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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Skidding Car - friend's husband today "couldn't resist the opportunity"

544 replies

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

OP posts:
Charlene1marie · 07/11/2022 11:00

Yrbu - he clearly has a love for fast cars and all that comes with that - just because someone gets older doesn't mean the child in them leaves, they still love the thrill of the acceleration etc.

Maybe let him know that you don't like kind of thing for future reference but at the end of the day as you have said he is a nice guy that you get along well with, he obviously didn't think it was an issue so clearly he doesn't know you have a fear of things like that.

Casperroonie · 07/11/2022 11:01

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 oh pls. Get a grip.

coupebaby · 07/11/2022 11:06

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:21

The title says "couldn't resist the opportunity" because he said it twice. It really resonated with me because never in my life have I seen an empty car park as an "opportunity" to do something like that!

Sorry, I've just never been skidding in an out of control car before.
But obviously more acceptable than I thought <shrug>

If a moderator wants to change it to "car skidding" or something then fine if people are making their own leaps.

Title was obviously unintentionally misleading but surely you understand why people come to that conclusion, majority of us thought the same thing!
Also he was in full control of the car so you weren’t “skidding in an out of control car”…..sorry but you’re still sounding extremely dramatic!!
The cars obviously RWD, that’s why the steering wheel was going in the opposite direction to the way the car was going, he’d probably put a full lock on, drifted the car round and let the steering wheel go to come back round again. I know it’s hard to understand when you’re not used to it and I’m sure it was a bit of a startling moment and you freaked but to dramatise the whole situation, saying you can’t look at him the same way again, title it the way you did and to even going to the bother of writing a whole post about this is seriously OTT in fairness. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Are you generally known as a complainer by people who know you? Because this is all very silly, you’re talking about him been immature and yet you think this situation warrants running complaining to his wife, I’m sure she knows he does this and would just laugh it off as it’s really not a big deal 🫣

MaxTalk · 07/11/2022 11:11

illtellyouwhatiwantwhatireallyreallywant · 07/11/2022 10:52

*No he didn't, you are completely wrong. It was the last opportunity to slide it about before hitting the main road where he needed to drive sensibly (which he did) so had a bit of a play.

"Showing off" and "unnerving" her didn't ever his mind. He has a great car and wants to enjoy it whenever the opportunity presents itself.*

I love it when a mind reader enters the chat.

Hence my post...but you knew that, right? ;)

CecilyP · 07/11/2022 11:18

MaxTalk · 07/11/2022 10:00

No he didn't, you are completely wrong. It was the last opportunity to slide it about before hitting the main road where he needed to drive sensibly (which he did) so had a bit of a play.

"Showing off" and "unnerving" her didn't ever his mind. He has a great car and wants to enjoy it whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Are you he? You seem to know a lot about his mindset. According to OP he drove straight to the shelter where she was waiting. He could have done the stunt in the empty car park first then driven over to OP. Though that might have put her off from the start.

coupebaby · 07/11/2022 11:18

Ginglymostomatidae · 07/11/2022 09:21

Don't be a twat. How on earth some people make the leap from donut performing to rapist is beyond me.

Well I must be one too according to Stravaig! I done it with my mate in the car, she absolutely shit herself and still talks about that time I pulled into an empty yard and “flung the car round all over the place” 😂
And I thought OP was ridiculously good at dramatising things!! Bless the poor souls who unfortunately who have no choice but to put up with these over reacting, dry bores, daily 😏

Flossatops · 07/11/2022 11:20

If this is a genuine thread, you need to let it go and put it down to experience!

FirewomanSam · 07/11/2022 11:35

dimenwgeni · 07/11/2022 08:51

Do you not watch Top Gear? It's what they do all the time. If he drove safely on the road what's your problem? His wife probably know what he's like and has no problem with it.
Maybe you should fork out for the fare home next time.

This is the second time in recent days that I’ve encountered this weird assumption that everyone watches Top Gear! Why should she? It’s not mandatory. I’ve never seen an episode of Top Gear in my life.

CecilyP · 07/11/2022 11:38

And I thought OP was ridiculously good at dramatising things!! Bless the poor souls who unfortunately who have no choice but to put up with these over reacting, dry bores, daily 😏

Surely no one has to put up with it daily. If you’re into it you can do it on a daily basis in places where it’s done with other people who are into that kind of thing. Though if you’re a middle aged man it might be a bit embarrassing if all the others are half your age.

imaditto · 07/11/2022 11:43

In an almost empty car park I think you're over reacting

I probably would've done the same tbh but you're obviously not a petrol head

Chill woman!!!

MarvellousMrsMouse01 · 07/11/2022 12:00

Ginglymostomatidae · 05/11/2022 19:07

Did you die though?

😁

I'm sorry this shook you OP and you are allowed to not have enjoyed it and been miffed. But YABU for suggesting that he's a bad person and telling his wife. You are clearly quite sensitive and that's fine, but it's not his fault this affected you so deeply. I'm sure that was not his intention.

Conkersareback · 07/11/2022 12:58

BatCheeseIsFine · 07/11/2022 08:05

And I sometimes think some men are like this because they can no longer get away with groping and harassment (i know that’s still common too, but more men know it won’t end well for them). Other power trips like this give them an ego boost and sense of control over women instead. He was also doing OP a favour, making it harder for her to object. There are a lot of parallels.

and I know I’ll now get even more / worse abuse for seeing that, but as pp said, spotting these situations and these men can serve you well.

