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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Skidding Car - friend's husband today "couldn't resist the opportunity"

544 replies

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 05/11/2022 19:35

How long have you known these people, know he's into cars and yet not known that people do sometimes have a bit of a play on a skiddy wet empty carpark or in the snow?

You may have been taken by surprise, but you knew the car was under control and you knew he was driving reasonably sensibly all the way home, but you write as if you were terrified and had NO clue what he was doing, and that he might suddenly lose control of the car on the drive home!

Why not say 'er, a bit more warning beforehand would have been nice!'... and then move on, let it go.

No need for the huge drama!

Macaroni1924 · 05/11/2022 19:36

Ginglymostomatidae · 05/11/2022 19:07

Did you die though?

🤣🤣

BemusedBrenda · 05/11/2022 19:36

I think people are being really mean, OP. I would also have absolutely hated it and I'm not surprised it scared you, as a passenger it would have felt like the car was out of control even if he did really have a good handle on it. Frankly a totally stupid, juvenile and reckless thing for anyone to do.

blubberyboo · 05/11/2022 19:37

Why are you querying if you need to tell his wife?
so that she can divorce him?
have him arrested?
confiscate his car keys?
put him in a time out?

wise up

Blossomtoes · 05/11/2022 19:38

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:25

Moderators, pls change the title if you can.

Not a troll thread, but it's clear the title is causing an unintended stir.

Oh do stop with the faux innocence. It wasn’t unintentional at all.

BankyWollocks · 05/11/2022 19:41

He should have said what he was going to do to give you the opportunity to get out
id probably make a joke of saying no doughnuts without a warning every time I got in a car with him from now on

SnooozyTree · 05/11/2022 19:41

I wouldn't like it - and especially without warning - but the driver wasn't out of control. The wheel is supposed to go in opposite direction to the movement of the car. To drift/do donuts takes quite a bit of skill. It looks and sounds very dramatic, but it's not actually dangerous. And in an empty car park even if the driver loses the drift, nothing bad will happen - he'd just stop going in a circle and prob be a bit embarrassed.

I would say something to the driver next time you see him because if my car-mad friends are anything to go by he'll have no idea you were scared! 'Hey, you really caught me by surprise with that donut in the car park. It's not my thing, and I really didn't enjoy it! Next time, maybe warn your passenger beforehand - or you might end up with a seat full of vom!'

Byfleet · 05/11/2022 19:42

@alwaysmovingforwards
I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars

Er, what? Why on earth wouldn’t somebody in their 70s know about cars?? Are you an Edwardian OP?

Itisbetter · 05/11/2022 19:42

I’d have LOVED that! To be fair a bit of warning would be better but I like cars.

ladydimitrescu · 05/11/2022 19:42

Just don't get a lift with him again - done

PonyPatter44 · 05/11/2022 19:43

You do sound like a bit of a drama queen, I'm afraid. Even if you didn't like it, surely you'd just say, "Dave, that was bloody scary, don't do it again please!" , not still be shaking 40 minutes later.

fatgirlslimmer · 05/11/2022 19:43

Ginglymostomatidae · 05/11/2022 19:07

Did you die though?

Is that you Lauren? 😅

@alwaysmovingforwards For the record I’m in my 60’s and have never been in a car that done a donut or a hand break spin or whatever. I think I might have got a fright if he did that without warning and would probably have said very loud what the fuck are you doing he should have done it before you got in. I think I would have recovered quickly though.

DarkKarmaIlama · 05/11/2022 19:43

I am with you OP. What an absolute fool. He should have let you know if he wanted to play around in his little car, it clearly scared you. Sounds like he’s got no decency!

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/11/2022 19:45

You should definitely stop saying 'out of control car' though OP...

A donut is a VERY controlled skid... if the car was out of control, it wouldn't have been a donut, more a wobblywibbly line, ending in whatever solid object stopped the car.

Which is not what happened at all - so actually you were frightened in a very tightly controlled car.

But do tell his wife, and then tell us what she said.

moredogsthansense · 05/11/2022 19:45

My husband would absolutely do this on his own in an empty car park, and every so often pays to drive cars stupidly fast on tracks, because he finds it fun. If this man is similar, I think it very likely that he would genuinely have no idea that you might find it frightening or think the car is out of control. This is what petrolheads do, and after 30 years of marriage I’d roll my eyes and tell him not to be an idiot. When we first met, and I had no idea that people found this sort of thing fun, I too was horrified, I remember it well.

I think this is a simple mismatch between two sets of expectations. He didn’t realise how shocked you’d be: he was childish, not completely reckless, because what he did isn’t actually that dangerous, and he was thoughtless, not a homicidal maniac. I certainly don’t think he did it to scare you. I think he did it in spite of you being there, not because you were there.

Icannever · 05/11/2022 19:45

You can’t be serious! 😳

sageandrosemary · 05/11/2022 19:45

YABU and sound v dramatic.

LaCerbiatta · 05/11/2022 19:47

Your friend was totally out of order, not a normal thing to do and would have left me shaking 40mins later as well.

The responses here are yet another example of how mumsnet has become a bullies fest, ready to make fun and put down anyone with any perceived weakness....

IntrovertedPenguin · 05/11/2022 19:49

Your overreacting, just because he skidded around now makes him a bad guy? For real?

YABU massively.

pewtypie · 05/11/2022 19:50

Just don’t get in a car with him again.

I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there.

They have a very nice lifestyle with stable garages full of cars but they didn’t want to pay £5 for airport pick up and instead had you take a bus to a deserted car park? Bizarre.

Sparklfairy · 05/11/2022 19:50

He was drifting in an empty car park. It's not a big deal.

SunshineLoving · 05/11/2022 19:50

You're being very strange. He was silly and immature for about 2 minutes. Everyone's fine. Just don't get in the car with him driving again.

NannyGythaOgg · 05/11/2022 19:50

When I was a rep and having to drive in all weathers I used to do something similar each winter. As soon as we had the first snow or icy roads I would go to an empty car park a throw the car round a bit. It really helped get a feel for poor conditions and enhanced my car handling skills where it mattered.

An empty car park in the snow is great fun. With a car like his I guess you don't need the snow.

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/11/2022 19:50

It's not the disliking the experience of doing donuts as a passenger that is what people are reacting to..

Its the inability to communicate with someone who is supposedly a long standing friend.

And the over egged drama, trying to paint this guy as potentially a creep, and then as if he's put her at serious risk.

Thats what people are kicking off about!

I would have said 'oi, don't do that again if you don't want your car full of vomit' because I am often nauseous and not far off a spew. But I don't have friends I can't say that to, if they're sufficiently a friend that I'll get in a car with them, then I can also speak to them like a normal bloody person!

Sitting trembling for 40 minutes unable to say 'oi, I didn't enjoy that nobhead, don't do it again' is just silly!

NannyGythaOgg · 05/11/2022 19:51

When I was a rep and having to drive in all weathers I used to do something similar each winter. As soon as we had the first snow or icy roads I would go to an empty car park a throw the car round a bit. It really helped get a feel for poor conditions and enhanced my car handling skills where it mattered.

An empty car park in the snow is great fun. With a car like his I guess you don't need the snow.