Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

This is your opinion and you’re entitled to it. I had children to my wedding but that did mean that their parents were put on a table with other kids and were still ‘on duty’. I wanted the kids there - they’re my family but the parents paid the price of not having the freedom to let loose so much. Either way has a selfish element and is up to the two getting married. I understand why people choose adult only weddings and it is t about exclusion. I also think dismissing a British culture thing is a very weak position.

@Peashoots and @JorisBonson I am very real!

I am a mum that feeds her baby at the moment while my toddler just went at the nursery and I made this thread as I don’t get the concept of such weddings. Nothing more , nothing less really

1. There is no social event where a guest can choose to bring whoever they want. You don't rock up to a restaurant booking with your mate in tow. You don't go to a birthday party and take your mum. You don't go to a work party with your kids. Unless all have been actually invited.
2. Some people don't have the money to cater for all their family and friends' kids given that this could at least double the head count.
3. Getting drunk at a wedding is great fun, not gonna apologise for that
4. If I had a wedding I'd definitely aim for more of a club vibe than a traditional reception. DJs, loud music, dancing, yes please.
5. I'm not forcing anyone to do anything. If they can't find childcare they don't have to come. I'm not going to get offended by that but it's also not my problem.
6. Don't be ridiculous.
7. Neither? Why would I invite either of those people? It's not either/or.

And people are trying to explain the "concept" to you (I find it strange the fact that a wedding, the way the bride and groom want it to be is classed as a "concept"), but you're being deliberately obtuse and arguing back. You didn't come here looking for explanations or opinions, you came here to argue your entitled point.

So? Cultural variation isn’t a particularly wild notion, and the fact that ‘other cultures do it’ does not make something inherently superior. I’m not british, and nor am I from an English speaking country. Childfree weddings are not exclusive to British culture.

I don’t have anyone who can have mine. So for us we wouldn’t ever be able to go.

Discrimination - When you select your guests based on their age it is discriminatory. It is like opting for specific genders, skin colour, professions etc. True, it is your wedding but still you are discriminating against age groups.

I would like to say fuck off to anyone who comes up with stuff like that.
Keep watering down discrimination into ridiculous levels. Sure why not.

Also, you can actually select guest based on age🤷🏻 even by law!

This!!!

You are probably right but who know. Some people can be THAT entitled.

Tbh I don't believe that type has to worry about many invitations😂

Because it's a long occasion and not appropriate for small children? Because there's such things as babysitters?
My wedding was 2.30pm to midnight, black tie at an central London venue. I'm not going not have my friends or relatives just so a few friends can have their children with them, who would get bored and irritated quite quickly. And these friends surely would like to be able to enjoy a drink and a dance without worrying that little Johnny is bored, missing his nap, needing bed, not liking the food.
Weddings are about the union of the couple, NOT about other peoples children.

It’s definitely not necessary to get drunk at a wedding. But man, can it be fun.

What if there are no children in the family? And surely it's about the bride and groom and nobody else?

And if there are no children? If people are without children for whatever reason are they less of a family?

Lol, ‘food for thought’ - is it though?

1. the guests have a choice. They can choose to attend by themselves, or they can decline the invitation. Freedom to choose is not the same as entitlement to have your choices accommodated in every given situation.
2. then they don’t have to attend the wedding.
3. Maybe true for some, but not true for others. I’m not a drinker, so my childfree wedding certainly wasn’t to enable a piss up.
4. it’s the joining of two people who get to decide for themselves what weddings are about.
5. Thats for the couple to decide.
6. lol, unless you extend an open invitation to everyone you’re ‘discriminating’ against someone.
7. Choose? Okay - neither. Don’t find either to be particularly charming.

"It’s popular just in the and because it’s so popular makes people think that it’s normal"

It is normal... in our culture in the UK! Just because you have spoken to friends from other countries with a different culture who don't do what we do, doesn't make not inviting children to weddings 'not normal'.

How can so many people not understand that everybody is different and wants different things at different times in their lives? This isn't a new thing as so many examples prove. Child free weddings have happened for decades.

Then even if you invite some children to your wedding doesn't mean you have to invite all children. So the previous poster whose thinks her husband's cousin should have invited their children because they are 'close family' despite hardly ever having met them! No! They are not close.

I didn't even invite all my own cousins to my wedding as I am not close to them all. Yet I did invite one cousins child as my flower girl (child free bar one 2.5 year old family member). I was not going to invite family I never see over friends I do see just because our parents are siblings.

I went to a half siblings wedding, they apologised for not being able to invite my or my other full siblings children due to numbers. We were all fine with that and looked forward to enjoying the day without children to worry about. We got there to find lots of children invited. Yes at first I raised my eyebrows but I accepted that the B&G are not close to my children nor my other siblings children but are to their church families children and our other (their full sibling) brothers children, so they were invited. I didn't get upset and had I know before hand that it wasn't a child free wedding but just not all children I still would have gone and enjoyed the day. It was lovely to sit back and relax with my siblings and their partners and enjoy the day without running around after children like so many others were that day. I would much rather have been invited without my children than not be invited as they didn't have enough space for us all.

If you are going to argue that weddings are about family and therefore children are a part of that, you could argue the same about embarrassing older relatives.

Our wedding wasn’t child-free but we limited the numbers of child guests.
In our case, the caterers were charging per seat, so to invite all the kids would have blown our guest list over our budget and over the capacity of the venue. I think this is a big reason why people do it.

We allowed our family to bring their kids but not friends (babies in arms were the obvious exception) unless they were coming from abroad or far away.
We named the invitees on the invitation and spoke to our friends individually and in person about the situation.

I’ve been to a few child-free wedding; the invited people are the ones named on the invite. If your child isn’t named, they’re not invited. I don’t really have an opinion on them either way, it’s the bride and groom’s decision.

Did you actually just compare child free weddings to racism/sexism? Seriously?

YABU OP. People often don't invite children for very practical reasons and after all it is their wedding so up to them really.

We had a child free wedding, apart from babes in arms as the venue we had our reception in was very limited on guests - only 25 guests each, including family.

We had only 1 invite refused and we didn't take it personally. tbh honest I think they just didn't fancy the 7 hour drive and it gave them a good get out which is fair enough 😁

@BadLad

wow that’s terrible! Why do some parents have no awareness that a wedding day is NOT about their kids?!

Surely that depends on who's kids are invited? What does one of my friends kids have to do with my family?? Personally I would invite family kids (nieces, nephews, great cousins or whatever they're referred to as) but if I invited every single child of all of our friends as well we would end up with 25 children at the wedding!

@user1474315215

nah they are not! Weddings are about the bride and groom, end of

We had a child free wedding 30 yrs ago, it's not a new thing. It was a relaxed affair, I wasn't a bridezilla. But after sitting through a relative's wedding where a sick baby was allowed to scream all through the service and speeches, no thought to take her out and then overtired toddlers screaming and tantrumming. Knowing I'd be expected to invite those same guests, I put my foot down.

I love weddings with dc and would love to be invited to one with my dc (especially DS who is 10 and I think it’s be a great experience for him). But I totally don’t expect dc to be invited. Weddings are so expensive and even if the childrens meal isn’t as much they still take up a seat where a friend or relative could be. My friend is getting married and all her friends have 2/3 dc. If she invited all the dc it would double the size of the wedding and would be almost equal dc to adult ratio!

We did this, except it was for the ceremony. £250 for two qualified and checked nursery staff to set up and look after kids before and during the ceremony.

Bargain, IMO.