To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

Why would a man need to know how to get a baby to latch?
My husband supported me when I was bf by making me tea/water, getting me a snack, doing nappy changes, etc. Not by 'massaging my breasts'. WTF

So if someone else wants advice on that without your husband being able to see then what? Tough titties pardon my pun? He's not able to look at a YouTube video or listen to your description? He simply HAS to be there or he's got no hope? And no he doesn't need to learn to latch the baby as he isn't the one breastfeeding 😑

Yet some posters are absolutely determined that women who want single sex spaces should be denied them.

I can't imagine why

It's not about whether you are worried about him letching at other women or not, ffs. It's about other women not wanting him, or any man, there. Why is this so difficult to grasp?

I had this and the man walked in and I immediately said something to him like "excuse me to what are you doing it mums only"
And everyone backed me up

The consultant and health visitor and peer supporter woman ushered him out and the woman was left in the room she said she was sorry then he opened the door and snarled "I'll wait for you in the car then"

Then she ran after him

We never saw either of them again and after that they updated the website and Facebook site to say no men allowed at sessions and If people wanted their partner involved to book a HV appointment

@BloodAndFire what a creepy post right? Anyone think there's an invasion of pervs on here all of a sudden?

YANBU I volunteer as a peer supporter in a family centre and run a group and when men come, which by our rules they're allowed to, it means other people may be put off seeking our support.

It's permitted though because without their presence we might not even attract the presence of the mother they've come with and they may also need support, so it's a desperate bid to find a balance.

I don't think men should be there, but our council also view family centres as public spaces, and you are legally entitled to breastfeed in public if you so choose to, where there are likely to be men.

Fortunately we can also do home visits, and we'll always make time to do so if it's evident that a mother wants and needs support where we can't provide it in a setting.

If this were my group I would also ask the gentleman if he'd mind waiting outside the group when it was no longer a 1 on 1 session.

lifeturnsonadime · Today 16:33
Male support is absolutely not key to long term success in breastfeeding.

Why on earth do you give men so much importance in what is something that only women can do?

How do you suppose single women breastfeed?

How do you suppose women with unsupportive partners breastfeed?

What a load of nonsense.

Of course it is lovely if a woman has a man there to make her a cuppa when she's sitting down to feed the baby but it isn't the key to fucking success.

Why do some women want to exaggerate the male role in everything? It's almost as if they want to be dependent on men, or to praise them for something that they alone are doing. "oh darling baby couldn't be breastfed were it not for you...' 'I can't manage if you don't come to the support group without me.'

To the response above.. ^

There’s some bloody weird comments on this thread, veering into fetish territory.

His presence would make me uncomfortable. Maybe his partner had anxiety or something but even then he should be asked to leave.

You seriously got your husband to massage your breasts to get your milk flowing?

You're taking the piss surely?!

You could pay attention in the meeting and tell him later re the specific holds rather than have other women uncomfortable because you need your hubs there to learn how to massage your breasts for you!

🙄

How do you know that all the men who go are like your husband? How do we find out? A are we letting all the men in, waiting until we see which ones are perving on the other women or controlling their partner and ask them to leave? Which ignores the needs of women who don't care whether the man is a perv, they just don't want him there!

Exactly fml I need advice on my husband massaging my breasts bloody hell there are websites for this type of thing lads leave us be

Am I missing something here but why would you need a partner to position your baby once you'd been showed

Your the one feeding not him

@BloodAndFire

Congratulations on not needing that. Seriously. I needed the help. I explained, without specifics, on this thread that I was in quite a state about it, having had a failed (and almost dead baby) breastfeeding journey with my youngest. I had a lot of guilt - a lot of it due to others mothers and their 'helpful' comments about how sad I wasn't breastfeeding and not accepting my explanation as to why. Neither my boobs or my son were playing ball, and it was incredibly difficult to get my son to latch for the first 3 months. As I got more confident and solutions were found it got easier to manage, but at that point I couldn't not have managed without my husbands support.

The lack of understanding from other women that some face a real struggle with breastfeeding is shocking.

Google
youTube
La Leche League
Health visitor
You telling him

So it's down more to the individual group members ?

Could you really not have managed without him there? His job is to provide a safe, comfortable space and fetch you drinks, he doesn't need to stand over you managing the situation.

Absolutely 100% this.

It's not the kind of situation where it's easy to speak up, not at all. In fact nearly impossible, as you so eloquently explained.

Brazzers....

There’s some bloody weird comments on this thread, veering into fetish territory.

^^ This all the way.

I shan’t be googling those websites myself!!
@workiskillingme The mind boggles.

@OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside I was shown a number of different holds, ways to encourage latching, advice on when to see medical support etc.

If it had been as simply as being shown how to hold a baby and shove him against my breast I would have been bloody delighted. But it wasn't that simple.

You're probably one of those who attacked me for bottle feeding my youngest. No idea outside their own bubble that others have real struggles. Even when I point blank said "if I breastfed my baby he would die" to a woman she told me I was wrong (and thus the consultants, including at GOSH my son was seeing). I expect you are like that.

alright calm down 🙄 was just saying

Those were your problems to deal with. You could formula feed, mixed feed, get a private session with a lactation counsellor, whatever.

What you don't do is force OTHER POSTNATAL WOMEN to have to get their naked breasts out in front of your sodding husband.