To insist on contact details for sleepover?

[MrsElm]

I don't think I am, but am beginning to doubt myself.

DD is 12, and in Yr8. She has a friend in class, and they are trying to arrange a sleepover. I am happy for it to be at ours, but have said that I need a contact number for the friend's Mum. But the Mum is apparently being reluctant to give it, something to do with not knowing me? But apparently happy for her daughter to come over for the sleepover.

Is this the norm in Yr 8, that a sleepover occurs without contact with other parent? It doesn't sit right with me, but DD says that some parents do things differently?

So, AIBU?

Do you think the mum has refused to give her number as an emergency contact for school/clubs/any other time her DD is not with her? No details, no sleepover would be my stance. Maybe her DD can make her understand why it's important to be able to contact the parents of someone staying with them independently of that child.

Also sorry but the nicest most well behaved 12-14 year old can do bonkers things so if it’s a sleep over yes I want to see the whites of the other parents eyes so to speak!

Also to check they are ok with having my child. It gets much easier as they settle down there are now only two or three families dd2 stays with the mums are lovely and we have a WhatsApp group. Less scope for trickery!

But the Mum is apparently being reluctant to give it, something to do with not knowing me? But apparently happy for her daughter to come over for the sleepover.
Ha ha ha ha OP - you've been played - by your 12 year old!

Is this the norm in Yr 8, that a sleepover occurs without contact with other
parent?
Why do you give a stuff what the 'norm' is?
YOU want the mum's phone number. That is your normal. Unless you have that number - no sleepover.

It doesn't sit right with me, but DD says that some parents do things differently?
Other parents are welcome to do things their way.
You will do things your way.
Why are you letting your 12 year old child tell you otherwise?

Update! I have now heard from Mum, so sleepover going ahead. DD very happy 😊

Thank you to everyone who commented.

Glad to hear she saw sense. I am still shocked at some of the responses here. If nothing else the mum should be worried about where shes sending her child. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors of strangers.

Glad it is sorted out. Hope they have a nice evening.

Surely if they're is a "mumsnet emergency" this girl will have a mobile and can contact her mothe herself....?

More of a risk is the little darlings have said they are at the friends house but have snuck off somewhere else. Quick confirmation that host mum on is board and they are where should be sorts that…

Not always...
Battery not charged,
Child unconscious and phone locked,
Phone stolen or lost,
Phone broken,
Child historical/drunk/having a fit

Having seen 3 of these I can tell you accessing a phone that isn't yours is not possible unless finger ID and cooperative or unconscious.

Also a DD in yr8: I insist on communicating directly with the parent of a prospective sleepover guest prior to a planned sleepover. Also, I like to have met the kid in person on a separate occasion before any sleepover is arranged.
DD hates it, but I need her to know that I take who spends the night at our house seriously. I also like to try to gauge whether there's going to be any actual sleeping happening and how the guest is likely to respond to a "lights out and shut up by X" instruction, as our walls are paper thin, and we're light sleepers. And yes, I've appeared with car keys at 2am ready to take a noisy guest home.

At that age I would not need to ask my child has a mobile and knows our numbers to call us in an emergency so no I don't need to know

But I think it's odd she doesn't want ro, if I am asked I give mine to anyone, not random people in the street but generally I am fine giving it out

Sorry, but this is appalling. You should know where your child is staying overnight and with whom, as a matter of parental responsibility and safeguarding.
Kids lie or get groomed, phones get lost, not everyone is trustworthy.

If anything happened, you would be held as criminally negligent and failing to protect your child.