To not want to give lifts with baby in the car

[alwaysfrazzled]

My baby is four months old and is a nightmare in the car. She screams the place down and always drops her dummy which upsets her even more. If I need to go anywhere in the car I make it short journeys and if I have to go anywhere longer than ten mins I always go with someone else in the back.
Sister in law is in hospital and needs a lift home. She stays a half hour drive away so that's an hour round trip.
She would have to sit in the back with the baby but it won't stop the screaming, on the way home would be a nightmare. I hate driving with constant screaming.
I don't want to do it. Would I be unreasonable to suggest she gets the bus home?
My partner is working away so not home to help. Her mum is on holiday. Nobody else can drive her home. Nightmare.

If it doesn’t matter if someone is next to her, why did you say you need to make sure someone else can sit in the back seat for longer drives?

I can only speak for me, but there's no way I'd expect my SIL to help me out if it involved her 4mo screaming until they were sick.

I think it's pretty shocking that so many grown adults think it's acceptable to put a baby through that for their own sake, to be honest.

No, don't pick her up. Your baby is still only tiny and it's traumatic for you both to go through that. She can get a taxi.

My DD used to scream in the car but we lived an hour from my parents and I wanted to visit them so, screaming it was until she eventually got used to it. She's brilliant now and we take her to Cornwall etc (live in Suffolk). Baby will get used to the car. YABU

My eldest was a car screamer. It was awful and he wouldn’t use a dummy. It was like nails on a chalkboard. Is there no one who could pop round and watch baby at your place?

If SIL is just going in for IV antibiotics, then she should be ok to get herself back home (how will she get to the hospital for this appointment?).

The last time I had to have IV antibiotics was when I had pneumonia. I was taken to hospital by ambulance and was not allowed out until someone could pick me up and stay with me.

They don't give IV antibiotics when oral ones could work fine. Assume she's pretty seriously ill.

If I was her and my SIL wasn't keen on picking me up then I'd get a taxi, not a bus because that's ridiculous, but I'd sure as hell make sure that I always had other plans for when the babysitting requests come.

Sometimes adult needs trump baby needs.

If you’ve got other children to look after then surely you just can’t do it. “Sorry, I can’t get anyone to look after the kids”

No you will NOT have to 'just pick her up'. It's very clear that this simply is NOT DOABLE for you. You tried an hour, you had to turn back. Half an hour there to pick her up and back, seriously, you just....cannot.....do it. You can't. She will HAVE to get a taxi or uber. You cannot leave your baby with anyone else, and driving like that not only distresses your baby and makes her sick, but having that screaming like that is as driving hazard for you. It is not safe for you to drive like that.

You have no other option. She must get a taxi back. There is no other workable solution. DON'T give in and risk your baby's health and your safety on the road.

YABU and I say that as someone who had one child who became possessed in the car, cried til she vomited and then cried some more.

Not half as anxious as your poor sister in law is probably feeling right now. Do you have any concept of how dangerous a UTI can be?ffs.

I live in a country where we see pediatricians incredibly frequently during the first year. There is nothing they can do for car hatred. There are a few babies who have reflux that is exacerbated by the car, but those children have other signs of reflux. If your baby hates the car and you live somewhere isolated where the only way to get anywhere is by car, you stay home for weeks on end. If you are lucky you are one of those people who lives somewhere with places in walking distance or a public transit system so you can still have some semblance of a life outside the house.

No, OP is not being unreasonable, she would be unreasonable to risk her baby's health and to risk herself and others on the road.

She would be being unreasonable to do it.

There is absolutely NO REASON the SIL can't get a taxi, like every other normal person.

No, I wouldn’t go to collect her. I don’t think it’s safe.
Is there a reason she can’t get a taxi? Presumably Everyone was aware of this situation, what plans did MIL etc make?

There is absolutely NO REASON the SIL can't get a taxi, like every other normal person.

I would imagine since she is in having UV antibiotics for a UTI that she is quite unwell.

I agree, you are not able to do this OP.

Either her BROTHER can collect her or she can get this thing called a TAXI.

STOP being the go-to lift-giver. Presumably the car is available for your DP/HER BROTHER to collect her? If he can't be arsed why should you put yourself and the car-hating baby through an unnecessary journey.🤷‍♀️

FFS, she is being picked up when she is WELL. She is well enough to go home. So well enough to get a taxi, or a bus or train even.

And I haven't had a UTI (though my dad died from Sepsis due to a UTI) but I had Sepsis, Bacteraemia and Osteomylitis due to Staph in my bloodstream (it entered via a break in my Sternum bone) and had IV antibiotics for FIVE WEEKS IN HOSPITAL.

So, yes, I know how dangerous it is. I was told two days (before I finally went to the hospital) it would have been all over. The point is, if the SIL is being released, she is well enough to be released. Therefore, well enough to catch a taxi.

Tell her you can't give her a lift. Your baby is not being unreasonable to scream in the car and you are not being unreasonable to refuse a lift as a result. It won't be like this forever.

But if she can sit in the back of the car with a screaming, possibly choking on own vomit, baby..she can presumably sit peacefully in the back of a cab.

She is being collected from hospital, @madness. Not entering hospital. She wouldn't being released if she was unwell.

Exactly. You wouldn't suggest your relative catch a bus. Because the suggestion is 😂😂🙄

If the screaming is this bad you could be at risk yourself of losing concentration and having an accident. SIL can get a taxi or a lift from someone else.

She is being collected from hospital, @madness. Not entering hospital. She wouldn't being released if she was unwell.

That's an optimistic view of the nhs.

She is being collected from hospital, @madness. Not entering hospital. She wouldn't being released if she was unwell.

Plenty of people leave hospital when they are still unwell though. Not unwell enough to need to be admitted but certainly not fully fit either.

If SIL is that bad, MIL would have cut her journey short. It is not OP's responsibility to make her baby sick and to be a hazard on the road, for someone that can easily call a taxi. Lets be honest' it will also be so, so, so much more relaxing for SIL. She's just coming out of hospital, what do you guys think a screaming baby like that would do for her? It's hardly good for SIL's health to be stuck in that environment for half an hour. In fact, the fact SIL is being released from hospital and needs to rest is the exact reason it is inappropriate to subject her to a screaming, vomiting and choking baby. SIL doesn't need that stress.