If you are a SAHP why?

[cattyfranny]

Currently I am a SAHM, I am studying at Uni and I volunteer but I don’t have a paid job (I have a 2 yr old home and 7 yr old at school)

When I meet new people they assume that I have been “forced” into this position either because childcare costs are too high or crazily that my DH asked me to stay home! They seem to think it’s unthinkable to choose to be a SAHM 🤷‍♀️

If you are at home with your children, did you willingly choose to do it? Would you prefer to be at work? Why are you a SAHP?

I'm sort of choosing it.
Went back to work after 1 year after my last two DCs, but part time. When the older one was 8/9 she starting having huge problems at school (she's autistic) which coincided with me being made redundant. It was good I was around to help her and take her to appointments and assessments. I later did some supply teaching, which is difficult because of the irregular and ad hoc nature, and needing to sort childcare last minute.
Then DH starting working away a lot so I stopped. Now I'm in my 50s I probably won't bother again. I'm doing up our house instead and walking the dog.
I don't care if anyone approves or not.

I'm not anymore but I was for 7 years.There were several reasons. I was aware the baby/toddler years would go quickly and I wanted to experience them fully and be there for the children. My husband works insane hours so I tend to do everything domestically. It made life easier for us as a family to have me not working. I would have gone back to work when my youngest was about 2 but then I got a serious illness that took a long time to recover from mentally. My husband also dd a sabbatical abroad so we joined him for that.

i have a little part-time job one or two days a week but otherwise am a SAHP. My 2 kids are both at primary school now. The balance just works so much better for the family. I’m less stressed than when I was working full-time and love that I have all the time I need to keep the house clean and organised, do DIY, meal plan and food shop/prepare food in the day etc etc... those were all things I couldn’t keep on top of when I was working. One DC also has SEN and autism which means I need more time and patience.

Sahp for 8 years as a choice because I didn't want my kids being looked after by someone else. I loved it and had lots of friends in the same position. Financially well off which made it a viable option. I'm back working f/t now in a very well paid job so my pension is sorted. Realise this doesn't fit the MN narrative of being bored and a ruined career and pension but it worked for my family.

SAHP since Dc3 arrived 5 years ago. Mix of reasons along with a preference for wanting to be with them more until in school. Lack of childcare, expense after dc4 arrived and actively wanted a change in direction. COVID threw a spanner in the works too. I study full time and will do until dc4 is in yr1 in 2 years. Our financial circumstances from 2009-2019 allowed it though, it’s tough now though and after 5 years look forward to study & work. I have had a mix of judgement & pity for my choices, little positivity. Judgement more so since dc4 got his free hours.

I had the opportunity to take a career break from work for a few years with the guarantee my job would be available to me on return so I took it following maternity leave with dc3. I was a single mum to ds1 and worked full time
so it’s been nice to be home with dc 2&3.

ideally I’d like to be home full time forever but the economy at the moment seems against me

I’m a SAHP because my youngest who is almost 20 has an ED and I need to care for her.

I chose it, financially it would have only just worked for us but I had the choice and chose to stay home. When DD was 2.5 I got a part time job in the evening purely for my own sanity and it works really well, I get to be at home with her all day then go to work for a couple of hours when she goes to bed.

I was a SAHM and I loved it, we did this as we didn’t want to pay childcare costs and we could manage on just dh’s wages and I wanted to be at home with our children, I didn’t want to hand them over to a teenage girl in a nursery to look after either. I didn’t have a career or go to uni so my job wasn’t that important and knew I’d get another when the time was right.

as the children got older I got a part time evening job in hospitality which was perfect as I was here during the day and for 2 evenings a week dh was in charge.

I don’t regret being a sahm, when mine were teenagers I went back to college to get a qualification and now have a great 30hr a week job.

Currently still on maternity leave but no plans to go back to work straight away unless our circumstances change. I think its important for both of you to be happy with the arrangement and what you expect from it. Early on in our relationship, we discussed how we would bring any future children up and luckily agreed on most things (very similar childhoods which we both wanted for ours). Over lockdown, I was furloughed and got to test out part of the sah lifestyle with the dog and enjoyed it so knew I wouldn't miss work.

8 years when the kids were small. Loved it and felt I was giving the DCs the best start in life with one to one attention and love. I've worked all my life and will continue to do so but to give 8 short years to the kids I love was nothing.

Not for everyone and people make the decisions that are best for them.

Because we have enough money that I don't need to work and it's easier with one of us focusing on the children and one of us focusing on work. No rushing around trying to balance it all.
DS is in school and DD goes to nursery a couple of days per week so I can have exercise and get bits done.
I love it.

