Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

Nay from me.

My DC are adults now so if I'm invited it makes no difference re child care. However I enjoy weddings more if there is the full age range there.

For me wedding isn't just a posh party, it's a coming together of families.

Elderly great aunts, awkward teens getting to know each other and yes, excitable children running round then falling asleep. Those are the weddings I've enjoyed the most, even when I was attending as a friend of the bride and groom.

What if there are no children in the family? Does that make the bride and groom less of a family?

The wedding party has to go out town cryer style and round up the local rapscallions prior to wedding with a bell..
'Here ye here ye, we cannot have a PROPER wedding without children and toddlers taking centre stage, please come and disturb the vows and speeches!'

The couple are entitled to have whatever wedding they want, they just have to accept that some people may not be able to attend

"More and more often, though, weddings are a hell of a long way away and start in the morning or lunchtime"

Really?

I've lost count at the number of weddings I've attended over the last 21+ years. Only one has been a destination ie in another country for all wedding and 2 weddings in uk where all guest had to travel. In both cases, both the bride and groom were from different areas and did not live close to their home towns so there would be travel involved for at least half the guests.

Every other wedding I've attended have been local to the bride and groom, thats not to say we haven't had to travel to them, but they haven't gone out of their way to make their wedding an overnight affair.

So I think it is unfair to state that more and more weddings are set up this way.

I think the only time any bride and groom
are uncomfortable is if they get upset if any guests, for whatever reason, turn down an invite.

Nobody is entitled to be invited and nobody has to accept an invite.

We've had a lot of weddings recently. Some have invited children, some have only invited children of close relatives (which we were not) and some have not invited children at all. I didn't feel at all "discriminated against" or "insulted"

I had an awesome time seeing friends I hadn't seen in ages without having to chase round after my kids all night. Also my friends are generally getting married in their 30's and it would probably add about 40% to the cost of their wedding to invite everyone's children so I don't blame them.

No one rlse has someone's kids as a centre of their universe. I had childfree because majority did not have children and I am not that keen plus it was planned drinking (not smash bash though) in a small place.
No kids.

It only gets unreasonable when guests say "sorry can't come" and the couple gets in a huff

What do your kids have to do with coming together of someone elses' families

i never get this argument

Changes the tone of the wedding (feels wrong to be doing shots at the bar when there is a 5 yr old wanting to dance with you. Some may not care about this. Some do. Don't judge)

OP, your answer is here- British drinking culture.

We had kids at our wedding.
The wedding and reception was a celebration for us and we wanted family and friends there to enjoy themselves. They , of course had the option to leave children at home with a baby sitter if they could orc wanted to. A few brought the children and went home earlier but said they were glad they got some time with us

For me family and friends being there was the most important thing about the wedding. It was lovely to see people being happy for us.

Wow 😮
Get a babysitter. Not rocket science.

Yes I forgot about annoying children who belong to other people at weddings

YABU.
As a parent to 3 children under 4yrs, we've been invited to weddings that included them or were childfree.
I love my kids dearly.. but god its hard work at a wedding with them- trying to keep them quiet, tantrum free, clean, from ruining the decor or vibe of the day is hard work!!! I would much sooner go to a wedding childless to be honest.
On the flip side, we went to a wedding that we were invited to bring our kids, but for the reasons above, we politely declined to bring them. The wedding was just lovely... but the other young children there were a nightmare, to the point that the groom was stood on the dance floor doing his speech, was already highly nervous, but the kids bowling into him whilst he nervously tried to speak was too much and he walked off the dance floor crying unable to do his speech. Unbearable to watch and I would have been mortified if that was my kids doing that!

Also the cost of weddings is extortionate, maybe consider that the if the couple are not inviting their friends children that they only see once in a blue moon is saving them a serious sum of money and allowing them to have the wedding day that they want and rightly deserve!!

other young children there were a nightmare, to the point that the groom was stood on the dance floor doing his speech, was already highly nervous, but the kids bowling into him whilst he nervously tried to speak was too much and he walked off the dance floor crying unable to do his speech.

