To tell DH I hate his new look?

[topazyouth]

Name changed for this because I feel like a bitch (and also in case anyone recognised the description!)

DH has recently decided to sort of grow his hair out and grow a long straggly beard. He's fair so his beard is red. I've attached a Google image to illustrate the sort of look he's going for although he does not look like this... he's the 'nailed it' version

I hate it. I don't find him attractive at the moment and now go out of my way to avoid sex because it actually turns me off. I am embarrassed to be seen out with him- as is DD1 who is 15. For the first time in 17 years I have started looking at other men and fancying them (I wouldn't cheat).

WIBU to tell him how much I hate it? I love him to pieces and if it were a disfigurement he had no control over I would feel differently but he's choosing to look like this. I have told him I think it looks silly before- as have his mates - but he doesn't seem to care...

This would definitely be called abusive the other way round

not laughed at

@FloydPepper who's laughing? It's what happened.Not abusive by any stretch he obliged willingly.

Sounds horrific but you absolutely are being controlling if you go down the withholding sex route.

1000% abusive.

Vile

She's not withholding sex to punish him. She doesn't fancy him

I'm not withholding sex. I don't want to have sex with him.

Good luck with OP. I totally find that ultimatums are the bedrock of a healthy relationship.

To be honest if I was with a woman and she suddenly decided to look like she was of no fixed abode I would absolutely be turned off as well. What is all this nonsense with “if this was said to a woman it would be wrong?” There is a massive gaping chasm between “you must look like x and do yz for me to find you attractive and if you stray from this I’m leaving you” and “chimney sweep cosplay.” If you want to sleep with my then looking like you shower is the minimum!

Sorry I would absolutely rip the piss out of my other half if he did this.

🍿💺

So you are suggesting the OP has sex with him even though she finds him repellent. Because .... it's a man's right to have sex with his woman right? A woman shouldn't hold back if her man wants sex right. Even if she finds him repellent

Yay! Another poster who thinks women should have sex even when they find the man repellant. Because it's their job and a man's right to have sex. Even when the woman doesn't want to

You shouldn't have sex you don't want to have. But you should probably leave if you feel that strongly about his appearance.

Lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think you need to learn a thing or two about consent. No one is obligated to have sex even if they are married.

Excellent point @topazyouth

The idea that men never complain if they don't like the way their wives/girlfriends look. Give me a break.

FWIW he - like most men- would be mortified if I rocked up at a black tie event with hairy legs/pits, sharpie eyebrows and messy hair so I don't think it's fair to suggest a man would be unreasonable to say the same.

Gosh, who has black tie events these days - are you a film star OP?

I don't think my DH would say anything - maybe dislike the black brows - which seem to have gone over now anyway.

I bought something off a lady in a shop yesterday and she had a ring through her upper lip <shakes head confusingly> - but i guess people model themselves on games characters - game of thrones characters and it gives them a kick of confidence.

Well, what was his reaction?

Naunet

Sure, because most men have no opinion on if women should shave their legs for example. If only we could all be as amazing as they are. 🥺”

I’m often hairy, can’t recall a single comment. Have had long hair/short hair, been fat, been thin, had a mastectomy. Our relationship hasn’t wavered. Maybe we’re just weird or maybe we love each other.

There's a lot of people on here saying "Noooo! You should let him be how he wants to be!! Let him live his truuuuth! Otherwise it's abuuuuusssive!"

Sorry but that's some Grade A Gen Z bullcrap. It is the job of a loving partner or friend to tell you if there is soemthing about your appearance or behaviour that will lead to you being shunned or mocked by wider society. This is a fundamental aspect of the social behaviour of homo sapiens. We trust our inner circle to help keep us pro-social. This covers a range of behaviours from correcting the behaviour of children to telling our friend honestly that, yes, her bum does look big in that.

Humans have been performing this service for each other since we swung down from the trees. We do it because it works.

If OP's DH looks stupid, of course she's right to tell him. That is what a loving wife does.

What would be distinctly UNloving is if she lets him go around looking like Stig of the Dump so everyone can laugh at his expense.

Who gets to judge what looks stupid? Some people don't like tattoos, beards and long hair, others very much do.

If OP's DH looks stupid, of course she's right to tell him. That is what a loving wife does.

But it's only her opinion there's he looks stupid. Why does she get to decide for him?

Who gets to judge what looks stupid? Some people don't like tattoos, beards and long hair, others very much do.

I'd say a spouse gets to judge.

To offer an opinion on if it appeals to them yes, but not to say it looks stupid. That's just being a cunt