To think this was weird?

[zipperkz]

Had to take DS to an appointment today and we had to catch the bus. At the bus stop, a woman was there with her toddler and once we got on the bus asked where we were going, I told her the hospital and she said she also was. She then started telling me all about her child's disabilities etc, and then she asked about DS’s I told her I didn't feel comfortable telling her, she then asked if I wanted to meet up for a coffee after their appointments, I politely declined and told her we had plans.

Has anyone experienced anything like this before, I never had and it was rather odd but maybe that's just my opinion, AIBU?

I got chatting to a mum in the dr waiting room while getting my sons 6 week jabs. Over 11 years later we are still close friends and a good support for each other. She must have though you looked friendly and was probably lonely. You are not obliged to indulge her but I think you maybe came across rude when you refused to tell her what your child was going to hospital for, it’s obviously just small talk, no need to be cagey.

You 100% did not do anything wrong @zipperkz and I cannot believe the hard time you are getting. Being called a rude arsehole, unkind, miserable cow, cold-hearted etc etc etc.

Even if this woman WAS friendly and her intentions innocent and good, the OP was under NO obligation to say yes to having a coffee with this random woman on the bus. And yes she WAS a random women. The OP didn't know her, she had never met her before, and she was nosey and intrusive.

I swear some people on here take the piss and would no WAY have behaved any differently to the OP. They would have been unnerved, bothered, or freaked out. Same as the OP.

'How do you make friends then?!' someone asked. Hobby groups, workplace, neighbours, mum and baby groups, Church, through other friends etc etc etc. Not by striking up conversations with random people on the fucking BUS, asking them personal questions about their child's disability, and asking to go for a coffee.

Fuck me! First that ghastly thread where a woman is chastised for not being friendly and KIND towards her male neighbour who is a generation older, and comes outside every time she comes outside, and now this shit! WTAF is going on on here today? I don't know a single PERSON who would yes to some random on the bus striking up a conversation and saying 'fancy going for a coffee?' Weird. AS. FUCK. And NOT 'NORMAL' despite many posters saying it is!

You're the one that's weird!

Jesus. You don't have to be friendly to her but do you haev to be such a dick about it?

I hope you wasn't rude to her 😩

I think I have this thread figured out now - people are using it to pile on OP to make themselves feel better.

"I'm such a good person I would totally give up my afternoon plans to sit with a stranger who just randomly trauma dumped on me during a bus ride to the hospital when I really wanted to concentrate on my daughters medical appointment."

It's one of those situations that so easy to say what you would do when you're not actually the one who has to do it!

This thread makes for a sad read.

I don’t think this is correct at all. Lots of people, including me, have said that this has happened to them and they’ve made a friend from it. It’s not an odd thing to do, it’s very human.

I don’t think the OP has to share information or go for coffee with anyone she doesn’t want to, but to post about it online and call the woman weird is actively mean. The woman on the bus did nothing wrong.

No one is saying the OP was wrong to politely decline a coffee. But it was clear from her opening post that the other woman recognised something in the OP's DS that she thought they could both empathise with each other. The OP made this sound odd. Essentially she judged a woman who was offering her a supportive ear! And she did ask was she being unreasonable. And she got a resounding yes.

It's nothing about being a good person or making myself feel better, I'm a naturally friendly person with a wide variety of friends. Looking after children with autism can be a lonely experience and I love talking to people. I wonder how many friends has OP got? She's is a bit odd.

You're all saying you met people and chatted to them an in some cases became friends. In any of those cases did either party start by jumping stright into a deep and meaningful about the difficulties in your life? That's the part that weird.

I've met loads of people at parties but one sticks out in my mind as being odd Before I'd even manged to get myself a drink they started talking about how they'd been attending anger management classes and everything that lead to that. Of course I want to help my friends through difficulties but it's not resonable to ask for that level of suport from someone you've just met!

But if you'd not been atva party. And you'd been on a bus to the same anger management class. Wouldny it be less weird?

Time and time again on MN we talk about the fact that women are socialised from a young age to ‘be kind’ to someone even when that person makes them feel uncomfortable. In some cases, this has resulted in women putting themselves in harms way.

If the lonely parent on the bus was a man everyone would advise the OP to run a mile. The fact she is a woman, allegedly with a disabled child (the OP does not know the woman from Adam - the child could be anyone’s) and is “seeking friendship” means the OP should ignore her intuition and discomfort about this woman asking her intrusive questions and go out for a coffee with her. MN double standards at its finest.

It’s absolutely irrelevant that so many of you have made friends by happenstance in similar circumstances. That’s great. As it happens, I’ve also been for a coffee with a stranger (school parent I met at DD’s first day in Reception). That doesn’t mean it was right for the OP to befriend this person and she is fully entitled to find the behaviour odd if that’s how it felt to her.

We are too quick to dismiss women as unfriendly and unfeeling if they don’t respond in a ‘kind’ way to strangers.

@Eastie77Returns men normally have a psychical advantage over women that put women more at risk. Most people are not saying the Op had to go for coffee with the woman, just don’t come and bitch about her on the internet and call her weird for trying to make conversation. That is not #bekind its #dontbeadick

Less weird maybe, but still weird! And its more akin to me going to the same community center and they don't know what class I'm attending.

Eastie77 has nailed it - why should OP ignore her instincts? it's probably true that this woman was just lonely and wanted a friend, but why is that OPs responsibilty just because she happened to be on the same bus?

OP wasn't rude and did nothing wrong. She has asked later if an interation where someone suddenly starts telling a stranger all about their personal family issues is odd. Yes that absoutly is odd, but for some reason OP has been piled on.

💖@ghostsandpumpkinsalready Thank you for sharing this heartwarming experience. 💖

Oh give over, ffs. The woman reached out to someone who was travelling to the same place (presumably for the same purpose) whom she thought she might have something in common with.
Getting intrusive from that says a whole lot about you, I'm afraid.

I believe your discomfort was aroused by this woman's approach. Telling you who was a total stranger the details of their child's medical needs in detail and then asking you about your child is a little strange, but as you said you were off to the hospital then that could be why . When you said you were not

Did she ‘quiz’ her though?

Hahah most mumsnetters don't even answer the front door can't imagine most posters would go for a coffee. She sounds lonely and I would have had a chat with her, notunusual at all especially here in wales people talk on bus all the time. I probably wouldn't have gone for coffee though tbf but only cause I'm a miserable cow lol

I’ve re-read the OP posts and cannot see where she has bitched about anyone.

The woman asked her about her son’s disability. OP explained she was not comfortable discussing the subject. The woman persisted in asking OP to join her for a coffee.

I must be in a fucking parallel universe. How and why was the OP a dick in this scenario?? She was polite, declined an invitation from a stranger and explained she did not wish to discuss a very private matter related to her child. Completely normal.

As for coming on here to discuss the what happened to her..well yes, that is what MN is for. To vent, talk about incidents and solicit opinions.

I think it's the fact that she called this interaction 'weird'. Fair enough if she doesn't want to talk to this woman or meet with her, but I don't think it's weird for a fellow parent to try to strike up a conversation.

Exactly. She used the words weird and odd about the encounter. It was neither.

What gives you the right to tell the OP what she felt was invalid? If it felt weird to her then it felt weird. None of us were there.

It wasn't objectively weird, that's the point.