That's a major parenting fail. Kids shouldn't be allowed to run around at this kind of event. If they can't keep still or quiet, they should be taken out of the way outside without hesitation at the first peep.

I have 25 cousins who I loved to have at my wedding and each one has between 1 and 4 children so I could invite all my immediate family and friends or I could invite my cousins and all their kids.

I chose immediate family and friends. If I had 1 cousin who had 2 kids I may have invited them but if I had invited kids I would have had over 200 people and had to choose a bigger and more expensive venue.

The only kids that came were where our family had to travel from abroad and brought their kids with them.and that was only 2 8 year olds.

Each to their own indeed but you shouldn't shame them for the choices they make. We now have 3 children and have been invited to a wedding with the children. I would rather they weren't invited as now I feel I have to bring them. I wont be bringing the 3 year old as I don't think it is a suitable place for her, she would be bored and nobody would enjoy it. May bring the 6 and 8 year old for.a while but I havent fully decided.

No it’s not! Unless of course your OH runs round and generally behaves like a toddler!

child free all the way here.
if I’d invited all the kids to my wedding the number of children would have equalled the number of adults! It was a wedding, not a school disco!

I don't get the cost argument when it comes to nursing newborns. A babe in arms that only nurses isn't going to cost a thing as they don't need to be given a plate or place.

Hate them. There are always kids there of a selected few guests anyway.
It's even worse when it's a close relatives wedding because all the suitable babysitters are already at the wedding meaning you can't come or have to inconvenience friends the kids aren't used to staying with to go.
I think it's nice to include kids in weddings.

If you don't want to bring your kids and go as a couple then that's great but I think kids should be invited.

What bollocks.

I have no plans to get married but if I did none of my family would be there as I'm NC with them. From DP's side there'd be very few. The majority of guests would be friends, who I consider my chosen family and far superior to be actual family. We're also child-free so I'm not sure why children should be central to a celebration of our relationship. This hypothetical wedding would certainly be child-free for the simple reason that parties are a million times more fun without children around; I don't know the ins and outs of every single friend's childcare situation but I certainly wouldn't take offence if they couldn't make it.

More importantly is why some people WANT to bring their kids to a wedding. You have to be responsible all day trying to keep them in check, you can’t relax, can’t get drunk, barely have an actual conversation with another adult because you’re also eying up your toddler getting ready for another escape attempt/theft of various items/general destruction.

From the B&G’s point of view, they are also usually put in the position of all kids or none and you always have that one arsehole relative with 4 kids who use family events as an excuse to do no parenting at all and let their little darlings run amok, screeching with too much sugar and causing absolute chaos.

Maybe it is cultural. I got married in front of a
Justice of the peace and two witnesses 30 years ago. I am just as married as you 30 years later. Perhaps you think I would be more married if there were some kids there?

Our wedding was child free apart from my husband’s godson and his sister. Neither of us had any nephews or nieces to invite at the time and not many of our friends had children.

I think weddings are boring for young children, and why should there be an onus on the bride and groom to lay on entertainment for them? I think some parents are incredibly entitled in expecting their children to be welcome at every event they are invited to.

The kids dancing together and having fun were one of the best bits of our wedding. They were all a bit older though, think the youngest was 6.
We recently went to a wedding where the actual ceremony and vows were inaudible due to a howling baby, whining toddler and idiot parents loudly "shushing" instead of removing the kids.
After a 2 year Covid delay too. I was a bit gutted for the couple and raging that the parents had no sense of manners.

Are you honestly suggesting that people should pay a hundred quid and bump a workmate off the guest list so that a child they hardly know can learn how to cope with boredom? How about only inviting people who will actually enjoy it? Let's face it, nobody judges fathers when the kids run wild, they judge the mothers. It's giving women extra work on a day that some people do prefer to use to have a drink with friends and family they may not have seen for years.