Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

Well, obviously they didn't want the baby there. That's fine. I'm good at taking babies out as soon as they make a peep but I know many are not. They wouldn't have known which camp I fell into.

Yeah, I had to decline a baby free wedding 5hrs away (uk, but included a flight). Not an issue as it was just impractical, my baby being there was pointless, and like you I’d prefer to give my baby all of the attention and not put them through needless travelling etc. Had another wedding only 3hrs away and it was just ‘babes in arms’. My husband went to the actual ceremony, and I joined after as so not to disturb in case of crying, so just did the meal/party etc. Was fine, just quite a hassle bringing the baby on such a long trip when there wasn’t any enjoyment for them. I’m not sure I’d bother again with #2. Children that are old enough to enjoy it maybe, but as you say, bring a breastfed baby to a wedding is a bit selfish, I won’t bother again, i think it was just me being selfish not wanting to miss out!!

I had a child free wedding so that my sisters could be there.

I have 5 sisters who have 13 children between them. None of them could really afford a wedding, outfits, hotels, etc and since they all had small children it probably wouldn't have been much of a break for them anyway. So I just invited them, no husbands, no children. We had a ball, they all had a break at my expense. There were only about another 14 friends there and only one was upset that I didn't invite her child,but she still came.

Having no children invited isn't personal, they aren't saying they hate your children, they just want an adult occasion. Be happy for them, whether you go or not.

It's not fair when you choose your newborn over a wedding and the couple and family try to guilt you into coming without the baby. Which happened.

@lifeinthehills I apologise I misunderstood that's pretty shitty how old was your baby?

. We told our guests no children except for babies and they were reminded to remove them if fussy. We ended up with a baby who was 3 months old and that was fine because his dad was a grooms man and if we'd had other friends with babies it would have been fine. Family didnt have any kids at the time. Now they do so other family members will have to decide if they will be invited or not and take the fall out that comes with that. Thank god that wasn't our issue!!

Baby was about 2.5 months, if I recall correctly. For some that might work, but we had a complicated medical situation, so no bottles going on or possible. I admit I would not have left my baby in another city regardless though.

My biggest mistake was trying to explain the situation and asking if we could attend the ceremony and skip the rest. I felt like I was trying to reach a workable solution so we could be there for the bride and groom, but it wasn't taken that way. I should have just said no straight out, no discussion.

Then came the phone calls from family about giving my baby a bottle (they knew the situation) and how disappointed they were. It was just never an option for me to attend without my baby, and I have never had any regrets. I'd make the same decision again (but without the attempt to try to keep everyone happy).

Well good for you @Proamble but we don’t have the same opinion. Maybe it’s cultural? Some of my earliest memories are attending big family weddings. I’ve never been to a wedding in my culture that is child-free. And to be clear, on the few occasions I’ve seen this, I don’t resent the B and G. I’m not angry, just disappointed. For me, getting married in front of everyone who matters to you is the point. But like I said, maybe it’s cultural 🤷‍♀️

Yeah I can't stand kids at wedding, the screaming, the crying, playing up, parents in parent mode not relaxing and having a drink, having to leave early because of the kids etc

You should have declined politely and then just attended the ceremony. My understanding is that anyone can attend a wedding as we all have the right to object to the union (not that I’m suggesting you did that) we had quite a few people that were just invited to the evening come and see us get married.

I can't find the thread, but once before when this came up a poster recounted a tale of a wedding she'd attended where a couple of young boys had a game of soldiers around the vicar and the bride and groom while they were saying their vows.

She was bringing it up with the angle of how sweet it was, everybody was charmed, see what joy children bring to a wedding. I can't imagine too many brides being pleased with that.

I dont mind as long as the B&G don't then take offence if parents of young children don't come, and don't try to sell it as "an opportunity to let your hair down". Yeah an opportunity where I have to pay for an overnight babysitter and worry about whether the kids will settle, and I can't even spend the time they doing what I want. Irritating.

To attend the ceremony we'd have had to travel quite a long way and spend a lot of money we would have struggled to find. We weren't welcome with the baby so we wouldn't force ourselves on them. They made it very clear they didn't want the baby there even if it meant we couldn't come. Better to honour their wishes for their wedding.

I hate parties anyway but I would go out of obligation to family or friends and find it okay. I had a bride cry down the phone to me when I declined but I really couldn't do anything else with her rules.

Unpolite if they can't afford to invite the whole family?! Get real! Weddings cost about £80 a head now, I said to my DH if I wouldn't pay that to take that person for a meal they're not coming. I wonder how many people would attend weddings and pay for their own kids to attend if that was the case? It's an interesting standpoint you have. Would you pay for your kids to attend every wedding you're invited to?

user1474315215

Hate them. Weddings are about joining and creating families and children should be central to that.

Way to make childless/childfree people feel like shit.

Would you pay for your kids to attend every wedding you're invited to?

I certainly would, if necessary. But I don't need to bring my kids, just nursing newborns when the wedding is far away from home. Oh yes, I was once told the baby couldn't come due to cost. Funny because they weren't eating and didn't need to be catered to, except by me. Just say 'no kids' if you don't want them.

They have left the choice with you...whether to get child care and come, or not and don't come. It's just not the choice you wanted 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's just not fair when you make the only choice you feel is viable for yourself and they then call you crying about your choice.

I have no problem with adults only weddings but DH and I have never been to one as most of the time we decline, occasionally one person goes on their own. I suppose I just figured that if you choose an adults only wedding you expect some people won’t be able to go.. or willing to go, of course. I was never prepared to leave DC when they were babies or toddlers with family as they were too young to want to leave them.
But it’s fine.. I don’t hold anything against the couples and I assume they don’t hold anything against me for not going.

We had an adult-only wedding - I don’t like kids very much and I wouldn’t want some screaming child interrupting the ceremony or running around all over the place.

I love a child free wedding, I can enjoy myself without worrying about where my kids are and what they are getting up to. I've only taken them to three weddings, all family weddings.

It's not discriminatory to not invite children, especially friends children. Venues have to limit numbers and children still cost money to feed and then many Will provide some kind of entertainment if they have children at their wedding. It's not difficult to understand why many couples would choose to want to invite more friends to celebrate with rather than children because that is was having children at a wedding means, less adult guests.

We were lucky as we had plenty of people who would babysit (including if not especially, over night) for us so it was never an issue.

If you don't have anyone to babysit for you and you don't want to or can't afford to pay a professional to look after your children then the fact is, you don't go or the one who is a friend of the couple goes only.

I don't see how missing out on weddings is any different to not being able to go out with your partner for years ie gigs, plays, cinema, meal out. If you can't get babysitters for a wedding then you can't for those things. Do you accuse the theatre for being discriminatory for not allowing children see an over 14 show or the cinema for not allowing under 15 ins? Or a nightclub not allowing under 18s?

I just presume it means they don't want us to go and respond accordingly. Personally, I love weddings with kids running round and think it's a bit boring to just go for adults. It isn't a night at the pub, it's supposed to be a family and friends event.

What's a bit weird are the proliferation of evening only invites (another "not that interested in you coming really" signal), when some families with young children would do much better with day-only invites; let kids see the wedding, run around, cute in photos, eat food, home before they get overtired and silly.

MN is nuts about weddings. Fancy getting an invitation to a wedding then bitching about it because the guest list isn’t to your liking. News flash: it’s not about you, it’s about the B&G to organise it as they like. If you don’t like it, don’t go.

We had a child free wedding! They’re my favourite kind…!

This thread has made me so happy to be childfree.