To insist on contact details for sleepover?

[MrsElm]

I don't think I am, but am beginning to doubt myself.

DD is 12, and in Yr8. She has a friend in class, and they are trying to arrange a sleepover. I am happy for it to be at ours, but have said that I need a contact number for the friend's Mum. But the Mum is apparently being reluctant to give it, something to do with not knowing me? But apparently happy for her daughter to come over for the sleepover.

Is this the norm in Yr 8, that a sleepover occurs without contact with other parent? It doesn't sit right with me, but DD says that some parents do things differently?

So, AIBU?

But why does it matter

your child is your responsibility, the other girls mum knowing she is at yours isn’t your issue, it’s her own mums, this mum is fine with not checking.

Insisting on parents contact info is a sure fire way of getting your child ostracised at secondary, it’s highly irregular

Why do you think the girl is going to lie tho? And how would she, she has to tell her mum she is staying somewhere so why wouldn’t it be your house?

I disagree! I will not be reasonable to accept this girl coming to my house without knowing that her parent is aware!

I am aware of the arrangements, and I am aware that her mother is possibly not, so I must act accordingly.

RIP your child’s social life

She might not have mentioned to her mum that she is staying anywhere, her mum might be expecting her home.
I just don't get the angst in getting the parent details of any young person staying in your house. We fill out endless forms for scouts even just for day trips. Football clubs, swimming clubs, etc,. right up until 16.
Anything could happen where the child needs medical care, unexpected allergy, or she might just walk out of the house at 10 pm and not come back. It's a big thing to take it upon yourself to make decisions for someone else's child.

I wouldn't insist on it personally, if the other parent wanted my contact details then I'd happily give it but at 12/13 then they'll presumably have their own phone in an emergency

Just seems like some crazy assumptions going on…
maybe try to find the mum on Facebook and send her a message on there?

92% NBU at the moment. I think the social life will survive this blip.

The vote isn’t that representative considering those who vote on threads

Yes please do this op and report back what happens

absolute batshittery on here

I don't know the Mum's name, so no chance of finding her on any social media!

And if the phone is out of charge, credit, lost on the walk home, dropped in the loo? Do you have a teenager? I've had a few and organisational skills vary

Ask the daughter? Ask your daughter to ask the daughter?
I guess you will just have to tell her sorry I’m not comfortable having you over unless I know FOR A FACT that your mum knows exactly where you are…

What exactly are you worried is going to happen, you’re going to get done for kidnap?

Extremely weird and worrying,

I'm very rural so would know them anyway.

But pre children did family and criminal law.

An advocate was ranting to me one day about her 12 year old in this exact scenario. Mortified that my advocate friend wanted details. Nobody else does.

Her daughter was screaming at her in loud speaker about her being OTT. She said to her let's remember most cases of abuse happen within the home, child said piss off mum, get a normal job your a nightmare.

But the point being, why would you not care where your 12 year old was, who was staying, what the plan was.

Yanbu at all.

You’re assuming the other mum doesn’t care but maybe she just fully trusts her daughter..and she does have the address & telephone number of where she is staying.

either way OP it’s up to you isn’t it, and if you say she can’t stay unless you speak to her mum I’m sure that will happen, and then it’s sorted.

12 is a CHILD. I cannot believe how flippant some are about this. I cannot believe a parent who loved their child would be so blase about this. Does the mother even know the address? Fucking bonkers the people saying at a mere 12 years old kids should be organising their own sleepovers. Never happened with mine and never would have with their friends either. Absolute batshittery being flung about here - either that or a lot of you have no problem abandoning your kids to any tom dick or harry who would have them.

I still insist on contact details for my 16 year old! Yes it's important. They know otherwise I'll worry and they know the number will only be used in an emergency.

I have just had this scenario. DS(12) Y8 informed me that no-one asks for the number of the parent whose house they are staying at and I was entirely unreasonable to do so. Then arrangements changed and they ended up staying here and both his friends' parents messaged me after asking their sons to get my number to check all was well for the sleepover. So it turned out I wasn't that unreasonable after all........

YANBU- no phone number no sleepover. You need to know the mum knows where their child is!

YANBU. I’d just say if you don’t get the Mum’s number you won’t be going ahead.

Growing up I was only allowed to go on sleepovers at the houses of children my parents knew well, where they were friends with the Mum and Dad. Sensible, I think.

i don't get what you mean .

I can’t imagine why you are investing so much of your time over this. It’s quite simple, if you don’t get the contact info, she doesn’t stay. Tell your DD not to bother you with this again until this happens.

I wouldn't even consider it without the contact details of the parents nor would my DC be sleeping overnight without any contact numbers.

It's a basic requirement for pre-teens or young teenagers.

Feel a bit like I'm going mad here. I think the OP absolutely should have the other mum's contact details, but you seem to be missing the basic fact that it's not going to be the scenario where they each tell their parents they are staying at their friend's house, and go somewhere else, if they are in fact at the OP's house . 😕

You seem to be missing the fact that in no post in this thread the OP has said that there is only one girl staying.

Personally, I would cancel anyway as every time I have encountered a parent who want to give their young teens control of their own social life, I have always ended up with a child planning to take back the bus to an empty house at the next day, no parent around to collect the child or I had to drop a child in an empty house as the parent didn’t care at what time they were returning either.

yeah… nothing may happen, but if it does, I don’t want the police holding me as a suspect because a child came to my house never to be seen again.