AIBU about DH, lazy in the mornings?

[Calmoutside]

DH wfh, when our DS wakes I go to him and just chill with CBeebies for a while until I shower and dress and get ready, then get DS washed and ready. We leave the house at just gone 7.

DH is generally in bed until about 645, he will sit with DS while I dry my hair if it’s a hair wash day.

He then gets nearly two hours to chill as work doesn’t start till 9.

Its clearly really unfair but not sure how to improve it without being petty and ‘well I’m up so you have to be up to’ territory.

He needs to take half the mornings staying up with and preparing HIS child that he is held responsible for legally and morally, since he does nothing for his child weekday evenings

We literally don’t know that.

All we know is OP gets up early with DC three times a week.
We have no idea about the other two mornings, weekends or evenings!

OP has been clear these are irrelevant, it’s only the three days a week in question she’s asking about

I get up every weekday with my son at whatever time he decides to (usually 5.30 onwards) and watch tv etc, my husband will get up at 6.30 and take over and do breakfast whilst I get ready for work, we then swap at 6.50ish and I finish off breakfast/get him dressed etc. I leave for work at 7.10 and husband takes son to nursery for 7.30. It is not some ungodly hour imo, pretty usual if both parents are working full time. At the weekend, I get up early one day and my husband the other. Although I am first up the majority of the time, we share the workload of the morning rush, which is important to me/us. I might be up earlier but my husband is still active in the care of our child.

So, I think it is fair to ask to share the morning load more with your husband, it would allow you to have more time to yourself in the morning which is more than reasonable to ask for! Every other day could work to keep it equal/fair.

I am so confused. How can it not be relevant? All being equal, if you do all mornings and your DH does all evenings then he is not lazy. All being equal, if you do all mornings and evenings, yes he is lazy.

I think you have derailed your own thread with your martyrdom. It may well come from a place of low self esteem, feeling put upon, stress, who knows, but I can see why other posters may have got frustrated when you asked a question and they tried to help you find an answer. Fwiw, this might be better in the relationships board as the AIBU board is probably not the right place to come for a hand hold.

This thread is so strange, I'm really not sure what you wanted from it op.

I agree. I’m a morning person and on my mornings off during the week, I get up and get DD ready for school, instead of having a lie in. DH can start work whenever he likes, and as a night-time person, this usually means he has a lie in and a leisurely start to the day. This morning he had a long lie in after going out last night, I made him two cups of tea in bed and I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Sounds unfair, right?

Well, on the other weekday mornings when I start earlier, he gets up and sorts out DD, and while he might have a cup of tea in bed reading emails, starts work reasonably promptly. He does all the after school clubs and care. He cooks every night. He does the washing, loads the dishwasher, arranges the online shop, and so on. We alternate bedtimes, but if I’m feeling under the weather he will give me a night off.

I am definitely the one who is better off in terms of household chores.

"deluded" 😂😂😂

My husband is similar. When he’s in bed and casually scrolling on his phone and sipping his coffee. I plonk my 4 year old on his lap, Chuck her clothes on him and bark ‘help!’ Then I say in an upbeat voice ‘daddy get you dressed!’ Then that’s one job done. I wouldn’t give two hoots if he thinks I’m being petty.

TBH OP, I read your second post, your first reply, and you instantly seemed blunt and defensive, which doesn't set you up as someone who was prepared for a bit of back and forth discussion and to listen to thoughts & advice.
It doesn't make others warm to you or willing to offer constructive advice.

It may just be the way you are.
Don't take it as a slight on your personality though, how you come across in posts on an anonymous forum isn't necessarily a reflection of how you are in real life.
I have a friend who comes across as rather clipped & blunt in messages, yet in person she is so warm and funny.

I've PM'd you

You are being hugely frustrating OP.

Probably not to get a kicking from a load of posters whose MO is to have a pop at an OP, whatever the circumstances.

TBH OP, I read your second post, your first reply, and you instantly seemed blunt and defensive

It doesn't make others warm to you or willing to offer constructive advice.

I forgot women had to really consider how their written word might appear to others lest she be gasp found too direct and not faints warm and lady-like.

You’re right, her perceived tone by some posters totally justifies the names she’s been called and shitty posting she’s been subjected to.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. You have to take your son, you are already getting up to get ready, your husband looks after him while you finish your routine. So what he gets another couple hours before work? He didn't choose your job that requires you leave at 7am.
You just seem to resent his later start time, which sounds a bit like you wish you could wfh too.

Talk about misquoting to suit your take!
You've cherry picked 2 lines from my post and misconstrued it entirely.

I've seen MN threads go this way many times. The sex of the OP is irrelevant. The OP from the off deflected people's questions and seemed unwilling to engage in discussion - is that not the point of starting a thread? To open a discussion or get advice?

Generally, if you start a thread asking for advice, you should be willing to listen and answer questions so people can get a fuller picture of what's going on. If an OP, any OP doesn't seem willing to do that, they're not going to get a good response, are they?

The OP went on to say it may be an inherent problem that she has. I gently, I thought, suggested that she not take it personally and that how she comes across is not going to be a true reflection of how she is in RL.

And I wasn't one of the ones having a go at the OP, calling her names or whatever

"I get up early 3 days a week and drop my DS at nursery on the way to work, I finish at 3pm. DH only gets up an hour after me on these mornings, is he lazy?"

MN "What does your DH do the rest of the time/the other 4 mornings and what do you do?"

"OP... not relevant"

NOBODY has called her names.

Obtuse, difficult. The truth. FGS.

My life looks pretty good, actually. You, on the other hand, only seem to turn up at the tail end of threads to screech at posters for not abiding by whatever posting guidelines exist in your head. You never actually offer any advice to the OP, just attempt to row with other posters. I’ve seen you do this several times, now.

So, I’m now wondering what your life must look like. Not great, I’m guessing.

Eh? I havnt said a thing to the op!

I know you haven’t but I was adding my thoughts to your post.

Disagree. On both counts. 😂

Lot of people bullying the OP, not letting her take a breath before more interrogation. This is a real person at the mercy of your keyboards and she has been hounded off the thread.

Have YOU helped OP? No. Because you never do. You just look for fights and scream abuse. Your mentality is the one you should be worried about.