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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Skidding Car - friend's husband today "couldn't resist the opportunity"

544 replies

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

OP posts:
Withmayo · 07/11/2022 15:56

‘Empty car park’ doesn’t make it safe or legal. No better then teenage joy riders IMO.

MaxTalk · 07/11/2022 16:29

DoraSpenlow · 07/11/2022 15:15

My DH and my brother are both likely to do this in an empty car park in icy conditions. They say it is practice for if it happens on the road in bad conditions they will have had some experience of how to deal with it.

Not sure they would do it with a relative stranger in tge car though.

Exactly. People who drive but have no experience of controlling a car when it is sliding shouldn't be on the road IMO.

FrogsAreMean · 07/11/2022 17:06

There are a load of women on here who just want to sound "cool and down with the kids" - of course it was fucking irresponsible and childish of him!
And I have no idea why people are saying the thread title is misleading! Again, just a load of women acting like sheep!
If someone was picking me up, and empty fucking car park or not, I would not expect to be "doing donuts" with an irresponsible manchild.

DarkKarmaIlama · 07/11/2022 17:25

@FrogsAreMean

Yes, you can kind of see how a thread will go judging from the first few responses. Mumsnet really is full of sheep.

NumberTheory · 07/11/2022 17:35

Withmayo · 07/11/2022 15:56

‘Empty car park’ doesn’t make it safe or legal. No better then teenage joy riders IMO.

Depending on how big the empty space is and, of course, how he was actually driving, it certainly can make be at least as safe as normal driving on a road.

It isn’t about being cool it’s about lots of women still liking physical thrills (like rollercoasters or fast cars) even though they aren’t teenagers any more.

DarkKarmaIlama · 07/11/2022 17:36

@NumberTheory

You get to decide if you want to go on a rollercoaster.

Lunar270 · 07/11/2022 17:46

Great to see so many petrol heads on MN 👍 we should definitely have a car section!

Sorry the experience wasn't for you though OP. There's so much joy to going sideways but guess it's not for everyone.

WatchoRulo · 07/11/2022 17:51

Sorry, I've just never been skidding in an out of control car before.
It wasn't out of control though.

I do wonder why the twat couldn't have done it before you got in though.

coupebaby · 07/11/2022 17:53

FrogsAreMean · 07/11/2022 17:06

There are a load of women on here who just want to sound "cool and down with the kids" - of course it was fucking irresponsible and childish of him!
And I have no idea why people are saying the thread title is misleading! Again, just a load of women acting like sheep!
If someone was picking me up, and empty fucking car park or not, I would not expect to be "doing donuts" with an irresponsible manchild.

The thread title has since been changed the skidding car part was added, the whole start of it suggested he made a pass at her. Nobody is trying to “sound cool and down with the kids” just because some don’t understand other peoples interests and choose to have less thrilling or interesting hobbies doesn’t mean others are acting like anything. I’ve had an interest in cars my whole life, I stock car raced as a teenager, I’ve an interest in RWD cars, just because I’m a mother to adults/teens myself now doesn’t mean my interests need to stop and I’m sure many others commenting on here also love the thrill of cars and diffin/drifting!!

NumberTheory · 07/11/2022 18:01

DarkKarmaIlama · 07/11/2022 17:36

@NumberTheory

You get to decide if you want to go on a rollercoaster.

The choice isn’t what makes it dangerous or not and isn’t what makes liking thrills cool or not - which is what that example was in relation to.

It’s not great that OP didn’t get to say no. But since she says he’s a good friend and normally nice, the most reasonable explanation of that is that he just didn’t realise she wouldn’t also enjoy it. Because, as lots of women on here demonstrate, it’s not at all uncommon for people to find it fun. It doesn’t make him an awful person, just someone who made an incorrect assumption. An assumption that OP didn’t bother to correct at the time - which would have been an appropriate and reasonable thing to do.

DarkKarmaIlama · 07/11/2022 18:03

@NumberTheory

Sounds like she was shocked. I stand by my original opinion. Sad bastard.

DarthTater3 · 07/11/2022 18:37

Can’t believe the name on this thread got changed. Poor OP. The original name didn’t imply anything to me, but even if it had it would just mean she’d done a good job of getting people’s attention and so has posted a successful thread. Do some people come on MN for the sole purpose of tearing other people down? Just no need.

