Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

@Schroedingersimmigrant

What do your kids have to do with coming together of someone elses' families.

Not my DC at a friend's wedding, but bride and groom's family children. I enjoy weddings more if there are all age ranges there including children, not necessarily my own. The feel is different. Adult only is more like a posh party.

My DC have been to loads of weddings over the years, all of them family members or their Godparents. I'd have been surprised if family didn't invite them.

We had my young cousins at our wedding and the couple of friends that already had DC brought them too. My gran who never left home made the effort to come too and had to be looked after. But it was great that she was there.

It is all personal preference. The OP simply asked yay or nay to child free weddings. I said nay because it is my personal preference.

Disclaimer. I don't much like posh adult weddings where I have to make polite conversation with the groom's old school friends.

In my previous marriage we seriously considered child free because of venue numbers. Basically there was a limit on numbers of people attending and to include kids we would have had to cut out family and friends. To get a bigger venue would have raised costs a huge amount. In the end we worked it out but a child ran up to the altar during the vows and the parents didn't do anything as they thought it was cute. A friend of mine got the child in the end.

At another wedding an older child pulled the wedding cake on the floor somehow - thankfully it had already been cut. A child screamed through my friend's wedding vows because parents didn't want to take her out and miss it. I can see why people exclude them. Most venues also wanted to charge full price for kids meals as well.

I really resent the implication that you aren't a family without a child either.

One thing that's a bit unfair is that the people who want to bring children to weddings typically are those who got married before anyone had kids, so had child free weddings themselves!

This is so full of judgement and narrow-mindedness I could cry.

I think YABU. You are thinking about it as if it's only you and would 'just' mean one or two extra people. But it radically changes the feel and the practicalities and costs of an event when applied to all guests.

I'm trying to arrange a wedding party right now. I'm at the age that almost everybody I know has kids and partners. If I include everybody's 'extra people', then for every person I am actually close to and would actually want to be there, I have to multiply numbers by an average of four. To have my best friend there is an extra four people! Making that choice means I cannot include my cousin at all- who I would like to include, but only see him infrequently... and If I included HIS extra people, would mean another four again!

That makes it totally unaffordable and also impossible to have in the intimate space I want. I'm also trying to hire a boat for a boat ride in addition to the party. The threshold In between the beautiful boat I can afford and the bigger one, which is neither as nice or as affordable is whether I say yes to a few people who want to bring their 'extras'.

It also transforms the feel of the event.
With adult only, (or even better, no plus ones!) you can look out as you marry to see every face somebody you are truly fond of and is truly fond of you.... with extras, you look out and see only 1 in 3 faces that you know and really matters to you. (And those are probably distracted looking after their kid!)

It goes from spending the reception really connecting with the people you love, to having to 'do the rounds' and check everybody is ok, has what they need, and feels acknowledged.

Unless your a particularly family-orientated person who gets joy from being around kids, it basically makes the whole event about pleasing other people, rather than having an experience you can afford and enjoy. And while it would be a natural choice to include kids and plus ones who you truly love and know, while excluding those in the 'outer circle' people would be offended by this as well.... which is why people create 'hard line' adult only, in the hope that nobody feels personally excluded.

Making the sacrifice of including all these extras is especially crazy when you know many of the 'extras' don't actually want to go and won't enjoy it! The plus ones often feel 'oh god another wedding? Really? Who is it this time?' And kids? Oh yes, they love getting squeezed into fancy dresses and hanging around all day, told to shush during ceremonies etc.....

Basically, including plus ones and kids, the bridal couple are sacrificing their event and their finances for your feeling that you have not been inconvenienced or discriminated against....

It's not about discrimination. It's about the couple trying to invite people they have a genuine relationship with, without ending up with an unaffordable jamboree that has lost all personal meaning.

no atmosphere, no celebratory vibes, wedding day was the most boring, longest day ever , marriage didn’t last long either

😂😂
So the crap wedding and the short lived marriage had nothing to do with the obviously terrible relationship between bride and groom. If only they had plucked a couple of random kids off the street to slide across the dance floor, they'd be celebrating their silver anniversary.

@Knittingpandas you keep bringing up the point about people not wanting to use babysitters. Are you one of those people that never goes anywhere without their kids? If that's what suits you, fine; but surely there are other events that you can't attend because children are not invited/permitted. I don't understand how you don't understand that your children are not entitled to attend an event just because you have been invited.

OP, keep acting this way in real life and you won't have to worry about invitations of any kind! Comparing racism/sexism to your precious little darlings not being invited to a wedding!

Get a grip!

I don't enjoy the company of children. I assure you that the presence of your children, or anyone else's fit that matter, would not bring me any joy.
If I am paying for and hosting an event, I will invite whoever I wish to be there. That won't include children. If people can't come because they can't find sitters or are offended that I didn't want to include their children, that would of course be accepted with good grace and I wouldn't think a thing of it.
Handily, most of the people I know were perfectly happy to have a child-free day out. I guess you and the other 30% you've counted must have a tendency to stick together.

@Knittingpandas

you really wanna let your down with an adult only night out - get the shots in, late night, dancing, no kids to look after.

it would do you the world of good!

@Lampshadered I would love to be able to go out without my kids but unfortunately grandparents live very far and can’t help. So, yes unfortunately we tend to go out with kids as there is no other option. I can’t consider getting a baby sitter given what’s happening in the world. I would risk my kids health for me to have a fun night out! It happened about 5 times in total in the last 3 years that I managed to do something with DH on our own and this was because my mum/MIL were around.

