AIBU about DH, lazy in the mornings?

[Calmoutside]

DH wfh, when our DS wakes I go to him and just chill with CBeebies for a while until I shower and dress and get ready, then get DS washed and ready. We leave the house at just gone 7.

DH is generally in bed until about 645, he will sit with DS while I dry my hair if it’s a hair wash day.

He then gets nearly two hours to chill as work doesn’t start till 9.

Its clearly really unfair but not sure how to improve it without being petty and ‘well I’m up so you have to be up to’ territory.

Blimey. Your DH sleeping whilst you're stressed and rushing around.
No, both of you don't need to be up at the same time but why doesn't he do half his share and you split the early wakes FOR parental care 50/50?
Sounds like you're breaking your back to spend time with your son whilst he's living a life of riley

I think the rest of the day is relevant, as it's about how it all balances out. My DH just cut the lawn while I was sitting down. Unfair? We don't think so because I've been working physically hard all day and he's been doing a sitting job. He welcomes the movement and I need to get the weight off my feet. Context matters.

You doing the drop off makes sense to me if you are heading that way anyway. No point in your dh going out for no reason.

Ideally… sounds like dh needs to get up and get the kids sorted whilst you get yourself ready for work.

then dh can get himself ready when you leave

Your DS has half an hour a day with your son?
That's the biggest problem.
If he wants to be a Dad then he should spend time with him in the morning.
Sounds like he's just lazy and can't be arsed with him:

If you only want to address the mornings, then try the suggestion that you do 3 weekday morning wakes, and he gives you the 2 days you’re at home as a lie-in, plus a weekend morning.

So When DH finishes work at 6, he takes over and does the bath bedtime routine.

Does DH get up at least 3 of the other days?
The part time bit makes a huge difference. Especially for dropping off at 7.30am. I feel very sorry for kids that do a 7.30 until 6pm 5 days a week. But 3 days 7 til 3.30 is very different.

It literally says in the bit you quoted.

Sorry just read it properly. Why can't DH do bath and bedtime?

if you'd give someone a chance, they could correct themselves. We posted in the same minute.

When my children used to wake up early I made sure that at least 50% of the time I muttered "your turn" and firmly turned over and went back to sleep. In this case I think it's fair that on some days it's your DH who is up at 5 and gets your son ready. So you can get up at 6.30 and focus on getting yourself ready. I'm not one who thinks adults should feel obliged to be up if they don't need to (my kids are older now and can get themselves ready, so I get up quite a bit later than I used to) but if there's childcare to be done then it should be split.

She just said 6.
I think it depends if he’s doing the nighttime routine.
Ad what happens on the other two days and weekends.
When my kids were smaller DP had a period of doing long shifts, so he’s usually missed the kids altogether as he left before they woke and was back after they were in bed.
Doesn’t mean he was a bad dad, he had to work!

Just like it doesn’t make the DP here a bad dad for seeing DC for half an hour/hour three days a week.
But it’s very much dependent on what happens on the other days/weekends

What do you want your DH to do in the morning, you are being very obtuse in your answers.
It is relevant how he spends his time the rest of the day ... is he sharing the chores? When is your 'chill' time?
As PPs have said, it is beyond petty to account for every single chore and insist it is 50/50 to the exact minute... but do you both get free time on your own to do what you want?

What happens on the other 4 mornings per week? I work 3 days and on my work days I’m up first and doing kid stuff but on the other days it’s DH bringing me a cup of tea in bed (or I get up and help out with breakfast/school lunches and then relax in my pjs while they’re getting ready.)

Could you ask him to do more housework since he has more time alone than you?
Could you pick your son up a bit later and have some chill time after work to yourself (but not at home) eg coffee and a book in a coffee shop or going to the gym or something

The other option is to get up when your son wakes, put him into bed with your DH and say to him "here you go, cuddle daddy, I'm off to have a shower". I used to do that quite a lot too. Then I would firmly shut the bathroom door and leave them to it.

There is no way in hell I’d be dictated to to wake up in the morning just to do a load of washing just because my partner was awake!
Fuck that shit

The reason people are asking about the rest of the day/week split, btw, is because you’re asking “AIBU about DH, lazy in the mornings?” And so the natural response is, “Is he also lazy in the afternoons?”

You don’t have to answer, of course.

@Ragwort i have been very concerned lately about this.

I genuinely believe I have been polite in the thread. So if you could tell me exactly where I have been obtuse, that would actually be very helpful for me. I’m obviously communicating very poorly, I always believed this was a strength of mine but it obviously isn’t.

Does he take over after he finishes at 6 OP?

Yes or No?

What happens on the other 4 days of the week? Maybe have a lie in then whilst dh gets up with your child?

I think people are just asking for clarity around the rest of the schedule in order to ascertain if it’s fair or not.

People can’t really have an informed opinion or give useful advice without knowing the other details.

If it was me getting up early for work I would def be leaving my child with OH to sort and drop off at nursery. My OH starts work early so I am responsible for sorting the kids in the morning. He finishes early so he then sorts them in the afternoon when I'm working.

It’s not that you haven’t been polite. It’s that you’ve sort of deliberately obfuscated, even when answering.

I generally get in around 4, try to keep DS entertained until 6 when DH finishes work. Then he has bath at 630, bed at 7. So obviously I spend more time with DS then because DH is working.

So you did answer the ‘what does the rest of the day look like’ but without the crucial information of what your DH takes responsibility for between 6-7pm…

You’re either doing that deliberately because you know he’s lazy then too and you don’t want to deal with the comments on it, or you’ve been obtuse and slow to understand why people are asking.