BoiledorMashed · 07/11/2022 18:58

I think you may need to start popping a red pill occasionally. The way it started out I thought you were heading through the safety barrier at the top of a multi storey. If I'd done a good deed of that magnitude only to be snitched on I'd be absolutely raging. Start living life on the edge, next time you go through a morrrisons self check out use a Tesco bag for life.

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 19:52

YANBU

Men going too fast, doing donuts, driving like wankers etc., is a very common control tactic of abusers.

It's fucking horrible. This man chose to drive like a wanker without the consent of his passenger.

He has no idea if that could have triggered horrible memories for her. He has no idea how she felt about it. He had no right to do it, that's the end of it.

Can't believe the number of cool girls trying to pretend the OP is overreacting.

In the great scheme of things, it's no big deal. But I would never feel the same about a man who did this. It's horrible, controlling behaviour, albeit at a low level.

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 19:54

MaxTalk · 07/11/2022 10:00

No he didn't, you are completely wrong. It was the last opportunity to slide it about before hitting the main road where he needed to drive sensibly (which he did) so had a bit of a play.

"Showing off" and "unnerving" her didn't ever his mind. He has a great car and wants to enjoy it whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Without getting the consent of his passenger?

onlythreenow · 07/11/2022 19:56

In the great scheme of things, it's no big deal. But I would never feel the same about a man who did this. It's horrible, controlling behaviour, albeit at a low level.

Oh do get a grip!

chaosmaker · 07/11/2022 20:32

It isn’t about being cool it’s about lots of women still liking physical thrills (like rollercoasters or fast cars) even though they aren’t teenagers any more.

That has nothing to do with the OP though, does it.

MaxTalk · 07/11/2022 20:44

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 19:54

Without getting the consent of his passenger?

What do you mean by consent? How would that play out in reality? A signed declaration or a drawing with full pictorial explanation of what was about to happen? I think it's a bit unrealistic TBH.

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 21:04

onlythreenow · 07/11/2022 19:56

In the great scheme of things, it's no big deal. But I would never feel the same about a man who did this. It's horrible, controlling behaviour, albeit at a low level.

Oh do get a grip!

No, you get a grip. Stop making excuses for men's bad behaviour, it's pathetic.

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 21:09

Really? Is asking someone's consent that difficult for you?

What is so complicated about saying "I want to do this thing which is a dangerous maneouvre of accelerating while turning, d'you mind if I do it with you in the car?"

Seriously, how difficult is this?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 07/11/2022 22:11

If my DH came home after giving a friend a lift home and told me that he'd decided to do some show off car shite in front of her I'd think he'd lost his marbles. I'd ask if she was OK with him doing it and if he said 'Er, not really sure, I suppose she was a bit quiet afterwards' I'd be fucking livid. I think I live on a different planet to most people on here (Thank God).

MaxTalk · 07/11/2022 23:12

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 21:09

Really? Is asking someone's consent that difficult for you?

What is so complicated about saying "I want to do this thing which is a dangerous maneouvre of accelerating while turning, d'you mind if I do it with you in the car?"

Seriously, how difficult is this?

Define "dangerous" because if execute well then it really isn't at all. You using the language you did says it all about your mindset...

And you think the OP would have understood it at all? It was probably a short drift for barely a couple of seconds - not worth getting too stressed about. We have all done it and it's no big deal - just get on with your life afterwards.

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 23:13

Sorry but your attitude is pure entitlement. No driver with a passenger has the right to behave like this.

It's just vile.

MaxTalk · 07/11/2022 23:31

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 23:13

Sorry but your attitude is pure entitlement. No driver with a passenger has the right to behave like this.

It's just vile.

Behave like what? Neither of us were there so I have no idea how he behaved and neither do you. What is a 720 degree doughnut, a drift between a couple of concrete bollards or (most likely) some relatively slow speed oversteer at a couple of degrees for a minimal time whilst he chatted to his "friend".

Your attitude is pure hysteria.

ScreamingBeans · 07/11/2022 23:35

And your's is pure entitlement. The OP has stated clearly that she was upset by it. But obviously, you know better.

Of course you do. You carry on.