To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

Considering how many businesses warn you with signs that a male cleaner might enter the womens loos to clean, I would imagine that unease about men in womens spaces is far from unusual.

Wtf kind of man would go to a session like that?

The kind no one wants there.

All breastfeeding groups are women only because only women breastfeed.

That shouldn't need pointing out.

Tell me which of these support groups also involve nudity and handling an intimate part of your body in front of an audience.

If you haven’t attended a BF group then you won’t understand this thread. You have to have experienced it to understand how they work. They aren’t a music with mummy/daddy group.

@Mummbles again none of those involve exposing a private part of the female anatomy. Amazing how people continue to present such irrelevancies

Except of course the poor conditioned woman who's husband has convinced them they couldn't do it without them

I didn't claim to understand how they work... I simply pointed out that men often attend things regarding their children without it being dictated by their penis. Did you have a point to your response to me?

So women have to make space for males, move over and find different groups, despite them being the ones actually feeding the baby 🙄 God forbid men aren’t placed at the top of the totem pole for once. How about men fuck off and make their own groups and YOU can go with them if you want to and show all the lads how it’s done?

It suits you to believe that any other mother who wants her partner there for support must be doing so because they've been psychologically conditioned, huh?

Wonder why that is?

All the “I was sleep deprived and broken from traumatic birth and physical needs and etc etc so I needed DH there. If women were uncomfortable they could have spoken up” posts are overlooking that just about everyone is sleep deprived and broken, and many have traumatic births, and perhaps they were unable to speak up about their discomfort what with the sleep deprivation and trauma and physical needs etc etc. It’s incredibly hard to be the person in a group who says “Actually, I have a problem with him being here” when you’re put on the spot in a normal scenario, let alone one where one boob is rock hard, the other is gushing like a fountain, your newborn is screaming, you’ve got piles hanging out your bum and a fanny on fire. Women shouldn’t have to speak up to create their own safe space to feed their baby: the safe space should be created for them. Otherwise it’s not really a safe space and you spend the whole clinic hoping the woman who brought her DH isn’t staring daggers at you while you try to latch on your tongue-tied goblin.

Why does that one woman wanting him there trump the views of all of the other women in the group?

I'm sure most women would want their partner there - but wouldn't do it as they don't want to make the others uncomfortable

So you agree that what I was responding to is irrelevant? Good.

@Mummbles Another silly and irrelevant comment from you. Breastfeeding groups, in case you don't realise, are for learning to breastfeed and troubleshoot issues with a very young baby who urgently needs to be fed.

No need for anyone but the breastfeeding mum to be there, maybe supportive women at a push, no need for men. If they have to come, they can go outside or to separate space with their partner and let the women have their privacy.

You're very, very keen to dismiss women's need for single sex spaces, aren't you?

Why is that, I wonder?

Unless a group is listed as female-only then male partners have every right to be there. And someone's preference doesn't override that right.

There are women only opportunities for those uncomfortable with men being there

The default position should be woman only. Only women can breastfeed.

If you include men in these kind of groups you exclude some women.

Which you conveniently brush over with your activism.

I have never seen a woman's breast whilst feeding in public. It is this misconception that women are flashing them around all over the place. I certainly didn't and didn't have a cover up, just some strategically placed t shirts so that I could do the one up, one didn't method. No one ever batted an eye lid. At support groups however, these are spaces for women to be able to learn how to latch properly and for a counsellor to give advise and direction which is why they are more exposed. It is also to help with confidence in feeding and feeding in public for many Mum's who are new to it.

RTFT - it's been answered multiple times.

I am shocked to see Handbags was a previously banned poster 🙄

So, the exact same identical point is relevant when it supports you but irrelevant when it doesn't? and I'm the clown? Ok cheesecake, have fun with that.

@RandomMusings7 the desperation is practical comical at this point isn't it

This thread shows two things:

1. There are many women who just can't possibly imagine that a male partner would be helpful/useful in helping to establish and maintaining breastfeeding. And they assume everyone else's partner is just like theirs. Maybe their partner would revert into a neanderthal and be unable to stop himself drooling at breasts?
2. Some people who've managed to breastfeed okay seem to lack empathy for understanding that others might really need that support because it's not going well for them.