10 month old at funeral

[Jellywellyfish]

My husbands grandad has just passed away and details of the funeral are being circulated. I would really like to go to pay my respects, but aibu to take our 10 month old to the service? My husband would sit at the front with his family and I thought I could sit at the back so I could leave if she starts being fussy.
thoughts?

I took my 1 week old DD2 to my grandma's funeral. Wider family said it was lovely she was there.

My son attended three funerals with me before he was a year old. Always sat at the back so I could take him out if necessary but never actually needed to - he was a good baby and used to being at weekly church services anyway….

Our 9 month old grand daughter came to her grandad's funeral last month.
She sat in the front row and her mum (my DiL) did a fantastic job at holding her still.
We were all v grateful that she was there - she helped make such a sad occasion (DH died unexpectedly at 49 after a short illness) more bearable

In my family children are welcome. I don't see why anyone would object to you sitting at the back. I had my 14 month old at his great aunt's funeral. He did get a bit fussy, so I took him out. No problems.

I took my then 10 month old to my father's funeral. My husband sat near the exit and took her out when she started to fuss. Nobody batted an eyelid.

Ask the immediate family.

I'm Irish and if it was one of our funerals, you and the baby would be right up front with your husband.

It's your choice and only you know how the family would feel about it. Personally, I wouldn't do it and I think it's disrespectful, but it seems like I'm the minority

Yes we did it. People quite liked it. Circle of life and all that.

My daughter’s 1 and I’ve already had to take her to three funerals - what a year 😩

There have been more issues with people who don’t know how to put their phone on silent than from the parents of babies and small children. I could’ve screamed at the person whose phone went off three times during my mum’s funeral.

My husband has been ready to leap up and slip out as soon as she starts wriggling. When she was very small I just fed her to sleep and held her for the whole service.

Yes I had similar comments. I would definitely make sure you're able to leave the room quickly though.

I wouldn’t bring the baby tbh. In the circumstances I would sit with & support my DH during the service.

I think we we're about funerals / death in general in the uk.

My family are from Ireland and children are involved in the funeral. I took toddler Dts to my husbands granny's funeral, I kept them in the crying room at the back for that one, because they were noisy, but they were a real distraction for everyone at the wake and there plenty of other kids there. They then came to my grandad's funeral when they were 7. Thankfully we haven't had any more to go to since then.

Ime people say that they will take the baby/toddler out if they start making a noise but rarely do it, or at least not until the service has been thoroughly disrupted. If you are the rare exception to this rule then YANBU as long as the grandfather's spouse doesn't object.

Can I ask specifically what is disrespectful about children at a funeral?

Thank you everyone for your helpful responses! You’ve helped me make my mind up and I will still go to the service but sit at the back, unless family would prefer we just sit at the front. I will ask.
I think I will call ahead and speak with the crematorium and see whether they have a room I could go into maybe if she starts being niggly.
ironically I’m not worried about her crying, she is such a happy baby and if anything will be squealing and laughing and I just want to make sure in this situation we are seen but not heard, so I can say my goodbyes too x

Rubbish!

I think your compromise sounds most sensible. Go definitely.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I lost my mum when I was 2. I didn't go to her funeral. Knowing that now hurts me. You take him and don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing so.

It’s fine.

My husband’s funeral suit still has the tiniest bit of baby sick from where he was playing with my ten month old cousin (there’s a big age gap in our family) at our Grandad’s funeral.

I had to take DS to DD's dad's funeral when he was around 8 months old, we had to sit at the front because I wasn't going to leave DD to sit alone and it was her dad so she had to be at the front. He fussed a bit but I fed him whenever he started to fuss and no one minded.

I have just watched the video of my DH's funeral and the camera focuses on the front row where I am then DS, DiL and the 10 month old
She was a bit wriggly and really wanted to crawl towards the flowers
But you could see her smiling at waving at people - which was lovely
DiL would have gone out if the baby had become too noisy
Good Luck

I'm old school and think that funerals aren't the place for a baby. By the time they've made a noise it's already disruptive.

But it's entirely up to the close family what they want.

Wakes are a different matter. Babies are always a joy at those.

I would not

Get childcare for w few hours

I'm one of those who doesn't like small children at funerals. I honestly am not cheered up at all by a baby at such a sad time, and am glad no one brought babies to either of my parent's funerals.