Skint Wife and Rich Husband

[TheSkintWife]

I have name changed for this thread.

My husband of 3 years is in a much stronger financial situation than I am. He earns a little bit more but has a lot of savings thanks to a large inheritance. The house is in both names but we're in a fairly low value area so not worth a big sum. We each pay half towards all bills and mortgage. He is earning a decent amount of interest every month on his savings whereas I'm getting into debt to try and make my share of the monthly costs.

We are married but it's been a short marriage so far and I don't want to split with him for this. Even if we were to split at a later date I wouldn't be entitled to his inheritance. We don't have children and both work.

He is really quite tight with his money and he has designer labels on all of his clothes and drives a nice car. I'm in Sainsburys clothes and knackered old Fiesta (which I love but that's not the point).

Is this how marriage should work? We were equal when we married for all those thinking I married him for his money I didn't. He inherited after marriage and I didn't know about the wealth of this relation.

This doesn’t sound like much of a marriage / partnership to me. I’d have a chat and say you’re struggling to pay your share of the bills and want to change the split to 60/40 so he pays more. If he complains I’d be telling him that he’s in a much better position financially than you and and it’s not fair that you’re struggling so much whilst he’s flashing his cash on designer clothes. Also I don’t see why you wouldn’t be entitled to half his inheritance if you split, it’s a joint asset is it not?

When I, unexpectedly, received a large inheritance from an uncle, it went straight into one of our joint accounts. And there it stays. When we had little, we shared everything, and now we still share everything.

Thats what marriage should be.🙂,

Op, how could you have married someone who thinks this is acceptable???

It's only a short marriage. I would cut your losses and get the hell out. If he has reached the age he has and thinks this is ok, there is actually nothing you can say to him. He is a lost cause. You shouldn't have to explain something like this. He is disgusting and he won't change. There is no need to live like this. It's not a marriage. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but how can you respect or be attracted to a man like this? Don't ruin your life.

Does he love you OP? Why wouldnt he want you to be happy? Does he know you are in debt?

I'm not expecting him to supplement my living costs with his inheritance but he also earns more and earns interest on his inheritance which is just making the divide bigger.

Why not?! Marriage is a partnership and assets should be shared -- not 50/50, but instead you both give 100% and build a life together.

There’s two things here. I don’t think anyone should have to share an inheritance with a new spouse (especially if no shared children are involved), it’s up to them what they do with the money. The real problem here is that you’re not splitting household costs relative to your incomes. I would re-negotiate this ASAP so you’re not getting yourself into debt paying the bills.

Me and DH opened a joint account when we married 42 years ago. ALL money goes into that account and everything is paid out of it. The only money we treat as our own is money we each get for birthdays and Christmas.

Over the years we have both received inheritances (both quite large amounts) and they went into the joint account. We then discussed what to do with the money. No way would either of us have thought of that money as our own.

He may be thinking about what to do with his inheritance but he should be discussing it. He is just very very selfish.

No way on earth should you be splitting the bills etc 50/50 when he is then left with so much that he can afford designer clothes etc. Horrible man

My jaw dropped at that too, but not at the man.

This

Leave him

What was the point in getting married then if not to share the same lifestyle?

My partner inherited a large sum on the death of their mother and its been spent on paying off a big chunk of the mortgage.

That's what he should be doing, reducing your mortgage capital, so you have less interest to pay, especially with the shitshow coming in interest rate hikes. In a sweep, your monthly outgoings will reduce and you wont be sliding into debt.

I don't necessarily think inheritances should be shared, especially in a short marriage with no children.

However, I do think you should both be paying the bills in an equal proportion to your income, and if he is receiving interest on his inheritance, I'd include that in his income when doing the calculations.

Basically, income coming into the team should be split on a fair basis, but the underlying capital (the money he's inherited) could potentially be ring fenced. To me, it depends on who the money came from, and what they hoped the beneficiary would do with it.

Here, the question is, OP, is your DH thoughtless (and it hasn't occurred to him that he should be factoring in his significant interest income when deciding how much you should both pay towards costs) or is he mean (and he knows you're getting into debt)? You seem to know a fair bit about his finances... does he know about yours too? I.e. does he know what inequity there is in your set up?

