To think a man has no place at a breastfeeding support group

[Was1anddone]

Went to a local breastfeeding group today ran by the local council and was surprised to see a boyfriend/husband in tow.

I had visited because I had a latching problem that needed the consultant’s hands on support, like many women do. I happily feed in front of male strangers and family members when baby is hungry, but this is not as ‘intimate’ as coming to a clinic where the lactation consultant may need women to expose their breasts, manoeuvre babies and do compressions.

I expressed my suspense to the consultant who wasn’t very happy to see him there and asked if I needed to go somewhere more private. So I spent my breastfeeding support session in between two bookshelves in a children’s centre, which wasn’t what I had in mind.

i’m going to check with the council for clarification but but AIBU to think this should be women only? Nothing about it was appropriate at all, and he was very much ‘watching’ all of us.

there are plenty of things men can do to be equal parents and be involved in the process. If he wanted consultant level advice on how to support his partner with feeding- he could have arranged a £20 zoom session. Why can’t we just have a bloody breastfeeding session?

yes the woman may be ND or have anxiety (didn’t get those vibes from her at all though- presented as NT and very chatty and personable but I understand needs can be hidden or masked) but surely a female chaperone or friend would be more appropriate? And if she didn’t have this the council should offer something more suitable? Our dignity shouldn’t be second to her requirements, if this was the case.

my breastfeeding problem needs lots of compressions and swapping sides so my support was greatly hindered by him being there having a laugh and a cuppa. I’m so pissed off :(

Not unreasonable - if you need to have your partner with you, you need to go private.

Another good reason to not have partners/males present.

Men shouldn't be at a bf-ing clinic. Of course not.

If someone needs their partner there, which I understand can be an issue, then separate provision should be made.

Have you ever been to a group?

It's hands on in many cases with consultants there to help you get the baby to latch on.

That's not possible to replicate with a book or the internet.

As men don't have the boobs that need the help they really don't need to be there.

Ha ha Dover just when you think someone can't be more ridiculous
You can't see why an actual woman may need hands on support with latching/positioning,?

Respectfully, I wouldn't feel comfortable getting my breasts out in front of women I don't know but if I attended a breastfeeding clinic/group then I'd be either expected to do so or to request a private room when necessary - how is this any different?

Women who feel how you do could attend a women only group, not go to a group or request a private room, surely?

That’s because on a mass level most are ok with men in such spaces.

Bullshit.

@Mummbles it was a women only group...

Removing consent from women as to who gets to view their body is totally progressive don’t you know…

The patriarchy has sexualised breasts for decades, to an extreme extent. You surely can't be denying that...

I agree that breasts shouldn't be thought of as intimate or sexual objects. But most women have had their breasts sexualised by men, been unwantedly groped, followed home, etc. In fact there was a study that around 90% of young women had experienced unwanted sexual harassment related to their breasts.

To expect women - when the majority will have experienced harassment because of their breasts - to manipulate their breasts in front of men for breastfeeding (who won't be breastfeeding themselves) is just wrong in my opinion.

Oh and my OH is the main carer for our DC - so I have no issues with men taking on the majority of the childcare role. But breastfeeding is female anatomy - no reason at all for him to be there.

@Doverpuppylover but the partner can't latch the baby so...??

@Cuck00soup Note: I didn’t say I was in favour of men being there, or anything to indicate that I didn’t understand breastfeeding women could be vulnerable.

There are a lot of people expressing views on whether male partners should be in spaces for post natal women, or for new parents, on this thread. So I thought I’d ask a related question and get some views on my much more unusual situation. I don’t know why that’s an issue?! It’s a discussion board, people are not going to stick 100% to the topic, and my situation is similar, but there are less clear rules and expectations about what female couples can / should do in these situations.

Our HV told us one of the biggest factors in a woman continuing breastfeeding was being supported to do so by their partner.

I know, I know, some women only need emotional and verbal support to bf. That's awesome if it was doable for you like that. Some of us needed more practical hands-on support to get it right! Bf was a nightmare honestly, neither I nor baby knew what to do.

In this case it was. Many on this thread want a ban from all groups though.

I think a woman in desperate need of support that takes her DP because she's at her wits' end, should be helped privately in a side room for a few minutes. One to one support in that situation is really helpful. He's not going to learn anything by watching the support other women are given.

Mine did loads until I got the hang of it. Just by sitting with us, watching until his mouth was wide enough and then guiding him on. I wasn't really managing to absorb many new skills in my sleep deprived, in pain, post birth state. DH had the benefit of not having been through childbirth so was a lot better at picking up the practical info and then teaching us how to do it.

Yes I have! Next ridiculous question!

You're right. They should have told him to leave. I had to latch and relatch repeatedly in the breastfeeding support group I went to and I would have hated it if men had been there.

It's such an invasion of privacy for other women. Selfish

Lentilweaver yes lol I had big breasts as a young women and the amount times my decently covered breasts were stared at in a public space by entitled strange men who then couldn't help themselves by making uncalled for comments. Thus making me feel uncomfortable at the least was rather large shall we say.

Of course,

I find it interesting the number of posters on here who are claiming to that men need to be in these groups.

Their motives are so transparent and have nothing to do with individual women in groups being supported by their partners.

I just hope that breastfeeding mothers recognise that this thread is being hijacked by some with an agenda.

Given that 89% of the vote has suggested OP is NBU, it seems pretty clear that most women understand very well that males shouldn't be in this kind of space.