To tell DH I hate his new look?

[topazyouth]

Name changed for this because I feel like a bitch (and also in case anyone recognised the description!)

DH has recently decided to sort of grow his hair out and grow a long straggly beard. He's fair so his beard is red. I've attached a Google image to illustrate the sort of look he's going for although he does not look like this... he's the 'nailed it' version

I hate it. I don't find him attractive at the moment and now go out of my way to avoid sex because it actually turns me off. I am embarrassed to be seen out with him- as is DD1 who is 15. For the first time in 17 years I have started looking at other men and fancying them (I wouldn't cheat).

WIBU to tell him how much I hate it? I love him to pieces and if it were a disfigurement he had no control over I would feel differently but he's choosing to look like this. I have told him I think it looks silly before- as have his mates - but he doesn't seem to care...

Honestly, I believe most men would just cheat.

Are you my MIL?

Eh? You don’t have a choice about baldness! So how is it the same?

Could it benefit from grooming? If a beard is big and scrappy, I totally get why you hate it! But if he goes to a proper barber and gets it styled and trimmed so its sharper could that be a compromise?

Otherwise if you tell him you love him but hate it, I think he may grumble but he’ll get over it. Maybe get it down to stubble…

(All of this said…an ex once told me he wouldn’t fancy me any more if I cut my long hair cut into a bob. I didn’t cut it, but I felt very sad that, in my view, I couldn’t do what I wanted for fear of losing him. Guess what I did three days after we broke up 💇‍♀️🖕)

No, if he wasn't in control of it it would be different. He's choosing to look like he does

Honestly just tell
him it doesn’t suit him and makes him look
scruffy.

My ex h once grew his beard out, it looked dreadful, DS told him he looked like a homeless Santa Claus. To me he looked like a very scruffy garden gnome.

My ex also looks like this, I always think he looks like he lives in a cave. He still has a fairly high powered job, God knows what people make of him. He did go through a phase of not smelling great either. What is it about this look? I don't get it!

Does he have the tattoos as well?

Could you look through old photos and make comments such as how sexy he looks without the homeless look.

Maybe surprise him with a barbers appointment, a nice modern one that knows the look he's trying to achieve. Then they can help him look a bit more together while he's growing the style in. Then if it's still really not working for you, you need the conversation. But you really should try to support him first.

Assuming what you say is accurate and truthful you have to tell him now.

Print off this thread and give it to him.

I met someone with this look the other day and it really suited them, they were not ginger though. Unfortunately growing out your hair has unflattering stages, my partners is now longer than mine but he had a few months of it looking odd around chin length.

Ultimately the look in that photo is high maintenance, he will need to go to the barbers every two weeks at least, it will need to be styled every day and not every man can grow a beard that thick. Is he being realistic?

I nearly wet myself laughing at homeless Ian Beale 🤣🤣😭😭

🤣

I think you should tell him. As much as everyone says it shouldn’t matter / no one should tell someone how to have their hair etc it does matter- we can’t help but fancy someone based on their looks as well as everything else. I know my dh fancies me more with longer hair. He would never stop me getting it cut really short if that’s what I wanted - I mean he couldn’t stop
me anyway but you know what I mean- but I know he just hates it like that. I want him to find me attractive so I just wouldn’t get it cut.

I also think there’s the “scruffy” issue here as well which makes it worse. It’s not just a change of hair / beard, it’s the fact he now looks scruffy. No one wants to be seen out with someone who looks like they’ve given up on life.

Is that your DH. I think he looks okay. There again I'm not the one married to him.
I must say though if this was a man writing this about a women (and showing her picture) assuming that is his picture he'd be eaten alive.

I have a friend who does have this look and wears it well. His face a and frame suit it but goes to a professional beard barber (don't know if there is a name for it) for his beard to be maintained. It takes up a lot of time and attention to achieve the polished beard look.

Maybe get him a voucher to get his beard, hair done and they may give him advice on how it should be maintained.

If he's happy with his new look then you either have to accept him or find someone or be on your own. Its not your right to change him.

I work with someone who thinks he's got a viking beard. Half his head shaved apart from a topknot and a huge red wiry beard down to his nipples.

He does not look like a viking. He looks like a 40 year old office worker with a stupid beard and haircut.

Beards are hideous in 99.9% of cases.

My friends dh grew a horrible beard and she made him wear a paper bag over his head if he wanted sex.He soon shaved it off.

My husband has been aiming for the same look on and off for the last few years. It’s disgusting, I hate it. He looks greasy and sleasy and just horrible. I’ve told him what a turn off it is, he doesn’t care. His colleagues take the piss out of him all the time, still doesn’t care. We have almost zero intimacy now because it’s such a huge turn off, I don’t want to hug or kiss him because I don’t want his straggly greasy beard or hair to touch me.

I am extremely pro beard. The trouble is that there is a significant portion of men who think that just because they're male, they can grow a decent beard. Not true.

A wispy, ungroomed pubicesque beard is not, in my humble opinion, a beard.

No, sadly.

You’d leave because your partner grew his hair? Leave anyway, do him a favour.