AIBU to tell parents they can’t visit until after lunch?

[Doicompromise]

I have primary school aged children (and for context one sibling who has no children). My parents try and turn up every year first thing on Christmas morning to be there when the kids open their presents “to be part of the magic”. When they were really little they would turn up for half an hour to give presents and then we would all have dinner together.
The last few years they just want to turn up with presents to be part of the magic and go and have dinner elsewhere and enjoy the rest of their day which is up to them.
I voice each year that I would rather they did not visit in the morning so that we can enjoy our own time together as a family on Christmas morning and it’s not chaotic. I am usually told “no we have dinner to get to and we want to see the kids”.
Part of it is that they now don’t spend Christmas dinner with us so I feel a bit miffed they don’t want to spend that time with us. But primarily I just want to enjoy those precious moments while my children are little, I don’t want visitors there for “the most magical moments”. I just want to enjoy my children with my husband and then I’m happy to have visitors after lunch or visit other people.
I don’t feel I’m being super precious about this but if I am then I’ll have to compromise. I don’t want to upset my parents, but equally I do want to enjoy Christmas with my little family without feeling like each year someone rocks up to see the special bit and then leaves with no thought for how we wish to spend our day. Any suggestions?

How can you talk for anyone else's parents?

You don't know the Op or the parents.

Simply tell them what time they can come round, if it doesn't work, "OK we'll see you boxing day" I don't let anyone dictate christmas day to me, my in laws tried when we'd just had our first child and I simply said you can pop round between x and x time but we can't do xyz, no. I love Christmas morning, it's just us and our children. It really is magical and I wouldn't want to share it. My parents are great and would never try to worm their way in, my in laws totally would given half the chance!

Coming round in the morning and funking off before dinner smacks of you being second grade interim hosts in their eyes.

I would be annoyed

Let them come, open their presents, say goodbye to them then either open your presents after they've gone or after Christmas lunch. They don't need to be there for your presents, just their own. It's their choice not to have Christmas day meal with you isn't it?!

OP says she’s tried telling them multiple times but her parents still insist. I think that’s downright rude. I would say ‘No, I’ve told you not before midday’ if they insist. I think it’s fair enough to want to have your own traditions.

There are a limited number of years left when your children will believe in Santa/get up early. It’s up to you, but quite telling that you consider your parents ‘visitors’, and yes, they will be hurt if you tell them you don’t want them there for the ‘special bit’.

I agree. When did 'family' become parents and children, with anyone outside that pushed to the back? Funny how grandparents are suddenly useful when childcare is required!

I find it odd how your parents are classed as Visitors… i find that odd. I assume the GPS are not the free childcare for you.

It’s the season of goodwill, so I generally just go with the flow.

Entirely up to you how your family spend the time, but my , now grown up, children have very precious memories of their Grandparents on Christmas mornings. If they go elsewhere for their lunch, it sounds like you have plenty of family time.

LuckySantangelo35 · Today 16:55

WOW!

some people on here …. You are gonna get such a shock when your precious little darlings grow up and get into a relationship and have their own kids and then no longer want to see you or have you involved cos they just want to be on their own with their “own little family” !!! You said what I'm thinking. I believe on here a grandparent is only good for childcare.

I'm closer to being the grandparents in this scenario and I wouldn't dream of dropping in on early morning present opening.
Little families need to develop their own traditions and have a bit of privacy/bonding time.
Anyway! DH and I would be too busy drinking champagne and having a lie in.
I'd just say that them arriving early morning doesn't work for you do can they come at......instead.
Failing that I'd wake the DC at 4.30 then ring your parents and say come quick we are opening the presents now 😂

Just say ‘no’. That’s all you have to say if it doesn’t work for you. If you’re happy to see them then say that they can come over at 10am (or whenever) and they can give presents then.

I am feeling lucky that when my nephews were young my sister and brother in law always had me (not married, no kids) to stay and my parents so we all watched them open their stockings at some ridiculous early hour in the morning.

When I was growing up my grandparents were always with us at Christmas which I enjoyed. However, admittedly we all stayed together over the whole Christmas period.

I agree. When did 'family' become parents and children, with anyone outside that pushed to the back? Funny how grandparents are suddenly useful when childcare is required!

But that’s 4 extra adults you have to entertain and cater for, even if they’re not eating or drinking they’ll still need somewhere to sit, you’ll need to wait for them to arrive before you can start etc.

And then what if siblings or aunts and uncles want to come too as they’re all family.

I don’t think you should have to do something you don’t want to just because ‘it’s family’.

Too many people use Christmas as an excuse to manipulate their family into doing things they feel they can’t say no to.

The real magic of Christmas is seeing your children with their grandparents and other loving family members. The opportunity is over too soon. I'd say try and accommodate their wishes.

Do they open all of their presents in the morning? Can you save presents from the GPs until later in the day or on boxing day. Can understand they would like to the presents that bought being opened.

You are not being unreasonable at all. I can see where they would love to be apart of the Christmas morning happiness, but that is really meant for the parents and children to share together, at least in my experience. Grandparents usually get to see the grandchildren later on Christmas Day and/or Christmas Eve depending on how busy your day will be

Could you tell your parents that going forward you are switching it around with stockings in the morning at crack of dawn and tree presents after lunch when you relax more?

Just say we want to spend the morning just us, you are welcome in the afternoon or Xmas eve but we are having Xmas morning just us.
I totally get this I am the same. People coming for dinner come after 12

You are not being unreasonable but I would actually just make a positive thing out of it. I would buy some croissants and easy breakfast stuff. Open the presents and eat some food, have some coffee THEN be genuinely pleased that you have the rest of the day to yourselves as a family. Enjoy your dinner without your parents and just your family. Watch a film, eat some treats, etc.
Also I would save a number of presents until after dinner to open you and the kids. Especially some good ones. Just do your parent’s gifts and stocking and one Father Christmas present in the morning.

I agree, I like Christmas morning just us and the kids. Is nice and leisurely, we open the stockings, have a sausage/bacon bap, kids open more presents and then we get ready to go to either set of grandparents for lunch and afternoon.

As a child we never had morning visitors that was for later on.
Xmas morning was just us and our parents.
Now I have kids I don't have morning visitors either, this is a special time just for us. Don't let anyone take that joy away from you, the grandparents have had their special moments with their kids. If it's important to you then stand your ground.
If I am ever a grandparent I will be making sure that I let my children have them special times without us being there. I will not be one of them demanding overbearing grandparents you often here of x

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. The way you speak about your parents it sounds like you wouldn’t be fully relaxed to enjoy the morning with them being there? If that’s the case then it’s perfectly fine to tell them to come at a different time.

@LuckySantangelo35 OK... I'll rephrase🤣
If you want to have a relaxing morning as a nuclear family then that is perfectly OK!

We broke xmas presents down into some xmas eve, some xmas morning, some lunchtime, some after dinne and some for across boxing day too. We also did some new year eve. That way some presents were from santa but they also knew that family were giving some too. We felt it was important to make sure they didn’t have an everything from santa perspective on xmas. It makes xmas more of an event rather than a get up at stupid o’clock on xmas day thing. Also, big stuff costs a lot, but smaller presents can be broken down into treats and toys, a bit of everything. Also gives the kids a chance to know what to focus on for a bit, too many presents at the same time and they will only focus on a few bits anyway.

Tying it into your parents, you can tell them to feel free to pop in for a bit of that if they want, but main presents are for after dinner. Santa presents (smaller) are in the morning. And ask when they would like their grandparents gifts opened.