To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

I imagine many of these dickhead partners who tell their other halves they are vital to their success at breastfeeding also claim ladies night at swimming is 'sexist'

All very weird! Dh was extremely supportive and amazing but no way in hell would he have even considered attending a session like this because he wouldn’t want to make the other women there uncomfortable. Like any other decent man. Mortifyingly entitled behaviour from that odd couple.

@Alexandernevermind Out of interest, if you were crying and begging your partner for help at 2am, would they have just got you a drink and a biscuit, patted you on the head and said there there???

Or would your partner offer the support you were desperately asking for?

I'm not even sure which one you mean - which says it all really!

But you are doing the holding and feeding- unless your husband is so wonderfully hands on he can give up work to ensure you are parenting adequately he can just take over all aspects of care?

So many of you seem unable to comprehend a man can be supportive when needed. Apparently those that are supportive have just brainwashed their women?????

What sad worlds you live in. And what awful men you must know.

Yanbu as an anxious teen mum struggling to breastfeed I'd have been so self conscious sat there getting my boobs out. Its really nice to have support with you but not at the expense of others.

Mummbles Your pulling out the clichés now. Hand on heart the only male (XY) I knew that was sexually assaulted was a boy and that was by an older man in cinema. I have never seen any women grope a man or boy night club or otherwise and no I certainly haven't lived under a rock before you suggest it. Though I admit there have been times as a woman that I wish I could have.

Ya know you can have them there for support. I see no issue in that. But if they're going to perv then no.

@ThrowingSomeCrumbs - your blithe assumption that women who didn't need a man to help them breastfeed did it really easily and happily is massively offensive. I had a really really awful time. It was so painful that I had to bite a dummy to stop myself from screaming in pain.

Men aren't needed for breastfeeding. They can support you at home but they do not ever belong in a breastfeeding support group which is for women.

No decent man would ever attend a group like this because he would have some empathy and understanding for the other women there who are not his partner.

And because he would be dying of embarrassment and mortification in case someone thought he was a creepy pervert. Which he would be...

Well I certainly wouldn't have expected him to start massaging my breasts and attaching the baby that's for sure

Jesus, that poser is a troll, right? I’m really creeped out by the image of a overly-attentive husband festishising his wife breastfeeding by massaging her breasts and helping the latch. No. Fuck sake.

This is not a space for men! It’s a support group for women who clearly need support.

Tbh what was he expecting to learn ffs 😳🙈

When i had a newborn my husband came
To the BF clinic twice

I needed him to drive me for starters

I didnt think it was weird. There
Were other men there

Seriously those of you who think the only help you need from a partner is to make you cups of tea know fucking nothing about BF difficulties. Really.
It's always the ones who had a few difficulties at first, you know nothing fucking life threatening who think they 'suffered' and got through it so everyone else should just woman up.
If a group was advertised as women only I wouldn't have attended. If a general group had women who said they were nt comfortable I'd have left (in tears, certainly and probably begging the helpers to see me at the end in their own time) and if there had been private areas or even private appointments we'd have taken that option. There wasn't. Should we have left me to have a breakdown and my babies to potentially suffer brain damage from malnutrition? I mean that is where we were heading. Although I'm sure plenty of posters will tell me to stop being hysterical.

And how would you suggest policing that?

This is why we have single-sex spaces. So that we don't have to undertake the impossible task of working out which men are 'safe' and which men are 'pervs'.

This thread just proves the point in a way for keeping men out of these groups. A discussion about breastfeeding and weirdos turn up.

@Herejustforthisone I sadly think some women live with men like this and have been told repeatedly they would be nothing without their help and support
It's heartbreaking

@workiskillingme He had 3 weeks off with me after the birth. By the time 3 weeks was up things were easier for me to manage alone. 4 days after birth things were not easier.

My husband was helping me to position. Helping me remember the techniques we'd been shown. Helping me encourage the baby to latch on. Why is this such a hard concept to understand?

@Hugasauras i was coming on to say the same about the same thread a few years back.

I personally believe if you want your partner there, maybe try a 1:1 session.

But then how that works for someone who needs the support from their partner and cant afford a 1:1 im not sure, maybe a divide screen in the room.

It was weird. Your husband is weird. Those other men are weird.

Absolutely not!! Totally inappropriate. No normal bloke would even entertain it.

There really are! I've reported a few.

The solution to your problems could have been to formula feed your child, mixed feed, have a private session, whatever.

You do not get to invade other women's privacy for your own selfish reasons and force them to be half naked and vulnerable in front of your male partner.