10 month old at funeral

[Jellywellyfish]

My husbands grandad has just passed away and details of the funeral are being circulated. I would really like to go to pay my respects, but aibu to take our 10 month old to the service? My husband would sit at the front with his family and I thought I could sit at the back so I could leave if she starts being fussy.
thoughts?

I’d say it’s fine to sit at the back as long as you leave if he does become vocal

To add, if you do go, be prepared that the family will ask you to come to the front with your baby. This happened to us. I put myself in the back row with the baby but got asked to come up by a closer relative. It meant I did leave with the baby in the middle of the service (they hadn't disrupted, just were starting to wriggle), which then involved walking down the aisle rather than just slipping out. This was never my intention.

As long as you’re prepared to dash out if she starts making a fuss and your DHs family are ok with it then I can’t see a problem. My younger sisters went to some of our grandparents funerals as babies and toddlers and it was fine.

No, but seems I'm in the minority. Funerals aren't for children unless they are of an age where they can understand what's going on.

I honestly wouldn’t. People don’t seem to leave if the baby is fussing. They say they will but don’t and every starts to look around. It’s often a big drama and a funeral really isn’t the right place

My DD was 18 months when my mum died. DH stayed outside with her. It would have been distressing for her to see me crying and tbh I really would not have appreciated it if someone bad brought their own small noisy child. By the time you've thought 'Oh they're being too noisy, I'd better take them out' they've already disrupted the service.

Go and sit at the back being prepared to leave if they make any noise. But do check with whoever is organising the funeral and respect their decision

I see no problem with this. We took our 11 month to one. I didn’t even think not to

With the best will in the world, what other people have done at other funerals is totally irrelevant. You should ask one of the chief mourners if you're not sure. In my family it would be an absolute no.

If it is at a Crematorium, ask the funeral directors as there may be a separate room you can take the baby to and still hear the service.

I was not going to take my DD to my Mum's funeral but my Dad really wanted her there.

We mentioned it to the funeral director and he told us about this room, so I sat at the front with my Dad and my DH sat at the back and when DD got a bit vocal he took her to the room and outside.

This was a fairly new Crematorium at the time so may not be the same in all.

DD was the same age when she attended by MILs funeral. Everyone wanted her to be there, and there was another baby only slightly older. To be honest she brought so much extra light to the day to everyone.

I fundamentally disagree are funerals not for children. Death should really be a much more open thing in England. Hiding kids away from it doesn’t work.

Go for it - should be fine

Fine but I'd suggest you leave as soon as she starts making a noise.

I went to a funeral recently where a baby cried and they left it a long time before taking him out. I could see that a couple of family members were not happy about it!

Of course you can go. Why on earth not?

I'd like it known now that I don't object to any children being at my funeral! There's no way I'd put pressure on the parents of a 10 month old to find childcare if they want to attend my send-off.

This seems a good compromise. Sit at back and leave the moment baby cries. You will be at wake to support DH too.

i took my then 8 week old to my nans funeral and he slept through the whole thing my cousin had to bring her then 4yo to my grandads funeral as everyone who'd normaly look after her was at the funeral set her up with a colouring book and crayons good as gold when it came to my other grandads funeral my by then 6 yo went to school but he came to wake afterwards and hes now 9 and has said he would like to attend his great grandma's funeral when the time comes

My DD was 10 months old when my beloved uncle died, my mum cared for her whilst at the funeral and then brought her to us for the wake. That worked well as I could attend to my own and others emotional needs during the funeral but she brought lots of joy to the wake.

We did exactly as you describe for my grab’s funeral and my dd was 10 months, my dh sat at the back, she was good as gold and my relations said it had really uplifted the day to have her there after the funeral when we were all together, babies can have that effect. Don’t overthink it, just do what you feel is right, I’m sorry for your loss.

Ask the direct family

I think that sounds fine.

We took our daughter to my father in law's funeral when she was just under 2. My mother in law was very anxious that our daughter attended.

My husband is an only child so the four of us sat together in the front row. I was prepared to take her out if necessary, but she was very interested in what was going on and didn't cause any disruption.

There was a very sweet moment at the end when the coffin was taken out. She waved as it went past and said "bye bye Grandpa".

We took DS, 6 mo, and the dog to my grandad’s funeral. We asked the whole family and they wanted them both there for cuddles. It made the day a lot less awful for everyone.

I took my 7 month old to my DFs funeral. Lots of people told me afterwards that when they felt sad they just looked at her and she cheered them up.

I would bring a newborn to a funeral, or a toddler or any aged child at all. I think it's totally fine.

You’d be better asking the rest of the close family , some people actively want babies there, some don’t care either way and some think it’s completely not ok to have them there and without knowing which they are there isn’t really a right answer.