To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

Really?! Never?! I find that very hard to believe - where do you live?!

@CarmenBizet The problem with advertising it as female only is that you then get told it's discriminatory, as "men can also breastfeed."

So women really can't win, can they? And they lose another space to these men who want to infiltrate bloody everything, even breastfeeding groups.

This thread is bringing out the pervs today!!

🤡🐠

Handbags too? I only noticed CurlyCate.

How long until Mummbles joins them?

There are lots of partners and husbands in attendance at the breastfeeding cafes I attend in my part of London. Not saying you are BU to not like it, but it has never crossed my mind to consider it not normal.

In those early days and weeks seems quite normal (and nice) for couples to take on feeding/latch problems together.

Yet another thing we aren't allowed to do, bloody nagging women... Only joking.. yeah it's F'ed up. Again I don't mind being around women brest feeding but I would never actively be engaged in the process.

Even in my head it sounds a bit like he was either dragged along, or really wanted to be there, in either case, not really fair on other new mums who are there for medical advice and support. In the same light I wouldn't be too impressed with a wife being there at a erectile disfunction support group... (not that I've been... honest )...

So basically mumbles because people who don't have Down syndrome or cancer go to a support group that means women should be made to feel utterly horrified at having a strange man seeing their exposed breast or not attend a group? 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Hospitals changed their policy because they were short staffed and couldn't meet basic needs of new mums.

Oh really? But Handbags seemed so nice….

Why are women sometimes so horrible to each other! Of course men should not attend specific female only support groups but if no such rule is in place, why can’t they attend. Surely you can easily understand why some women would need/want a partner there?? I personally wouldn’t have liked it if my partner wasn’t there but equally, I could go to a group with my partner if it was allowed. He was very supportive to my breastfeeding at home and did a lot of the actual latching in the initial days. It’s so childish to assume that anytime a women is feeding all men are just dying to have a look. We can and do, cater to both female only and partner inclusive spaces

What support does a woman need? To hold her breast, to hold the baby, what? Posters keep saying support, but what does that mean?? I attended one of these a few years ago, men were clearly not allowed and none of this identify as women nonsense too.

I think there is at least one other.

The last thing they are actually interested in is supporting women in breastfeeding.

Then they can advertise it as 'women and nursing parents only'. I don't think anyone would have an issue with a trans dad attending.

@Anonymous48
so long as you’re ok eh? What about all the other women in the group and what they want and need?

Maybe this isn’t the thread for you dear.

Maybe it's not the thread for you either? Off you go then dear.

very 'supportive ' of women too

Lol mumbles nobody else is saying they quite literally have no clue what they are arguing about though although that is very apparent from many posts

No thanks Mumbles. I’m happy here. Sorry you won’t be staying,

I would not be happy with this at all. So unnecessary for him to be there.

And Dover there are many many sources of support for dads that don't involve them needing to observe another woman's body. And they have no right to either

@Mummbles

a breastfeeding group is for women and women only

it needs to be a female only space

soz