't reschedule to do another date or even better, come this evening?

She said she couldn't come this evening due to her DS coming home, he's disabled, and she'd just much rather not let me down for my allocated day so thought she'd just being DD along

I said okay... and that was that

AIBU to think she should've asked my permission first?

So not to drip feed, she was sat at my dining table doing colouring and had a few toys out

It would bother me if child left unsupervised tbh. Child could be a horror - scribbling on furniture or walls, playing with stuff she shouldn’t be, which could result in damage. I would let it go this time, but would ask that if this situation arose again, that I would want to be told/asked.

What if the op needed to use the dining room table for her own work?

Well presumably she would have told the cleaner and child she needed the table.

Bringing her well-behaved school-age child as a one off. Cannot see an issue with this. I'm guessing those who think it is unreasonable either don't have their own DC, work from home or have family nearby. Inset days can be difficult childcare-wise as there are no clubs etc available as there are during the holidays.

I can kinda see your point, but I think some empathy and a discussion with her is your best approach. Consider you are talking about a working mum and a well behaved child. A child sat quietly colouring while the mum works to feed and clothe said child. Do you think she wanted to drag her kid to work or jeopardise a good position? She’s also revealed that she has a disabled child at home meaning she has to stick to her set days/times. That must be tough. Maybe she had no childcare or it fell through at the last minute. Most of us have been there. Yet despite all this she said she didn’t want to let YOU down…

She’s doing a good job. You house is clean. You liked her so much you gave her a key. So maybe discuss future childcare provision in such circumstances and school holidays so you can reach an agreement. The odd day wouldn’t bother me at all.

We had this exact same thing. Turned up back home slightly early and our cleaner had her multiple children with her without asking. They had all my kids toys all over the house and garden, had helped themselves to food and drink (obviously wouldn't have minded if asked but seems a bit rude to help yourself), the dogs were in the garden before we had put up a gate (had just moved) and so could have got out onto the road and actually one of the dogs is very nervous so I never would leave him unattended with children. Any kids not just unknown ones. I thought it was very rude.

Would you have said no though? If you pay weekly she may have been relying on that to get through the weekend.

She hasn’t said that she wouldn’t stop you from bringing your child with you, just that she would like you to ask first. What is unreasonable about asking first?

Our cleaner used to bring her children with her occasionally. I didn’t mind, they were well behaved, quite shy, mum had obviously told them to be on best behaviour. It sounds like the cleaners daughter didn’t caused any issues. Let it go.

Maybe it's a personal thing but I'd be so happy to come back and see my cleaners little one colouring at my table! My folks were well off and had a regular cleaner when I was a kid and I remember the first time she bought home her baby and she bought him in for years after that until he went to school! So it's normal to me. And she was always a great cleaner. It wouldn't make any difference to me.

I think this is very fair indeed.

I agree. Thank you

I manage a cleaning company. I would always ask clients beforehand if cleaners need to bring their young child, we have never had a problem with this. Customers are FAR more likely to be arsey about their appointment being rescheduled than a cleaner bringing a small child to quietly colour whilst they clean. I do agree she should have asked but I also think that you would be the first to get your back up if she called to reschedule.

No, but a little kindness never goes amiss.

I hope your cleaner finds a kinder employer.

Why is this a problem. Even if said child had made a mess she could have cleaned up after them!

It's her house though! You wouldn't be able to just rock up at any other job without checking with your boss if was ok to bring kids.

It’s not the same then is it? OP has said cleaner bought 1 child who was sat colouring. No carnage caused.

I was going to ask if you knew how difficult it was to hold down a job when you have a disabled child - and then I read your latest post about you knowing the cleaner was a specialist nurse. Unless the DD drew on your walls or carved grooves into your dining table, cut her some slack FGS. It's not like she's bringing her DD every week and she's trying to work as normal to provide a decent service to her new customers.

Not sure why people are being so harsh OP. Someone who you have given access to your home under specific circumstances has abused your privacy.

I personally would have been fine with it if she'd asked, but like you I'd have been a bit upset coming home to find a strange child in my house.

What would you've said if she'd asked?

Think yourself lucky you have a good cleaner and give her a break as childcare is more than what you pay her I'd imagine so just be human and give her a break

So you know she has a disabled child and was a professional before she had to change her career to fit around her caring needs? And yet you expected her to come in the evening?

She said she couldn't come this evening due to her DS coming home, he's disabled, and she'd just much rather not let me down for my allocated day so thought she'd just being DD along

Your lack of compassion for another human being is revolting.

I think maybe she could’ve let you know but I really couldn’t get worked up about this

@RaininSummer · Today 18:45

I don't think its a case of being bothered or not. Its just common courtesy to ask first

Absolutely correct.

I'm amazed how many people just got understand this.

If someone cannot understand, why they should ask first...it's no surprise that kids grow up without understand basic manners and boundaries, if their parents think this way.

It's not about was the child running rampage in the house. It's a person in your house, that you haven't given permission to be there. It's a lack of respect.

You’re paying her to clean your filth. She has a disabled child so couldn’t change her hours. Her DD couldn’t go to school. She still showed up for work. Give her a break.

Downstairs you say? Unattended? A poor child would thieve the silver surely!

Just because she can afford childcare on her low wages and she has a disabled child.

What an absolute liberty op. You will surely need a spa day to relax.

Given how hostile you sound, no wonder she didn't ask.
You would probably have said no or made it hard for her, then cancelled on her and not paid her.

@Boxofsockss well it's the same thing in that she brought her children without asking, but no doesn't sound like any damage was done.