To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

When I had my 2nd, I went to a breastfeeding group for support but it was held at a play cafe. My husband came with our toddler because I didn't feel comfortable driving myself there yet and since it was held in a play cafe, DH and toddler came in and played while I sorted breastfeeding issues with baby. But I do see what you're saying about the advice etc

Did it specifically say no husbands/boyfriends to come though?
For a FTM they may have wanted the support/dad thought he was doing the right thing by coming and learning alongside. It may be they've had major issues and she needed support.

YABU unless it specifically said no men

OP clarified that the group is meant for women and those who identify as women.

Completely agree, my comment was in response to a poster who said that male presence at breastfeeding group was essential support.

Single mothers not withstanding, if there is a partner on the scene, breastfeeding is going to be much easier if they are on side. That is all I meant.

A breastfeeding group is for breastfeeders unless specified otherwise.

No need to say 'women only'. It's breastfeeding.

If men are included, that's what you spell out.

@Lentilweaver but I have literature saying 'to support new mothers' but dads were welcome and came along.

I think it's the same argument as not letting men stay on post natal wards. Completely wrong in my opinion

Because it smacks of abusive control to rock up to a space where other women need to feel comfortable and safe . Fuck them im here with MY wife and child . Nope that's not the one

Women who need husbands in tow to help with breastfeeding?? How exactly does that work? What help can they give??

@Mezmer when a new mum is up all hours sometimes they need reminding what was said/dads feel able to offer the support needed/help with latching or holds

Assuming this is about men looking at your boobs women can and do do this too. If it's because you think they're looking at you in a sexual way then you should probably be reminded that women (including breastfeeding mothers) may be bisexual or lesbian. Would that be an issue too?

Disagree with you completely. Plenty of people both male and female are not keen on breastfeeding. It doesn't make them "a massive dick". Just uneducated and possibly a bit selfish. If your partner is on your side with the practicalities that will help you breastfeed your baby. If they aren't you can still do.it, as clearly they aren't essential for it.
Anyway plenty of men are not that great hence the high level of relationship breakdown following the birth of a child. Unsupportive men result in lower levels of breastfeeding. It's not rocket science to see why.
A supportive partner does not however need to attend breastfeeding groups in order to be supportive

Because it smacks of abusive control to rock up to a space where other women need to feel comfortable and safe . Fuck them im here with MY wife and child . Nope that's not the one

And for women to be defending this and thinking it's OK is why there is 'vitriol'. It's almost worse than the men in the first place.

You might have thought you needed his support

The rest of the group did not need him there

There's a subtle difference

If you were that desperate to involve him you should have employed a private lactation consultant or phoned you health visiting team to come to the house

Not subjected women in a safe space to this

If someone can't grasp simple instructions as to how to position etc they clearly weren't paying attention!!!

I’ve just asked my brother (‘cos he’s in the room) if he’d go along if his partner felt she needed him at a BF session. His answer ‘Hell no! I’d walk in with her if she needed it, then make a run for the door and wait outside…’ 🤷‍♀️

@elephantmarchingin so not only do you not think breastfeeding group should be a safe space but the postnatal ward where women have possibly suffered hideous injury to their sexual organs?
The mind absolutely boggles. I pity some people who can't go five minutes without a man at their side. You heed some support for your codependency nothing else at this point

Personally I am not worried about a breastfeeding lesbian looking at me no. They will have their own worries at that time. I would prefer no partners male or female and that includes straight females as well. The peer support aspect cannot function if the group is full of people who are not peers.

It's actually been posted that transwomen can induce lactation through drugs. A fews pages back, probably deleted by now.

The world just keeps going madder and madder...

I'm sure a bit of mansplaining is going to be a big help for that poor sleep deprived mum

Already covered more than once. Read the thread.

You are giving men far too much credit. I remember the Hypnobirthing course and halfway through labour my midwife reminded the father of my child he was meant to be doing and he looked oblivious as if he’d not been on the entire six week course 🙄
This is/was an intelligent man, But in the middle of the night under pressure, their retention of information is minimal ime.

In ALL circumstances

Unless it's been explicitly stated that it's a support group both both for females and their male partners

Fucking yuk
What kind of man - with any degree of self awareness whatsoever - would want to be there?
He MUST surely know that his presence would cause discomfort.