My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

This and they need to downsize if they can't afford £2k per month rent

Don't let her emotionally blackmail you for her own poor decisions

She needs to get a job and downsize

Id be doing fuck all to help her. Shes only 63. My mums 63 and is still working even after having cancer last year and having her bladder removed and a radical hysterectomy. She won't get her pension for another year or so. There is no way you can deal with this. Fair enough if she was ill but she's totally fine. Shes made bad decisions and that's her responsibility to deal with.

There should be some kind of benefits advice service at their local council, send her the link and tell her to make an appointment. They need to apply for council housing so housing benefit will cover the rent, in my area where there is a massive shortage of family homes there still seems to be a decent number of 1bed flats for over 55s available. Won't be quite as grand as their £2k a month property though....

This really is not your problem,please remember that.Rent of £2000 a month,if they can claim housing benefit they will only be able to claim a small part of that as only entitled to 1 bedroom.She needs to work full time and move.They have been living in a fantasy world which is not your problem now.Be polite and say no I don’t have any money to give, lend please dont’t ask again.Ignore.Horrible position to be in sorry.

It's interesting you put all the blame on your mum when both your parents put themselves in this situation.
Tell them to make an appointment with CAB. They can advise on debt and benefits.
If your parents are already drawing down their pensions then they're not penniless. They just need to adapt to their circumstances.

Where in earth do they live that their rent is £2k a month? That's either a house that is far bigger than they need, or a very expensive part of town. That would be a big rent even in most parts of London for a two bed flat.

It goes without saying OP that you shouldn't help her, but also it sounds like you can't afford to anyway. Your kids would be going without if you did. And it sounds like you don't want to anyway, and that's ok. It doesn't sound like they've been great parents and it's ok to say 'no I can't afford to help you and what money I do have goes on my kids and the roof over my own head.'

Signpost to citizens advice and other support services and stay out of it. I'm sorry you have this stress but it's really not your problem.

What line of work was your mum in before she retired? Is it something she could go back to, even if only on temp contracts or part time?

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.

Except your mother is not elderly. I know people older than your mother who are looking after their elderly parents. She needs to look for a job. Unfortunately, I doubt if she will be entitled to benefits because of her and your dad's pensions. It is all very well to take early retirement; it is not right to do so and not live within your means!

I would not help her either with costing different options, finding a new flat or telling her to get a job, she's an intelligent adult and knows this stuff, she doesn't want to do it! There's two of them, they have had mortgages and paid into pensions so are not unable to work the system, just don't like doing it. If you start to help, then they will blame you for having to get a job/downsize/claim benefits. They are just as able as anyone to find this stuff out. It would be different if they were very old or cognitively compromised, but they are not. Just don't want to change. I also agree in cultures who look after the elderly they let them move into the family home and often the older person does childcare/housework initially, they don't pay for an entire household to live elsewhere in the main.

This is not your problem and nothing for you to feel guilty about.

I'm nearly her age and i work FT with no end in sight. She can too.

Detach as much as you can.

I'm 47 and frankly I've had enough of working. But I'll still be working in 3 years time. And 10 years time to be fair, because, well, you need money to survive.

Your Mum made no real provision for herself, they haven't thought long term. It's not your responsibility to take that on, especially since it sounds like your childhood wasn't good. But even financially you can't take on that burden. It's time for your Mum to step up and look at what they can claim and get off her arse.

Do not take them in, I sense you'll never get them out again.

Why the hell did she retire at 50?

If they are paying £2k a month on rent then they will need to move to somewhere cheaper to rent if they can't afford that. Also if they have no savings they should be able to claim housing element of pension/universal credit if their actual income suggests this is the case.

Don't let her bully you with the wishing she lived in a community where children look after parents. Find her the details for the local citizens advice bureau and send her the links to the housing calculator.

Sorry to hear this. It's likely your mum expected she would be able to manage financially as that was what happened to her own parents generation. Short sighted, yes, things have changed hugely economically.

She is not elderly, she is able to work and as she now needs an income she should work. They will need to source cheaper accommodation and live within their means. Your dad needs to check benefit entitlement.

You do not have to foot the bill

Age UK has advice on sheltered housing
www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/housing-options/sheltered-housing/

And their helpline is 0800 678 1602

Your mum won't be the only older person in this predicament; and hope she can get advice on her options.

Her behaviour towards you is not reasonable; but it is likely that she is feeling very scared

Has she even got enough NI credits to get a half decent pension of her own. Those of us around 60 actually need 40 years to get a full state pension. She will only get a small proportion of your dads employment pension and none at all of his state pension.

she now has 4 or 5 years to earn money and add to her state pension.

check at www.gov.U.K. Site. I just Google state pension entitlement and it appears

there is a story on BBC news about a woman in her 70s who has no pension and can’t afford to stop working. It is going to get worse over the next 50 years or so

She shouldn’t have retired so early without the means to do so. She needs to look for work now, many jobs she’ll be able to start immediately. And they need to seriously downsize, £2k rent a month for a couple is ridiculous even with today’s crazy prices.
they can’t afford the lifestyle they’re living and need to change it for themselves, you can help them job hunt and flat hunt, but don’t give them any money, they’re being completely and utterly unreasonable.

Dad needs to claim attendance allowance and mum carers allowance. Plus other benefits (housing and job seekers).

Don't give them any money. It will be the thin end of the wedge. The most you can reasonably do is help your parents find a rental property which is within their budget. Nobody is entitled to a large home or a certain lifestyle just because she has become used to it.

They will have to claim benefits. I would be clear to her that you cant pay her rent or bills, but try and find out what benefits shes entitled to and maybe help her apply. Id be telling her that youd assumed that she had sonething sorted since she retired at 50, and that 63 is not elderly, so dont appreciate the guilt trip

retirement is a financial status, not an age. and even if it were, it's certainly not at 50 these days unless she was a millionaire! she sounds deluded and expecting you to fund her irresponsibility! stealing from your DC

My mum is still working at pushing 70, and enjoying it. Time for yours to wake up and realise she can't expect someone else to keep her. The hospitality industry is crying out for staff.

Do Not give them money OP. It will be hard but you need to put your own family first. They will be entitled to benefits and that will cover (cheaper) housing too

God what a horrible position they’ve put you in OP - I’m sorry. Your mum needs to work and she’ll potentially be entitled to benefits too (they both will) - they cannot rely on you and shouldn’t expect to!

My Nan worked until she was in her early 70s and only stopped due to ill health because she needed the money - it’s what people have to do and your mum is no exception.