To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

Exactly and it just shows how browbeaten these women are. They practically get told they can't manage without Steven for 30 minutes whilst she gets to grips with her own body

Nail on the head
But a lifetime of conditioning and need for male validation brings us here

Yes to all of that.

If you are struggling to feed your baby, please do look for a support group, or call La Leche League, or have a look at kellymom.

If you need to take your partner or a friend, for whatever reason, there are ways to accommodate that.

Please don't let some of the aggro on this thread put you off.

@workiskillingme Are you SO narrow minded you can work out why a woman would want support from her loving, caring husband?! It's not about being browbeaten, but rather about getting much needed support and someone to help.

Excellent that you obviously didn't have as hard a BF journey as others. Good on you. But some really struggled and it wasn't a case of "getting to know her body".

So many women centre the penis. It's really sad.

YABU no way would I have got the hang of breastfeeding my twins if my husband hadn't helped me bring them along to support groups ar first. Believe it or not he was more interested in helping me feed our babies than other women's boobs 🙄

How unacceptably rude. Clearly you take your attitude from the types of men who intrude on sessions such as those described in the OP.

No, the onus is on her is not to find out whether men are allowed and then meekly accept it if they are.
The onus, if she objects to exposing her breasts in front of an ever-increasing number of random men, is on her to strongly object to doing so.

Agree. Bloody cheeky of him

My husband was really supportive of breastfeeding but certainly wouldn’t have hung around in a support meeting. If his wife/partner needed support he could’ve dropped her off, got her settled and waited in the car.

I also have twins (second time round so knew what I was doing a bit more with breastfeeding) and I’d have definitely wanted his help in the early days if I could get it to bring the car seats in/get set up in a chair with them both etc but I still wouldn’t have expected him to sit there while other women were struggling with breast feeding. And he wouldn’t expect to sit there with tea and biscuits either

Yes, I think that’s an utterly pathetic statement @Doverpuppylover The idea that a male is the key to breastfeeding success is totally fucked up.

Like I've already said there are many ways that can be facilitated without them ever needing to encroach on a safe place for women

I'm shocked that Mmmumbles isn't 🤣

I think they're misguided.

If male support was needed for successful breastfeeding, the human race would have died out millions of years ago... You think cavemen stuck around to pat their women's heads while they fed their babies?

The notion that women can't breastfeed without male support is a steamy pile of shit

Lol how funny when someone can't cope with challenge they head straight into 'man mode'
Funny that....

Well said.

@HermioneKipper If my husband waited in the car, how would that have helped him support me? How would he have learned techniques to try and get baby to latch, the different holds, how to help me massage my breasts to get milk flowing right?

*worst enemies not energy 🙄

I miss nuance

However, my DH attended every antenatal appointment, every post-natal appointment, many parenting classes and parenting groups and my DCs vaccinations too.

Do either of you work at all?

Yes, I agree, but it doesn't mean attending a breast feeding support group with other women, complete strangers who probably don't want you there. It means being a father who supports the idea of breastfeeding, acknowledges that it's difficult, is prepared to give an express or formula feed during the night so his partner can sleep, and who will stand up for you against his mother, granny etc who is BF-sceptical. Not having a nice cup of tea in a room full of struggling women with mastitis.

Yanbu. I didn't even need to read the whole thread to know that.
Its great / expected that their partners are supported, but you can support without intruding on the comfort of other women. The bf support group is getting their knickers/ boxershorts in a twist over language. They are saying all parents are welcome probably to accommodate non binary bio women. Language needs to be simplified back to breast feeding mothers to stop this nonsense. The word mother is biological, not just emotional.
In some rare cases (from my Cosmopolitan reading days) some men have a bf fetish, which is beyond depraved.