If he's thoughtless, have a conversation when you're both calm.

If he's mean, he's not going to get any better.

That is what a marriage should be, we've had our lean times and better off times and both have been shared equally, we're a partnership.

At the moment the bulk of our money coming in is from his endeavours, but it's still our money and we discuss big ticket items, state of play after bills, what we'd like to do, etc. I had an inheritance we paid off the mortgage with some of it, we invested the rest, if I die tomorrow it will all go to him as it should, it is his as much as mine now. He hasn't and won't inherit but so what? Still doesn't make what I inherited solely mine - we share, are fair and work together and have done in both the good and bad times.

We don't shy away from discussing money, finances, needs and wants and never have done.

Don't worry OP, the rate he's spending it it will soon be gone and you'll be equal again.

My ex did this with an inheritance and it went in less than 5 years. Brand new car, golf holidays abroad every year, expensive clothes - but wouldn't pay off the mortgage, or anything sensible in fact. And when it was gone he kept on spending, asking me when my inheritance was coming from my nan (All 6k of it). It went on paying off the debts.

This sounds very similar. If I were you I would leave him and be in charge of your own money. He won't change.

My husband wears designer clothes and I wear a mix of designer and cheap clothes.

he has a very nice car that turns heads and I have a rubbish old car.

I earn substantially more but couldn’t care less about these things in life.

My husband also inherited, not a vast sum, but sizeable enough to make a big difference to our living conditio. He was very clear with me that it is our money. So far we have mostly used it for the renovation of our house. Our 15 year old car, the one we use for all the kids, buggies and dogs has just died so we'll also be getting a new car that will serve our family.

I earn nearly three times what he does. My husband does all of our child care, working part time in the evenings. My salary pays all the bills (everything!) Plus is enough for my own personal needs. His is our treats/ holidays/ unexpected expenses and his personal needs. This works really well for us, and neither I (the higher earner) or he (of inherited wealth) view the money we each have as belonging to one of us, we are a partnership and a family above all else.

I would be very hurt and angry if my ‘D’H thought it was ok for me to struggle and go into debt whilst he had a huge inheritance and splashed the cash on himself. This isn’t what marriage should be at all.

Me and DP share everything and we aren’t even married. He inherited 20k 6 years ago, used some towards a house deposit (we already had some saved), some for a joint holiday, a bit saved for emergencies (joint account) and then £500 each to treat ourselves.

I earned more at the start of our relationship and we paid bills etc proportionately so we had the same amount of fun money each month. Now he earns a lot more than me and we still work things the same way. Even when I was on maternity leave and on SMP so contributing very little financially we split funds so we had the same amount of spending money.

A partner acting like yours does would have me seriously questioning the relationship.

How recent was the inheritance? Maybe he's just getting used to it and thinking about how to deal with it.

Do you both work full time.

What a vile arrangement. He really doesn't care about you does he
I'd personally bin him

I used to contribute 40% while my DP contributed 60% (in line with our respective salaries). But then he got a big inheritance and said he no longer needed any contribution from me at all.

My DH is careful with money (too careful sometimes for my liking!) but he would never put his own looks above mine. Designer clothes? He’s never heard of them!

Can you move to a smaller, cheaper property so you have money for you?

what a shame he does not think of sharing his wealth just occasionally.

does he do half the. Poking and half the cleaning? Is housework truly shared!

Marriage is a partnership. You should have equal spending money left at the end of a month. My h would not buy himself designer gear if I was buying supermarket clothes! Your h sounds uncaring, thoughtless, selfish, tight and twattish.

You need to talk to him. Tell him you're in debt. Talk about a fair split of money. See what he says.

Well I think he should be involving the OP in what to do with the inheritance.

What difference does it make how long they have been married? They are married, they have made the commitment and should be an equal partnership. Posters saying that the length of marriage makes a difference is that in case the marriage doesn't last? I know not all marriages last but surely when you get married you believe it will be for life?