Also, just out of curiosity, are there any “no plus ones” weddings happening? I mean is it a thing like “no kids” weddings?

Sorry I meant “I would NOT risk…”

Getting married next year, we have 2 dcs ourselves. It will be a smallish wedding, 70 guests, including the children of 1 side of the family who will need to travel overseas to attend, 6 in total. Only 1 child on the other side we will invite for fairness.

Otherwise children will not be invited. It would bump up our numbers by about 30, many of these children are teenagers or even adults. Our venue has limited space so another 30 just won't fit, they wouldn't be interested anyway and all that expense would just be a waste. If there are people with breastfed babies I will of course tell them that they are welcome, and people know us well enough to let us know if there are big childcare issues that means that they can't otherwise come then we can make an exception or try to help.

Our wedding day is certainly not going to revolve around anyone other than us and our dcs, and I'm not worried about extending an invite to a 14 yr old boy who I'm sure would rather be kicking around a football with his mates than eating canapés and pretending to smile for a few hours.

We had our amazing wedding (26 years ago) - 100% child free. Wouldn’t have had it any different. Those guests with children (not many) got a babysitter and throughly enjoyed themselves.

What’s happening in the world that means leaving your children with a babysitter would risk their health?

Sometimes just sometimes it’s what the adults would like and their preferences that take precedence over kids and what they would like and find fun

shocking I know

I’m sure there would have been kids that would have loved to have danced at my wedding but I didn’t want that kind of do and it was my day and I was paying it was up to me!

I've attended weddings without plus one as the B&G never met my plus one. (work colleagues weddings). Have also heard of some people only giving plus ones to people who have a partner.

I'm confused why you made this thread? 70% of people say they don't mind child free weddings and you've constantly replied with reasons you think they are wrong! Not sure what the end goal was here for you tbh!

So, yes unfortunately we tend to go out with kids as there is no other option

So you do accept that there are places you can't go because it is not possible to bring your children. You obviously don't go clubbing, adult birthday parties in pubs, 18+ movies. Weddings that your children aren't invited to are just another thing to add to that list.

I can’t consider getting a baby sitter given what’s happening in the world

I'm not sure what you mean by this but people don't generally just google "babysitter" and leave their children for the night with the first search result. If people don't have family, they will ask friends/neighbours/nursery workers to babysit.

We technically had an adult wedding (only x2 pre teens there) we were married at 24 and non of our siblings/ friends or cousins had children yet.

@GoodnightGentleBoris Is this s serous question? Are you not at BBC? Have you not read the story about the very friendly nurse that was murdering babies, the other one that killed her best friend, the policeman tha killed a woman … gosh! All these people look innocent!!! You really can’t trust 100% anyone apart from close family, let alone trust your babies with a stranger just for you to have a fun night out!

You need therapy

Also, just out of curiosity, are there any “no plus ones” weddings happening? I mean is it a thing like “no kids” weddings?

you have been told over and over why plus ones are not the same as children.

1.) Most of my guests have requested the wedding be childfree, as there is more to their identity then their children, and they value an opportunity to socialise uninterupted with their adult friends.

2.) Babysitting can be an issue, if you can't get it sorted then you decline the invite rather than bitch and moan about "discrimination".

3.) You could argue child friendly weddings are just an opportunity for you to follow your daughter around in a pretty frock and take pictures and go "aw" whenever she does something disruptive that you think is funny, some people would perceive that as worse than wanting to enjoy a couple of shots, at least those shots are in celebration of the guests. Though this is where the MN anti booze brigade will come out, if you enjoy anything more than a class of fizz to toast the bride and groom, you're a raging alcoholic. Some parents who don't get the opportunity to go out much will probably really enjoy an opportunity to get merry, and that is more than acceptable.

4.)No, it is not any of those things, it is the brides and grooms' day, and they can plan it as they want. Just because you may enjoy having children there does not mean others will. If there is an adult and a child there, I prefer to talk to the adult, I don't enjoy mixing with children very much, and I find the conversation I have with adults when their children are around are constantly interrupted and we have to monitor what we say - so why should I enforce that on myself on a day I have spent thousands?

5/6) covered above. it's the bride and grooms' day, their choice.

7.) is a drunk uncle making inappropriate jokes the only example you can think of an adult having fun?

How about, a group of bridesmaids who have known each other since school at the end of the night all dancing and singing their favourite songs from when they were teens together? Or, an opportunity for people who have not seen each other for years to be able to have an in-depth conversation and fill each other in on everything uninterupted? Or an opportunity for everyone's nights just being focused on socialising, dancing, enjoying the food and having a few drinks and not being hyper focused on their child's every action all the night. - I value this far more than watching a child I hardly know do knee slides across the dancefloor.

Honestly, all of this to me is just suggesting you don't know how to enjoy yourself or interact with other adults without your child.

Not that its relevant - My wedding will be babes in arms only.

@Lampshadered yes exactly we don’t go to all these places you mentioned. I was never a party animal to be honest but that’s another story.

As for friends, they have their own lives, houses and kids. I don’t have any who would be willing to take care of my kids.

@123ROLO my husband did knee slides at our wedding 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

I second this. What a desperately sad way to live life thinking you cannot leave your kids with anyone incase they murder them like what????