Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

Love child free weddings. I’ve been to way too many weddings taking a small baby where the music’s too loud, the travel is awkward and accommodation and timings mess up any sense of baby routine. You’re knackered by the end and just wish you were child free. I’d much prefer to celebrate without kids, leave them at home or with my DH and just mingle and party without my kids constantly pulling at my dress. Even when my kids are invited I try and get a baby sitter. Kids don’t ruin weddings but they can really limited their parents chance to properly catch up with friends and let their hair down.

Just get a baby sitter and have a night off it's not hard!

Exactly!!!!!!!!

I think it says more about your ability to socialise with other adults if you think the absence of children is "sterile" and "silence"

Exactly, it says more about you than the b&g. I love a child free wedding, that is, going to a wedding without my children. Why would I not want to see catch up with my friends and spend some time with my DH..

So kids should be invited to everything then or is it just exclusive to weddings? Maybe some people want their kids there as they have run out of things to talk about with their other half…

Big yay, we had a child free wedding, most parents were delighted to have an excuse to leave them behind and have fun, no one complained to us about it, nor did anyone not come because of it

Of course the B and G can have the wedding they choose - but personally I find child-free weddings joyless, thoughtless and prissy. And lots of people don’t have family support or the money for a day’s babysitting. It wouldn’t affect me now as my kids are older but I would quietly judge any couple who made the choice to exclude guests on the basis of age.

do some people really think that an adult only event would be SILENT and STERILE??!

surely no one thinks this?!

lol

@AintNoPartyLikeANumber10Party

why joyless ?!

the joy of a wedding is the bride and groom making their commitment to each other, not some kids knee sliding on the dance floor

Nay. I went to a wedding ten months ago. The groom has step kids from a previous marriage, natural kids from the same marriage, and kids with his intended! The oldest is 23, the youngest 3. It was great they all came.

So the 30% that don’t want to be there don’t have to come 🤷‍♀️

As the famous MN saying says it’s an invite not a summons

I’ve been to one and it definitely wasn’t lively. Very few out dancing. People broke off into groups and sat around chatting.

It was quite boring, not saying all childless weddings are, but this is the only one I’ve been to and it was.

So roughly 30% of the people in this thread say that they are not happy with child free weddings.

1. that isn't the question I voted on. I voted that you were being completely ridiculous (as well as unreasonable) in everything you put in your opening post
2. If the vote is being read as if you prefer child free weddings or not hat means that 71% (over two thirds of respondents) - even on a parenting site - would prefer weddings to be child free. If you add in to the mix all the millions of people who don't have children and are statistically less likely to be on a parenting site, I should imagine that % would shift up even more.

Those of you that you preferred to go for such a wedding just keep in mind that 30% of your guests (one third of them!) is unhappy that you excluded their kids

No they're not. Less than a quarter of my guests actually have (young) children. So that's a third of a quarter. And according to a lot of pps half of them will have turned down the invitation anyway.

It's usually the same people that thinks their kids 'high jinks' are adorable...

I didn't invite any children to my wedding and said on the invite that it was adults only. My mum had gone from saying "never have children, if I could do my time again I wouldn't!" ad nauseum my entire life to telling me every time I saw her (after I got engaged) that I HAD to have children once I got married (it's the law in her book. She also repeatedly told me that I HAD to have children because if I didn't I'd disappoint my in laws, and that I should have 2. Anyone who has more than 2 is a trollop apparently, its bizarre...) I was so exasperated and fed up that I banned kids because otherwise it would provide yet another opportunity for her to apply pressure (maybe I got over sensitive but the comments got more irritating as the months went on). Only one parent couldn't come because of childcare. Everyone else had family support for the day and said that it was nice to be able to celebrate without having to worry about/keep an eye on their kids.

These threads always end up in total hysteria with people essentially saying that weddings without children are indistinguishable from funerals, so bereft would be the invitees without the poster’s children in attendance.

The two best weddings I’ve been to were childfree - ten people, no photos, lovely intimate pub meal after and then a fantastic band played. Still have the happiest memories of it. The other was similarly small on a beautiful beach at sunset, with a beach bonfire and dancing to follow. No photographer, just the guests taking pictures.

By contrast, the big weddings with the kids there have been the snowiest - with parents dressing their kids up to look like flower girls and page boys, trying to nudge them into the photographs, ensuring that everyone there can see them in their outfits, filming them half the bloody time rather than focussing on the couple.

I’ve also never been to a single wedding where kids have been present where there hasn’t been some form of chaos - drowned out vows or speeches, kids colliding with waiters, food being thrown, I’ve seen it all. Oh, except parents telling them off. Never witnessed that.

If I get married it’s childfree all the way, and no I’m not interested in how anyone else feels about it. They’re free to decline to come.

Exactly. If you need a wedding to show what ‘family’ is like then you probably have other issues. I have children, I have a wonderful partner, I have family, I have a lot of lovely friends. It’s up to the people who are paying for a day to show their commitment to each other, for it to be legally binding (between the two of them, not their friends, family, random children), to have fun, to have the day they want. They’re not doing it for a life lesson to children and others. Give them a bloody break! They just want to wear a nice suit, eat some food, have a dance and a drink - not to educate your children on what ‘family’ means.

So that's a third of a quarter

A twelfth. Obviously.

It is when it's a wedding you have to travel to and you have a fully breastfed newborn who can't take a bottle, even if you wanted them to.

I still have no problem with someone having a childfree wedding in that situation, but I won't be attending because I need to be with my baby at that stage of life. I'd normally feel obligated to attend such an event, but I do feel a greater obligation to my baby.

@lifeinthehills then just don't go. Don't pressure the bride and groom to let you bring your children. Just says sorry can't make it breastfeeding

@lifeinthehills I'm
Not being rude, they probably don't want your baby there. No guarantee you'll take them out if they start crying. Most parents will but you always get one who just looks around at people whilst their child is kicking off beaming at how beautiful their child who is ruining a wedding is.

Those of you that you preferred to go for such a wedding just keep in mind that 30% of your guests (one third of them!) is unhappy that you excluded their kids.

Then again, there was saving the cost of airfares, accommodation, car rental, wedding clothes. That was a bit of a relief.

Thats so interesting as I’ve always found the opposite! How many weddings have you been to and at what age. I think it depends sometimes on the age you are and the children you have. Had so much fun going to childfree weddings. Out of interest, how do you quietly judge? Do you make a particular face? Or do keep it internal? Or do you not bother going if you’ve already made a judgement on the blushing bride and groom? Hopefully the latter - nobody needs resentment on their wedding day. I’ve enjoyed every wedding I’ve been to, but I’ve nice friends and family and I’ve just been happy to be there, whether going as a couple or with children.

Which is what I did. Response: "Can't you give the baby a bottle?" Well no, for medical reasons that was impossible even if I wanted to. I was the bad guy for not leaving my baby. I really didn't mind. I only minded the pressure when I said I couldn't come on my own.

We had a child free wedding apart from our 2 (1 and 3) and 2 new borns (c. 6wks). Because I was on Mumsnet and everyone hates weddings here I did ask a few of my friends if they would want/have to bring them and got a resounding 'hell no!'. I had planned to phrase the invite along the lines of 'if you are really struggling for childcare let us know'. But my MIL said that a relative I barely know (and have never met her children) was always angling to get her son invited to things and he can be hard work.

Weddings really are pretty boring for kids. And make it less fun and more hard work for the parents. I think I'd rather not go than take kids