To not want to give lifts with baby in the car

[alwaysfrazzled]

My baby is four months old and is a nightmare in the car. She screams the place down and always drops her dummy which upsets her even more. If I need to go anywhere in the car I make it short journeys and if I have to go anywhere longer than ten mins I always go with someone else in the back.
Sister in law is in hospital and needs a lift home. She stays a half hour drive away so that's an hour round trip.
She would have to sit in the back with the baby but it won't stop the screaming, on the way home would be a nightmare. I hate driving with constant screaming.
I don't want to do it. Would I be unreasonable to suggest she gets the bus home?
My partner is working away so not home to help. Her mum is on holiday. Nobody else can drive her home. Nightmare.

Jesus Christ this is a ridiculous over reaction. Are you the SIL???.
Ops baby is distressed in the car, she'll have two at least 30 minute journeys where her months old baby screams herself sick, for a non essential journey because TAXI'S EXIST!!!!!!! This isn't about OP collecting her and caring for her. She's just a taxi with a screaming baby.

As an adult who can get into a taxi, its beyond selfish to expect a baby to be put through that just because you want to be indulged by having YOUR choice of driver.

OP hasn't said she won't help at other times, but just not one whereby its putting her BABY through an hour of trauma.

You need to have a word with yourself if you;re really this entitled and selfish

If she is still unwell, then a screaming, vomiting choking baby is certainly going to make her worse then, isn't it. So all the more reason not to! A relaxing taxi ride is far better for SIL's health.

@alwaysfrazzled say no, with apologies and explanation. offer to pop down and see her once DH is home or send her some flowers or whatever but no one who isn't a selfish dick wants to sit listening to a baby for 30 minutes because they couldn't be bothered to call a cab

id say no my son used to scream until he vomited also and it would make me so anxious as I couldn’t concentrate. He didn’t stop doing this until he was around 1yr old. If it’s just antibiotics tell her to make her own way home I definitely wouldn’t be giving a lift even without the baby

And if she's that unwell, then the last thing she needs is to sit in the back of a car next to a screaming, vomiting baby, surely?

@JennyNotFromTheBlock why are are shouting so much?

Someone having IV antibiotics is very unwell. As you have experienced, serious infections can lead to sepsis. Sepsis can kill.

Yes, this is also a danger. So SIL leaves hospital to be in a car accident. Brilliant thought process, you people (who thinks OP should put baby's life at risk and other's life at risk when there is a thing called a taxi)!

No, she does not have to 'suck it up', there are taxis. It's an amazing invention. And it means OP doesn't have to make her baby sick or be a hazard on the roads. And if SIL is this much of a CFer to ask for this, then no doubt she will ask for a lot more.

And if she's that unwell, then the last thing she needs is to sit in the back of a car next to a screaming, vomiting baby, surely?

That is up to her to decide not you or I, presumably she asked for a lift? Or was happy for whoever did ask to do so?

why is this even being discussed? She needs to get a taxi.

@thesurrealist She is being released from hospital. If the sepsis was still there, she would not be being released. I don't think you understand what Sepsis is. No hospital releases a patient with active Sepsis.

YABU I’d give sil a life home in that situation and I hate driving!

It's up to the OP to decide. Any CFer can ask something that is as unreasonable as this, it doesn't mean the OP has to say yes and put people's lives at risk on the roads.

My eldest was a bit like this, hated the car seat if it was longer than 20 minutes.

We didn't go far for a long time.

Until you have sat with a child going mental you really have no idea.

So distressing.

I don't think it is safe to do so unfortunately I don't think you are able to do this.

She hasn't had surgery, she's been getting antibiotics.

Normally you might want to help but in this situation the safety of yourself driving, trumps your SIL.

She needs to get a taxi. It's awful driving with a screaming child.

Agree

YABU

I don't like my SIL and even I'd do it!

Leaving hospital on your own then going back to an empty house would be miserable.
Plus, if you want to be mercenary, you never know when you might need a favour from her.

I just can't imagine being that selfish as an adult - knowing that I'm making my SIL drag her screaming baby on multiple car journeys just to help me out for half an hour.

But according to this thread it's totally normal -_-

You couldn’t be more unhelpful telling someone that their baby “isn’t normal”.

I also had a screamer in the car. She hated the rear facing seat and used to get really distressed, even when we put a mirror up so she could see us. It was AWFUL. It all got better the day we could move her to forward facing. So just because you’ve not seen it happen doesnt mean it’s not “normal” or never happens.

OP mine was much better if someone was in the back with her that she could see - would that work? If your sister sat in the back with the baby?

To be honest, remembering how stressful it was for us, I would see of I could help out by finding someone else to collect her (assuming you can’t get someone to sit for your baby - you might have answered that already).

It’s not OP who is being asked to make the biggest sacrifice, it’s the baby.

People act like a screaming baby is just an annoyance instead of a human being with feelings.

SIL is a full grown woman. She needs to get a taxi. Who even asks a mother with a young baby for favours? It shouldn't even be an option that you drive her.

There is a huge difference between a child who occasionally gets grumpy in the car (and can be distracted) and a child who downright hates it (and lets you know about it!) every single trip. If you have the latter 'type' of baby you end up dreading every single trip, especially longer drives.

Some posters seem to be going OTT with their solutions/responses... Some babies just don't like the car. It doesn't matter how many toys or distractions you give them, it's impossible to 'sort it' (the only thing that will 'sort it' is growing up). One of my children hated the combination of being apart from us/not able to see us when rear facing and being restrained. It's not a medical issue (the doctor can't do anything about it) and you can't do anything about it except limit the time in the car if/when possible. My child grew out of it at about age 2.5 (and thankfully my second child doesn't mind car journeys at all).

YABU. It would be kind to collect your SIL.