Twaddle!

OP sexualised the title, the bloke didn't.

ahunf · 07/11/2022 13:01

Ahh the title has changed!!

AnnieSnap · 07/11/2022 13:09

So much nastiness on this thread. To those throwing comments around like the OP is ‘too sensitive’ or ‘fragile’ in an unpleasant, not supportive way, you don’t know her, or her life. If she is sensitive, so what. The idiot sprung that on her. If she was shaken for 40 minutes afterwards, that was her experience for whatever reason. If you would also spring a ‘donut’ on an unsuspecting passenger, you are childish and stupid. The OP isn’t being unreasonable, you are.

Alwaysonyonsn · 07/11/2022 13:12

You mean trolls you’ve scared OP away 😅 sorry I do find it kind of hilarious he did that and then carried like normal when you would have been sat there with a face like a slapped arse.

I got hit by a car the other week, they drove straight into the drivers side and completely crushed it. Even I wasn’t still shaking in shock that evening.

wibblewobbleboard · 07/11/2022 13:18

Goad to see the title has changed. Thank you @mnhq

lassingd · 07/11/2022 13:21

Caroffee · 07/11/2022 08:15

He thinks he's on Top Gear or Grand Tour.

If he wants to do this sort of thing, he should do it when he's he on his own.

Don't accept a lift from him again.

Perhaps this was designed to ensure he never has to 'offer' a lift again?

Diamondsareforever123 · 07/11/2022 13:22

I'm sorry he gave you a fright. He was being childish and thoughtless. I wouldn't let it spoil your friendship though. Take no notice of some of the petty comments on here. You have every right to explain what happened and why you were scared x

a1poshpaws · 07/11/2022 13:37

I would take issue a little with the posters who say he was being childish and thoughtless. Well, maybe a bit thoughtless, but it would never have occurred to me that the OP would have the fear reaction that she did, either.

It's exactly the sort of thing my late husband - who was very responsible - would have done, and I'd have loved for him that he had the chance to "play" with his car in a safe place. Many men and lots of women too, enjoy their cars for more than getting from A to B (presumably part of what makes the Fast & Furious films so popular!)

It was obviously a very upsetting occurrence for you OP (though I agree you've been overly hysterical about it) so here's a bunch of flowers for you. 💐

And hold your tongue if you don't want to lose a valued friendship.

Withmayo · 07/11/2022 14:14

I am amazed at the number of posts on here defending this idiot guy. He clearly wasn’t driving safely. It is not ok to drive like this in a car park. If he HAD caused an accident (luckily he didn’t), he would have been guilty of dangerous driving. It was also incredibly inconsiderate and thoughtless of him not to appreciate that this was likely to be a frightening experience for his passenger. The posts having a go at OP are disgraceful.

Fireflybaby · 07/11/2022 14:23

If I was that close of a friend with both, I would have confronted there and then if it was an issue. I mean yeah he should have given you a bit more of a heads up but no, just because you're in your 50s with kids abd wife and grown-up business and stuff doesn't mean you have to act like a grown up all the time.

I mean my approach to this would have been " wtf do you think you're doing??"
Or after he stopped
"At least give me the funking heads up mate, I nearly shat myself"

If you do decide to tell your friend, I would do it very jockingly and swear I'll never get into a car with this guy!

😀

coupebaby · 07/11/2022 14:34

CecilyP · 07/11/2022 11:38

And I thought OP was ridiculously good at dramatising things!! Bless the poor souls who unfortunately who have no choice but to put up with these over reacting, dry bores, daily 😏

Surely no one has to put up with it daily. If you’re into it you can do it on a daily basis in places where it’s done with other people who are into that kind of thing. Though if you’re a middle aged man it might be a bit embarrassing if all the others are half your age.

What? 🫡 When I say put up with it daily I’m talking about OP & Stravaig who come across as extremely dramatic people, Stravaig turned the man into a rapist ffs 😳
Days like that aren’t on daily, they’re pretty rare actually as it’s very hard to get locations even more so than it used to be years ago but no it won’t be embarrassing in the slightest for a man his age as there are plenty doing it of all ages male and female worldwide!! ☺️

WhoKnows2346 · 07/11/2022 14:38

If you are of a nervous disposition then I can see why this would be pretty unsettling. The way you were describing the steering wheel sounds to me that you don't drive. If they offer you a lift in future, accept but laugh as you say "but please no doughnuts, I can't cope with that sort of excitement." However, this doesn't warrant you dobbing in the husband to your friend.

NumberTheory · 07/11/2022 15:07

Withmayo · 07/11/2022 14:14

I am amazed at the number of posts on here defending this idiot guy. He clearly wasn’t driving safely. It is not ok to drive like this in a car park. If he HAD caused an accident (luckily he didn’t), he would have been guilty of dangerous driving. It was also incredibly inconsiderate and thoughtless of him not to appreciate that this was likely to be a frightening experience for his passenger. The posts having a go at OP are disgraceful.

Why do you think it’s unsafe?

The point of taking the opportunity in an empty car park is that that’s the place it is safe to do it.

DoraSpenlow · 07/11/2022 15:15

My DH and my brother are both likely to do this in an empty car park in icy conditions. They say it is practice for if it happens on the road in bad conditions they will have had some experience of how to deal with it.

Not sure they would do it with a relative stranger in tge car though.

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