What to do with male neighbour

[Deemarie11]

I'm 30 l live alone in a small terraced house. I've been living here for one year. Next door to me lives a man in his late 50s. We have nothing in common. We would say hello the odd time but thats it. The houses don't open right onto the street. We have a very small front garden, walls and gate each.

My front garden is very small, it's not something you would sit in. So I am only ever in it to mow my small lawn, paint the small walls etc.

Any time that I am EVER in my front garden, my male neighbour will come over right to my walk, to talk to me.

Last time I was mowing my lawn, he came out of his house, came over to my walk and started talking to me about something.

Today, I was painting my small wall in my front garden. He came over right to my walk and said "hey! I'm expecting a package. Will you take it in. They said they'd leave it with a neighbour".

I didn't want to but I said yes even though I didnt want to, as I was nervous and trying to get him to go away. He will probably be over to me later looking for it, which causes more stress for me.

I'm starting to be nervous every time I go out in my front garden, I kind of dash in and out as I know he will be straight over. He is creeping me out. I literally cannot go in my garden and do one simple thing without him coming straight over. It's giving me anxiety. If I saw my female neighbour across the road doing gardening, I wouldn't go straight over , lean over her wall and start talking to her. I know I would be intruding on her privacy. He does it every single time. It's really giving me anxiety. I don't know what to do.

Sorry @Testina
It was his comment I was getting at - not yours.

Apologies for not being clear.

@Emotionalsupportviper 🤣 I’m sorry! That’s clear to me now you’ve said it!

That's awful!

These things are so intimidating and annoying, but too easily dismissed by police etc. Horrible situation,

Exactly this.

Im wondering why the OP is so nervous. You mentions several times in the OP that the front garden is very tiny, I wouldn't have thought if it was so tiny and especially now we are approaching winter you would be out in it much? But I suspect that's not the point.It seems to extra to be so agitated about taking in someones parcel unless there is some sort of backstory. Has your mother made you nervous by telling you about her experiences being watched, or is she trying to tell you her situation was worse and yours is no big deal?

What a prick. Don’t smile. Wear headphones . If he interrupt tell him you’re in the middle of a coaching call and can’t talk. Say the minimum. Refuse to take parcels in. If the door goes with his parcel ignore it. Give monosyllabic bare minimum answers.

No problem - it's not always easy to tell on here - especially when someone's behaviour is so appalling that feelings run high.

It sounds really awful and creepy OP. I had an experience similar to yours with a 'friendly' neighbour, you have my sympathies. ( I haven't read every post so not sure if someone else has suggested it but:)
Here's what worked, in the end when I was starting to actually get quite scared of him: when he next came for me, I started pulling bat-shit crazy faces, Orange's Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' faces x1000, and, inside my house I had a few very loud incoherent wailing conversations with myself, moved furniture loudly, threw pans in my bath for noise, etc, etc. (as you can tell I didn't really care what he thought of me): he literally stopped bothering me from one day to the next, the prat. Tables were turned, I guess.

Just read your update about him punishing you with loud music. You shouldn’t now need to do anything to your front garden so fairly easy to avoid. But also, even if you agree to take in his parcel, don’t. Just ignore the doorbell.

You sound weird.

He's just passing the time of day and saying hello, or other things that neighbours do. People with small gardens are likely to be very visible to the person next door. It would be rude of him to not say hello if he is also in his garden and vice-versa.

Just because he is male shouldn't make a bit of difference- what is 'the fear factor' about? It's not what I think when someone male speaks to me- I don't view all men are possible rapists- especially the next door neighbour- I assume they are just being neighbours- you have issues if you are nervous about him coming to collect a parcel from you when he has done nothing to suggest he's in the least bit dangerous.

@Blueboy1001
you say “A lot of older men do this and wouldn't see it as harmful as they know they've no chance and often don't consider it as flirting.”
and “it’s not harassment until he knows it’s harassment”

🤮🤮 to both

It can be harmful whether or not the man knows it’s harmful. It can be harassment whether or not the man considers it as such. It is up to men NOT to do creepy “flirty” shit unless they are SURE it’s welcomed. It is NOT women’s job to police men’s behaviour.

@Blueboy1001

Let me spell it out and ‘make boundaries clear’ - your patronising list of ‘options’ for this male’s behaviour was stating the bleeding obvious - women are not as stupid as you think they are.

Posters are angry about your assertion that it is the OP’s responsibility to make ‘clear signals’ (or whatever ridiculous phrase you used) to stop this man from harassing her.

Please educate yourself and fellow men that it is NOT women’s responsibility to stop unwanted male behaviour. Women should be able to freely live their lives painting fences, jogging, wearing lipstick, posting on MN etc. Men just need to not to be aggressive domineering pricks who think the world revolves around them. That’s all. Simple.

Now off you go and put that into practice.

Say hello, then tell him you’re going on a call. AirPods in, then even if you hear him talk, just pretend you don’t hear him. If he hangs around, occasionally say something like ‘yes, I’ll get that report to you by the end of tomorrow James’ or ‘yes, I can’t wait to meet up for lunch’. He’ll soon give up and realise you’re not there to entertain him.

Oh god, not again ...

I've found no other threads for op!

👏👏👏👏

Does that mean name change?

You are not dim (I think?), so I think you knew that people would suggest you be more upfront or very short with him. Only then you choose to say that in fact you've done that and he retaliated by playing loud music. Don't you think it would have been useful to have put that in your first post?

e.g. Neighbour bugs me, I've asked him not to, he then 'punished' me so now I'm nervous to tell him to leave me alone.

Rather than.
Neighbour bugs me, what shall I do?

‘As I said, when he thought that I wasnt friendly enough in the past to him one time, he "punished" me by playing loud music all evening for the next two weeks. He is awful.’

@Deemarie11 he sounds like a pain in the arse and best cut off at the pass - “anyway must get on, can’t stand chatting, very busy” etc

however are you sure you aren’t getting a bit paranoid about him punishing you by 2 weeks of rehearsals over a perceived slight?

Relax.

you won't need to cut your tiny lawn any more or do much gardening as it's now November.

you also said your garden is tiny and you live in a terraced house.

maybe you ought to think about getting rid of the lawn for something more easy maintenance? If your house is terraced are you having to drag a lawn mower through your lounge to the front?

WTF?

So WHAT if the OP has a discrepancy in her age in different threads? I change detail sometimes. Not massively, but small-ish ones. Protects your identity a bit better,