Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

10 month old at funeral

139 replies

Jellywellyfish · 07/11/2022 19:58

My husbands grandad has just passed away and details of the funeral are being circulated. I would really like to go to pay my respects, but aibu to take our 10 month old to the service? My husband would sit at the front with his family and I thought I could sit at the back so I could leave if she starts being fussy.
thoughts?

OP posts:

Sniffypete · 07/11/2022 19:59

Do it.

PrincessJanet · 07/11/2022 19:59

I just wouldn’t attend the service but yes, if you must go, sit at the back in case you need to slip out.

Kittycorn · 07/11/2022 19:59

I think this is fine. I did this at my Grandad funeral. Also sat at the back and was ready to leave if necessary.

Sorry for your loss x

TowerRaven7 · 07/11/2022 19:59

I would.

Cheeeeislifenow · 07/11/2022 19:59

Totally fine, obviously if he kicks up quietly leave, sit near the back.

jevoudrais · 07/11/2022 20:00

Ask the wider family.

DD came to my grandma's funeral, she was 11 months. Everyone wanted her there and the vicar mentioned her and said how the end of lives also usually means the start of new ones etc, circle of life.

Sorry for your loss.

langos · 07/11/2022 20:00

That could work but wouldn't you want to sit with your husband to support him?

What we did in a similar situation was get the grandparents on the other side of the family from the deceased to come and walk the baby in buggy for the duration of the service. Then all met up again at the wake. Would that be an option with family or a friend to take them nearby for a short time?

pigsDOfly · 07/11/2022 20:00

Absolutely cannot see a problem with that.

As you say, you can take her out if she starts making a noise. As long as you stick to that I can't see how anyone could object.

MegGriffinshat · 07/11/2022 20:01

It’s fine. I took my ds to my grandmothers funeral when he was a baby.

I sat right at the back and took him outside the second he started crying. Her friends loved seeing him there.

DappledThings · 07/11/2022 20:01

I think it's fine. I expect to see children of all ages at weddings and funerals and find it really weird when they aren't welcome. If you sit at the back and take him out if he gets fussy it's totally fine.

But you will get loads of people telling you it's outrageous. I think those people are odd, but that's my opinion.

PritiPatelsMaker · 07/11/2022 20:01

Absolutely fine and you are being very sensible about the whole thing.

AliMonkey · 07/11/2022 20:02

I did this for my grandma's funeral. I think I might even have discreetly bf at the back of the service. My dad (whose mum it was) thought it was very appropriate that all the generations were there. If anyone else didn't like it, that was their problem.

Palmtree9 · 07/11/2022 20:03

I took my 10 month old to my uncles funeral. I asked my aunt first, and she was fine with it. I asked the staff at the crematorium to keep a door.open that I could sneak out of if needed.

Baby babbled for a few seconds during the eulogy, but my aunt said she actually liked hearing that. (Any more than a few seconds and I would have run out of there, before anyone starts saying how U that is)

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/11/2022 20:04

I’d speak to the family. I’ve been to jolly funerals where it would have gone unnoticed to have a fussy baby and I’ve been to some really sombre ones where it wouldn’t have gone down well, including one really really tragic one where the (devastated) family understandably weren’t at their most reasonable and I think would have been really upset/annoyed by a crying child.

MumDadBingoBlueyy · 07/11/2022 20:04

Dd1 just went to the wake of one of my grandmothers when she was about a year old, DD2 did the full shebang of my other grandmother at 7 months old. Must admit I was glad of the baby distraction (for me) at the 2nd funeral. Can’t see an issue with sitting at the back, my dad asked me to sit at the front with DD for my Nans funeral, she was as good as gold and my cousin held her whilst I did a reading. If the family are happy with DC being there go for it

ClocksGoingBackwards · 07/11/2022 20:05

If it’s possible for you to go without the baby then do that, but if not ask your MiL. If she and the other main mourners don’t mind, then it’s fine.

olderthanyouthink · 07/11/2022 20:06

I've taken a 5 month old, 22 month old, 23 month old and 24 month old to funerals. It's been fine every time.

I've been right up front because they were close relatives, or in a pew with another toddler so they played at our feet and no one was bothered by the little noise they made at that one, tiny funeral of a great great grandparent who was ill for a long time so wasn't very somber.

pastabakeonaplate · 07/11/2022 20:07

Yes sit where you can get out easily and leave as soon as they start fussing don't leave it and home they'll settle.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 07/11/2022 20:08

We did this with my DPs stepdad. We were ok sat at front as DD wasn't a cryer. I did have a tub of already peeled grapes and apple slices for when she got fussy. Worked great snd I was able to pay respects. DOs stepdad would have probably been cross that it wasn't chocolate being given to her though.

Do it OP.

80sballetgirl · 07/11/2022 20:10

My sibling took their child (almost 1) to a close family members funeral as it was away from home & no child care. Same scenario, ready to be taken out if upset / unsettled etc. But they were good as gold & all went well.
In fact their being there made things a little easier, broke the ice, distracted people etc.

Willbe2under2 · 07/11/2022 20:12

I'd check with the family what they'd like. We took DD to my grandad's funeral when she was a couple of months old. I offered to have DH wait with her outside or for him/us to sit at the back with her but my nan and aunts insisted she was at the front with the rest of the family and that we weren't to worry if she started crying. It was fine, but I think I'd find it more stressful now she's older and wanting to move around/chat etc.

urrrgh46 · 07/11/2022 20:13

One of my brothers took their toddler and the other a 6month baby to our sisters funeral. I was 38 weeks pregnant with my 5th - I didn't take mine because I didn't want them to see me and wider family so upset. They went to the wake though. I personally think a baby is fine to go as long as you can cope with it.

urrrgh46 · 07/11/2022 20:14

Just adding that baby and toddler were very well behaved.

lifeinthehills · 07/11/2022 20:15

I'd go and just sit in the back, taking the baby out at the slightest peep.

mamatoTails · 07/11/2022 20:15

Yes I would go.
We took our 9 month old to my nanas funeral.
He really helped cheer people up. He was no trouble, my DH sat at the back just in case.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread