To think making friends with people who earn less than you is a waste of time

[MrsShelby]

Hear me out. We moved to a lovely village a few years ago and I put a lot of effort in trying to make new friends. People who grew up in the area weren't interested as they had their established friendship circles. I met 2 different women through an activity who I hoped I could become good friends with.
Both lived in smaller houses than ours and earned less which didn't matter to me because I enjoyed their company. After a few meet ups, I was dumped. No idea what I did wrong. And it hurt.

Post baby, I have met 3 different amazing mummy friends (they don't know each other) and they think I am wonderful. We meet up regularly with our children and have a brilliant time. They also have part time professional jobs, live in big houses and have similar values.

This got me thinking because I am the same person who was dumped by the two other women. Plus, I have been dumped several times by friends in the past. The move to our current house cost me 3 friends who went cold when they saw the pictures of the house. I was so desperate to hold on to one of those friendships that I spent a year texting her to organise a meet up but she was never free or wouldn't respond.

AIBU to think that trying to make friends with someone who is several levels below you on the economic ladder is generally a waste of time and can only lead to disappointment/heart break?

Are you sure the reason people are behaving like this is because you live on a housing estate that in their view has ruined their village? Villagers sometimes view developments like those as detrimental to the character of the village and might also consider living on a 'new build estate' as unpleasant

I’d struggle to befriend someone who used the term ‘mummy friends’ so, so naff. I’d also struggle to really accept friendship where someone didn’t understand that two women can’t posts E anything but different.
How do you know they think you are wonderful? People in big houses in rural villages are very well trained in not giving away their true feelings easily. It’s from being brave on the early morning run at Gordonstoun or the hockey field at Marlborough.

Thank you for your kind post. I am very outgoing person which is why I have tried to make new friends and experienced a some sadness along the way.

Sometimes I wish I was more like my husband. He has a small group of friends that he went to school with and isn't interested in making new ones.

Typo sorry....Are you sure the reason people are behaving like this is not because you live on a housing estate that in their view has ruined their village? Villagers sometimes view developments like those as detrimental to the character of the village and might also consider living on a 'new build estate' as unpleasant

Sorry autocorrect. It should be two women can’t possibly be anything but different.

That is just nasty. Says more about you than anything else.

Although the title of your post makes you come across as a bit of an arse (earn less than you) it does sound like you just aren't very good at judging people who you think want to be your friends, but really are there for wanting to get something out of you. We all have people who want something for nothing, "mates rates" is a prime example...... just realise that where you live perhaps or the groups that these 'friends' come from may be the issue.

I sense you're a complete snob and probably bore most people with the "look at me, look at my beautiful stuff" conversations but now have found similar people to you that enjoy the same. It's nothing to do with money, more about class and money doesn't give you that

Cripes, it hadn’t occurred to me you lived on that sort of estate.

@Venetiaparties thats the other end of the spectrum though. Perhaps you perceive that nothing had changed but in their minds it had. At least they admitted they were intimidated rather than just drop out without warning, and yes it is their problem ultimately but I don’t think you’re right when you say nothing had changed.

You can type bitchy, this is a site for grown ups but your comment is immature and shows a lack of understanding of the way wealth or perceived wealth affects relationships

The op may not have expresses herself in the best way but it's undeniable that in the main people stay in their "flock"

Posters on here seem to think that a generality doesn't hold because it doesn't apply to them.

😂😂😂

I think it entirely depends on the person and their own issues. I grew up destitute and in a chaotic and neglected home. You can’t tell this now as I’ve “done alright”. So I have lost contact with old friends who have chips on their shoulders or jealousy issues or who have problems with me “changing”. But old friends who just like me for who I am, I still see those.

New friends who have had comfortable lives, when I explain about my old life they don’t really get it, understandably. That’s fine, I don’t begrudge them that. But some people do. And they are the ones who can’t be friends with you sadly. It’s not a friendship.

YANBU

although many on here are struggling financially so you’ll get flamed

It is pointless making an effort to befriend people in such different financial circumstances to yourself, as you’re always going to struggle with days out, gets awkward around birthdays and Christmas.

Thankfully it’s an issue that seems to be self policing, as most people find friends where they live, and where they live is usually dictated by income etc.

I'm sorry you had this experience. I hope you went on to find good and genuine friends.

Is this a joke?

It's pretty easy to tell 😂

Oh. Oh dear, if ever I felt the Shame of being a shop worker on minimum wage.

I don't recognise this at all. OK, I'm sure that one or two people might feel such envy that they can't be friends but I find it highly unlikely that nearly all your friends would be like this! I'm in a friendship group. One of the women owns a huge detached house and she and her DH earn avout £350,000 between them. Other people in the group live in modest flats and earn around £20,000. We're all equals, we all host each other in our homes. There are no issues, no one feels better than anyone else.
I know lovely people who are rich and poor and they're all the same to me. I never really think about their financial situation or their houses.
Do you think perhaps you might be a bit smug about your house and money and this pi55es people off?

I wouldn't know what my friends finances are like and it wouldn't bother me. I had a friend years ago that dumped me for another girl who dressed better and was always with make up etc. when me and my DP got together we moved into our new home one of the biggest on the estate (where this woman lived) she saw us move in and said ooh we must have coffee! She obviously thought I was on her level now. I did not see her for coffee!

This is ridiculous and smug and all kinds of wrong!

My DM used to live and work with lots of rich people but when she became poor they still saw her as a friend and helped out when they could because they were like friends you know?’! And not snobs with a stick up their arses!

I’m fairly rich and am friends with plebs, I mean we sometimes joke about it when out whilst I throw them diamond crumbs…

Agree...too early right?? 🥱

I have never thought that I am better than anyone because I earn more or have a bigger house. Nothing in my post suggests that. If anything, I have taken their ending the friendships badly because I enjoyed their company and spending time with them.

Good post with relevant points.

Immature? Really? Read my other comments on this thread, I have a great perception of wealth and the way it is perceived thankyou very much, quite how you can make that judgement based on less than two lines of writing is incomprehensible.

My opinion that it is bitchy, is just that, an opinion, and if you don’t agree, move on. My apologies for putting in a star, I’ve removed it for this comment.

let agree to disagree