My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

She needs to see if she is entitled to benefits

Maybe they’ve never claimed benefits and don’t know what they would be entitled to.

Your parents are shit with money. Don't let then make that your problem. Absolutely don't give them money, it won't help (cause they are shit w money) and you'll end up working til 80 so your mum could retire at 50.

Point them at benefits advice. Suggest they downsize. Your mum is going to need to work bit let her figure that put for herself

I honestly don't know why she retired so young. She said she had had enough of working as she had worked since she was 15. I just assumed she had done the sums and knew she would be able to! Ridiculous entitlement basically :-\

Your mum will have to find a job. Your parents will also have to find somewhere cheaper to live. You don't say where they live but a one bedroomed flat in outer London is less than £1,000 a month so they must have somewhere very big. It's absolutely not your responsibility to support your mother financially especially given that she retired at 50.

63 is not ‘elderly,’ and (unless she had substantial health issues) she was an idiot to retire at 50. She should get back to work. I have friends in their 60s who compete very successfully in equestrian sports, who hold down good jobs, and who are anything but elderly. She should not be looking to you to provide for her - you don’t have children so that you can stop working and expect them to pay your living costs, if anything it should be the other way round, I fully expect to still be working at 60 and helping my children out financially. It sounds as though she has made a lifetime of poor financial decisions and now wants rescuing.

Hi OP, sorry you're going through this, it sounds really awful.

Firstly, £2k a month sounds so expensive for their rent.. if it is only the two of them they will probably need to find somewhere cheaper to live.
Secondly, they will definitely be entitled to some kind of universal credit to help them to get by, and if I am not mistaken they will be entitled to perhaps a monthly contribution toward their bills as they have no savings.

As your mum is still technically of "working age" universal credit and other government bodies would probably try and make her get a job, even if it was only very part time if she is fit and able, they are really clamping down on people claiming and not working if they can now.

Please do not get yourself into unimaginable debt when there ARE solutions for your parents to manage without allowing your finances to spiral out of control. Also, you are not responsible for them, they will be ok. Your mum is clearly frightened and as our loved ones do - taking it out on the people closest to her. Provide emotional support where you can (not if it means you are being used as a punch bag) but you are not a bank so please do not help out others at the expense of your own sanity and finances.

I do hope you figure it all out

Are they capable of finding out about benefits on their own? My parents didn’t have a clue when they both became unwell so needed my help although they are older than your mum.

You must not help AT ALL - as you say, it will be a drop in the ocean and your family are your priority. I work in a small team, I'm 60, my colleagues are 55, 59 and 62. She needs to work.

Sorry if this sounds simplistic but this is not your problem, it’s theirs’. It’s not your responsibility to sort out their finances. It must be upsetting for them but they have no right to put this on you. Talk to your SO. If you’re going to give them anything (I wouldn’t) don’t do it til they have a long term plan. A close relative once asked me and dp to cover a months rent, we said no so they got it off someone else. They got kicked out the following month. Helping to cover someone else’s rent is an expensive very short term solution if there’s no long term plan.

Op you don’t need to take on the financial responsibility.

firstly, they need to downsize and pay a lot less rent, the. Can’t afford what they live in now. Either that means renting something smaller, or moving areas, or both.

Secondly, your mum isn’t at retirement age so she needs to get a job. If she doesn’t want to then that’s her own responsibility not yours.

Do you know the amount they are short of each month?

She wants you to look after her and pay her way. At 63 she can still work. She should have been aware of the ramifications of retiring at 50. I feel like I'm being harsh but she sounds totally unreasonable.

They need to downsize and/ or move to a cheaper area.

She needs to go back to work and/ or claim benefits in the short term. I agree, who retires at 50 without knowing for a certainly they have enough to live on?

And it seems very in keeping with taking and interest only mortgage and not having a plan for paying the capital off - they seem to live very much for the day?

