To insist on contact details for sleepover?

[MrsElm]

I don't think I am, but am beginning to doubt myself.

DD is 12, and in Yr8. She has a friend in class, and they are trying to arrange a sleepover. I am happy for it to be at ours, but have said that I need a contact number for the friend's Mum. But the Mum is apparently being reluctant to give it, something to do with not knowing me? But apparently happy for her daughter to come over for the sleepover.

Is this the norm in Yr 8, that a sleepover occurs without contact with other parent? It doesn't sit right with me, but DD says that some parents do things differently?

So, AIBU?

Yanbu, you are being completely responsible by asking for details. I would say no details no sleepover. They are 12 fgs, who sends their child on a sleepover without knowing who the parents are.

How are you meant to contact her parents if there's an emergency? Yanbu at all! X

They’re Y8 ! My parent definitely didn’t know the other parent when I had sleepovers in secondary.

What are these “emergencies” at a sleepover that all mumsnetters worry about??

No YANBU it sounds like she might not have her mum's permission or like something else might be going on that she's being secretive about. I'd expect to know still at age 12/13 but I'd probably feel differently going into year 9 and definitely by Y10.

What are these “emergencies” at a sleepover that all mumsnetters worry about??

Well when my dd was 10 she was at a sleepover when she began vomiting repeatedly. Of course the mum called me and I went to fetch her, she had norovirus.

Is your child maybe too embarrassed to ask because for some reason they think it's uncool?

Can't imagine any parent wouldn't share contact details when their child is staying at a persons home which they've never met !!

The mum is reluctant? Are you sure the child is not just saying that?
If the child is telling the truth I would find it really strange that a parent wouldn’t want to give their number for emergencies to another parent where their child is staying.
I wouldn’t let a 12 year old stay in my house without confirming with a parent/carer. I also have a year 8 child.

I presume the friend can contact her mum herself, you don’t need the mums number.

Should your house burn down and you absolutely do need to contact the mum, then you can tell daughters friend to phone her mum.

Or maybe it's the classic your DD tells you she's at her friend's; friend tells her parents she's at yours...

... and they're somewhere else entirely.

And you've scuppered it by asking to be put in contact and this is the best they can come up with.

Such horseshite. No way would that kid be sleeping under my roof without the parents phone number. Anything could happen to you, to the kid, to someone else and you need to go out or the kid might even just get upset but absolutely no kid of 12 would be staying in my house without at least the phone number of their parent.

That's what I was going to say - surely the 12 yo knows her mum's number and can call or give you the number in an emergency?

That said, I would want to talk if I were their mum - I was mostly shagging my BF at his house when I told my parents I was having sleepovers with friends... But I was 16/17!

Sickness of any sort of course. Kids get sick at night you know.

I can't believe anyone would trust their daughter to the care of someone they don't trust enough to give their phone number to.

Yes, but surely a 12yo can ring home themselves if they're unwell, or give the host their number if not?

If it is the mum refusing to give you her number then she's being ridiculous, what does she think you're going to do with it?

There will be many times your told you're ruining your teenagers lives, everyone else is going, drinking, etc.
Ruin her life contact number or no sleepover.

No stay out of this your year 8 be a year 8 and arrange it herself with your permission of course

I always swapped numbers with the other parents, they did with me too.

It’s odd not too, especially when asked.

I would feel really nervous about having someone else’s child in my home over night without their parents details. I know teens have their own phones, but for emergencies etc.

Surely the child has a phone with her parents number?

People are weird. I feel as if you’re doing the right thing and being responsible. My mum would certainly do the same thing however the mum has her daughters number. She must think there’s no reason for you to be able to contact her as her daughter can contact you at all times. Tbh some parents don’t really give a flying fuck what their kids get up too especially in secondary school so I’m not surprised reading this

“What are these “emergencies” at a sleepover that all mumsnetters worry about??”

… yeah because unexpected and emergency things never ever happen in life do they? 🙄

So she is happy to send her girl to spend the night with strangers but doesn’t want to give you her phone because she doesn’t know you???

Fucking weird, and worrying… Keep an eye on the girl in case she needs support but cancel the sleepover.

Friends sleepover with 23 year olds resulted in a broken arm and hospital visit at midnight.
Fair enough you could use the daughters phone to contact her mum, but if they went missing then you'd not have any way of contacting a parent.
Of course you're not going to let them go wandering off but could be a trip to the local shop.

I cannot imagine that's the real reason 😂😂😂