I chose to be a sahm & loved it. When my first one became a toddler I managed to have a little business at home which gave us some extra pocket money. The drudgery of housework has to be done whether you work or not. I think I would have found it a lot more stressful fitting it all in, school runs etc if I'd worked full time.
However, I was lucky enough to have a dh who earned enough to support us & housing costs compared to wages were so much cheaper in the 90's. Now the kids have flown the nest & I'm back to working full time to save for retirement. I really miss my time as a sahm with my babies!
And I really feel for the younger generation with the housing & child care costs. It all seems much more stressful & even more of a rat race than in the mid 90's

I was a stay at home mum as my son was born with dislocated hips and with all the treatment he had to have hospital trips etc it would have been impossible to keep a job so I stayed home with ds until he started school. In that time I did start a business and worked around his sleep etc. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I had with ds even though it could be isolating and hard work. I work full time now and ds benefitted from me being at home with him.

Yes I chose it. Very happy.

fwiw, I am a professional and have qualifications and would earn well. I don’t want to right now, I enjoy looking after my family and feel privileged that I can.

Chose it, loved it, would do it all again, but each to their own, & we can't ALL choose, sadly, some mums these days can't afford to choose to be a SAHM.

Personally, I just wanted to be there for my children when they were little. We're in the fortunate circumstance where we can afford to (I live in an EU country which provides enough for parents to stay at home if they choose - I'm paid an amount for staying home looking after the kids from the government and child benefit it's 220 euros a month per kid so with child benefit and my money, it's like having a part time job really - and DH is supportive, he is fine with me staying home, we have joint account which I have access to and he's always grateful for what I do around the house even though I think that's my job anyway as a sahm, he also does his share of housework and parents equally when he's home so that helps too).
When i was growing up, my dad wasn't around, my mum worked constantly and I hated it, I missed having parents in my life. I definitely want to be around full time until my youngest goes to nursery at 3 years old, then I'll look into getting a part time job. I enjoy working so I'm happy to go back to it, I'm educated to masters level and have lots of experience as I've been working since I was 16. But for now, I'm happy to focus on staying at home, spending time with my children and keeping the house in order!

Lots of reasons.
It was easier for me, easier for my DH and easier for the children.
I loved being home with my children. I loved their company. I loved volunteering in their schools and in the community. I loved having time to grow vegetables and the time to try to live in a more sustainable, eco way.
My DH always made enough money for us to be comfortable with me being at home. Then my being at home allowed him to focus on his career which has really paid off.
I worked for enough years before having children (DH in graduate school) to have known a bit of career success, and also to know that working for a corporation was not the only or best way for me to feel fulfilled.
The childcare options where I live (no family anywhere near) were limited and not the best quality.

I e been a SAHM, worked PT and worked FT. People have had opinions on all of them 🤷‍♀️

My only regret is that I wasted some of my time as a SAHM fretting about not working rather than just enjoying it.

I’d love to be a SAHM but I couldn’t do without the wage. Recently returned back to work from mat leave and I hate it.

I’m a SAHM with 12 month old DS. I actually stopped working before falling pregnant. When the lockdowns started, I stopped getting hours at work (which I didn’t mind as I was finding things quite stressful). I was having fertility problems which we were trying to sort with a specialist, and I didn’t look for other work so I could keep stress levels down. DH had started a better paid job, so financially it was feasible.

We have DS now, and DH and I are comfortable with me staying home. We don’t have a support network nearby to assist with childcare, so we’d need to rely on professional childcare if I went back to work. I’d have to work full time to cover the costs and have very little left over afterwards. We’ve decided that me being at home with DS is more valuable to us than the small amount of money that’d be left over if I worked, and we’re fortunate to be able to make that decision.

We do activities and baby groups so he can learn to socialise and play with others, and the plan is he will go to nursery when he’s three. For now, I’m very happy to be a SAHM and don’t feel I’m missing out on anything by not working. As long as it’s financially possible, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Also if I am honest I am quite lazy and the thought of juggling a full time career, nursery drop off, running the house etc sounded like hard work. I know some SAHMs find being 'at home' really tough but after a demanding career in customer relations it was so much easier ... I had my DS late (42) so I felt I had achieved what I wanted to in the work force, mortgage was virtually paid off so it was a good time to relax and enjoy myself. Making up for it now - DH has retired early and I am happily sill working .

I was for a decade. Because I chose to be. It was partly situational and partly because I wanted to be for a while anyway although perhaps not for quite that long. Looking back, not unhappy with that choice, even though it has had knock-on career and money consequences and I might not make exactly the same decisions if I went back in a time machine to have another go. But I'd still be a SAHM until at least the end of KS1 for my youngest.

God knows why mn is obsessed with sahp, it’s a big no no with the majority on here. I didn’t work till my youngest was 3. Wasn’t worth it as We would have to pay childcare from a min wage job. I was ready after the three years to get back into the workforce. I quite enjoyed being in the house for my kids. I was 39 when I had my first so I wanted to enjoy them.

I chose to be a SAHM, with the full support of DH. Once DCs were both in school I did various bits of voluntary work. I returned to work term time only when youngest went to secondary school.

I loved it and wouldn’t change a thing. TBH most of my circle of friends were either SAHMs or worked part time only