No way should they put this on you! And all this about cultures that look after the elderlt - she’s not elderly, plus in those cultures the older people (generally if widowed I guess) move in with the younger family and help with childcare etc. They don’t just expect to be bankrolled.

She’s being so cheeky. And she’s hardly elderly, so she can stop trying to guilt trip you with that one. She needs to get a job and they need to find a cheaper house. 2k a month for a house for 2 people sounds really high. If you help them, she sounds like she’ll expect it constantly and never be happy with what you do.

Tell them to apply for sheltered housing. I believe you qualify for this at age 60, 55 if you have disabilities. They'll pay less rent and may qualify for other benefits.

She needs to claim benefits for work.

She’s been stupid.

Tell your Mum you are only just making ends meet yourself. Do not give her money and enable her to refuse to work. Your Mum needs to get a job but they also need to move out of accommodation costing £2k a month and move to a cheaper area. UC will not pay £2k a month rent for 2 adults who technically need 1 room. Your Dad could try for Pension Credit as he is above retirement age. They need to find cheaper accommodation and give 2 month's notice. Your Mum needs to get a job or even 2 jobs to pay their bills. I would strongly advise you not to get involved. Tell your Parents their accommodation is too expensive and they will need to cut cloth to fit budget like everyone else. Keep your focus on your own DC.

Give her the Citizens Advice Bureau number. You can't fund her. She needs to get a job. Hopefully she paid enough in to get a full state pension in a couple of years.

😁 now that’s a typo and a half.

Sadly I do think you have to say a clear No. I understand how this makes you feel, but they are 2 grown adults who failed to plan properly for the future - it is not down to you to pick up the pieces; they must sort it out for themselves.

If you want to help them in some way you could research some options for them: what benefits they could claim, options for downsizing (e.g. retirement flats/bungalows, work options for mother etc..

But other than that you must leave them to sort themselves out. And be clear with them about your own financial constraints - although do not share the details. Just say that you too are struggling and unfortunately not in a position to help.

I am sorry you have been put in this position.

Just a word of warning, don't agree to be a guarantor if they move to a new place - you will get saddled with their rent for as long as they live there. It's a really difficult thing to get out of!
I would say that if your parents had been good to you in childhood then I'd try to help them with a rental deposit for a cheaper home, but if they've been awful then you owe them nothing. You could if you were inclined, help her with universal credit application and direct her to citizens advice because they can intervene with utilities companies to sort out payment plans but absolutely do not take on responsibility for their bills.
If my spouse came to me and said his parents had burned through every penny they had and now wanted us to financially support them, this would not go down well with me - don't ask your husband and don't get into conflict with him over your mum's recklessness.

Your parents are reaping the rewards of very, very poor decisions. I am sure your reaction would be very different if they had just lost their jobs or could not work through illness, however retiring at 50 is the stupidest thing I have heard in a while.
By telling you they are trying to make it your problem to solve. As you don’t have the money to give them you can’t help them anyway, obviously they can’t move into your family home so all you can do to help is point them in the direction of the job centre and the entailed to website. They will be fine, people like your parents always are.

It doesn't matter how much money you have. Your parents are adults and your mum needs to work. If she tries to sign on, they will tell her to get a job.

She needs to get a job.

Your parents' stupidity is not your responsibility.

I think something similar is going to happen to my parents. My mum stopped working when she had my brother 31 years ago and has never worked since even though she is fit, healthy and more than capable. She spends money like it's going out of fashion, just had a £70k extension and is now moaning they can't afford to furnish it how they want to. She is 60 and my dad is 67, has recently retired and had to start going back to work 3 days a week to pay the bills. I dread to think what they are going to expect me and my sibling to do when they run out of money. I think this kind of issue is going to start becoming more common.

OP please don't offer to assist financially if you're going to be taking a hit yourself. You have dependents to look after and must put them first. Your mother has had her whole life to think about this.

If you assist with anything, point them in the direction of rightmove/council housing and benefits.