To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

One of the main problems with breastfeeding is that women don't feel supported in the community to breastfeed.

So maybe we should just ask the entire community in to watch? That's an excellent way to educate people right? Maybe even set up a viewing center.

Drunk Bon from down the pub. Creepy Gary, old Joe they can all watch women breastfeed and if those women get weird about it they should just stop being such sexist bigoted prudes.

500 responses and only 10 percent think the OP is UR.

Interesting

What sort of man feels ok placing himself in a breastfeeding support group? Any decent man would realise that just isn’t ok.

In re your previous analogy, my DH was there at my DC's birth. So was my dad because he was a pediatrician. However, we had a private curtained off area ) not in the UK) so they weren't infringing on other women's privacy.

That's a compromise many on the thread have suggested. A private area, if possible, for the few men who come along.

They really could've managed the situation a lot better. Perhaps there were valid reasons for him to attend, but why can' he and his wife be the ones who go to a private area?

I didn't actually say anything about who would or wouldn't be comfortable.

I simply said that being a woman doesn't give anyone authority to speak for all women.

Oh wow !

YANBU... he sounds like a right creep! Not only did he attend he was watching mothers feed their kids.

People will always try and defend this behaviour by saying it's natural and yes it is between mother and baby.. it's not a spectator sport especially if women are struggling as they'll be conscious.

As a woman I find it uncomfortable and make it my business to look elsewhere so i don't make mums feel uncomfortable

Then they can find a Youtube video!

The mothers' needs are more important as they NEED to be able to do it.

I fail to see what’s being dramatic about literally being milked whilst a random bloke is in there eating chocolate digestives for the nursing mothers.

there is a parenting group tomorrow - he’s very welcome to come to that.

i don’t understand why some posters are desperate to paint me as a nasty man-hater who doesn’t think it’s AMAZING that men are doing more parenting these days and we should just cheer on the little lambs for whatever they do.

my husband also came to every vaccination.
he researches every baby purchase.
he takes our dd swimming every Friday.
he does more than 50% of baby care and domestic stuff outside his working hours.
he is part of a dads and dogs walking group at the local park.

yet

he knows that being an equal parent does not mean attending a breastfeeding group as women may want privacy.

So, one woman gets to make the decision on behalf as other women so long as it's the woman who agrees with what you want? You don't realise how ridiculous that sounds? Why does the one woman (or many women) who are uncomfortable with men there get to overrule the one woman (or many women) who are uncomfortable without their DH there? Your logic seems to be entirely "because those women are ruling what I want ruled". Why do ALL breastfeeding clinics have to be women-only? Some are, some aren't - OP chose to attend one that's not, it's unreasonable to dictate the rules change for her when she has an alternative provision.

As a breastfeeding counsellor I would have no hesitation in asking a man to leave a support group.

But it should have been

Breastfeeding isn't a "parenting" decision because men can't make that decision. It's a mother's decision.

It’s unreasonable for men to attend breastfeeding clinics when they have the alternative provision of just fucking not.

OP, please make more of a fuss next time around. I can see that you didn't want to make a fuss this time- but next time don't be exiled to the bookshelves.

So your desire to have your husband at a breastfeeding clinic, for brfeastfeeding women, who are actually getting their breasts out, is more important than the comfort of all the other women there, who do not want him there?

Are you always so selfish?

I had twin newborns and a 2 year old and I was doing my utmost to breastfeed and was struggling. Don’t have my mum either.
Still went on my own. Wouldn’t have dreamt of taking DH in as would have made other women uncomfortable.
Used a double buggy and got one baby out at a time- not sure why everyone thinks you have to be holding them.
Any time I went to a clinic where a double buggy couldn’t fit, one of the staff members helped me and laid the baby on a mat near me and gave me a hand.
Men don’t belong here. Enough women find bf hard and painful and awkward without adding a man in the room staring whilst the woman tried to ask for help.

Nah I'm good. Doubt I'd be the weirdo there given id be the one with the lactating tits

What on earth makes you think YOU speak for the majority?!

You seem to have zero understanding of psychology. You have literally no idea how many women in the group were uncomfortable with this man their midst. No sense or empathy that the women may have felt intimidated into not speaking up.

Yet you’ve come on this thread numerous times to forcefully tell women they’re unreasonable for not wishing to expose their breasts to a strange man.

What’s in it for you to position the concerns of women about bodily privacy and dignity and the wish to have a safe space as unreasonable? Why are you so desperate to get us all to accept we have to be exposed to the male gaze to get breastfeeding advice? Why do you want people to feel it’s unreasonable for women to want a female only space to get breastfeeding support?

Genuine question, as a lot of the posters on here are saying they wouldn’t feel comfortable with a man there because of the potential for staring / leering / the worry that he’d be getting something sexual out of it.

Would you feel the same about a lesbian or bi woman? Who was either there breastfeeding or supporting a partner?