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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Skidding Car - friend's husband today "couldn't resist the opportunity"

544 replies

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

OP posts:
wentworthinmate · 06/11/2022 20:37

I just want to know sort of car he had! YABU

Cuppasoupmonster · 06/11/2022 20:42

wentworthinmate · 06/11/2022 20:37

I just want to know sort of car he had! YABU

With those moves it’s got to be a Honda Civic? Souped up and with a Christmas tree air freshener?

runlittlemonster · 06/11/2022 20:44

It’s called drifting… perfectly safe in a ‘massive, basically empty car park’ and lots of fun. Sorry OP but your post makes you sound like a snob, pretty naive, and a bit of a dry lunch 😅 contrary to what you say ‘respectable, responsible, grown ‘‘arse’’ men’ (and women) are exactly the kind of people who should be doing things like this, because with several years driving experience under their belt they will be able to do the mental risk assessment to do it safely, and can afford the powerful cars - and new tyres - that you need to do it properly!

DarkKarmaIlama · 06/11/2022 20:49

@runlittlemonster

Whatever floats your boat. Unnecessary to do it without letting the other person know though. A respectable, grown up person would have had the decency to do that.

ThreeBoysTheCatTheDogAndMe · 06/11/2022 20:49

Did you clutch your pearls tho?

PineCone74 · 06/11/2022 20:56

runlittlemonster · 06/11/2022 20:44

It’s called drifting… perfectly safe in a ‘massive, basically empty car park’ and lots of fun. Sorry OP but your post makes you sound like a snob, pretty naive, and a bit of a dry lunch 😅 contrary to what you say ‘respectable, responsible, grown ‘‘arse’’ men’ (and women) are exactly the kind of people who should be doing things like this, because with several years driving experience under their belt they will be able to do the mental risk assessment to do it safely, and can afford the powerful cars - and new tyres - that you need to do it properly!

Fine, for you. But not fine to assume a passenger will enjoy it too, without asking.

DarthTater3 · 06/11/2022 21:03

He should have done it without you in the car or asked your permission first. Prat. For all he knows you could be pregnant or have a heart condition etc. I think you should tell your friend about it and also tell him how you feel about it. But you can keep it fairly light hearted while getting your point across

solvendie · 06/11/2022 21:05

I’m a bit bemused by these responses to be honest. Just because the title might imply something else untoward on the friend’s husband’s part it doesn’t mean that the poster is BU.

Honestly, I have never done a ‘donut’ in a car or been in a car whilst someone else has done one. Didn’t even realise that this was an accepted thing in driving. ...........and, no, I’ve not led a sheltered life

YA definitely NBU. He’s a prick and I would have been very unimpressed if someone did this while I was in a car with them. If he really felt the need to do it, why not do it before you stepped into the car??

FirewomanSam · 06/11/2022 21:56

I was in a car crash as a teenager which was pretty bad and left me scared to drive for years and made me quite a nervous passenger too. Not long after the crash when my nerves were still really bad, I got a lift to a party from a friend’s boyfriend who had a reputation for being a bit of a boy racer and a reckless driver. Before getting in the car I told him I was a nervous passenger and would appreciate if he could skip the antics this time, or words to that effect. Unfortunately he seemed to see that as a challenge and he spent the whole drive skidding round corners and taking speed bumps as fast as he could. I got out of the car, threw up in the gutter, burst into tears and stormed off. He then apparently felt horribly guilty and apologised to my boyfriend (not to me of course, the spineless prick) and mumbled something about how he had forgotten I was in a crash and hadn’t realised I was serious about the nervous thing.

I have very little time for people who drive like maniacs for ‘fun’. As a wise woman once said, that don’t impress me much!

Confusedfirsttimemama · 06/11/2022 22:02

YANBU to feel shocked but you’re being dramatic, even the headline is dramatic because it’s so misleading. Sorry

Solonge · 06/11/2022 22:27

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

He did a bit of spinning the car around because its a car park....I assume you were not surrounded by moving cars.... he is clearly a bit of a petrol head....and just enjoyed a bit of fun.....clearly he judged it a safe space and he hasnt done anything like that before with you in the car. Why on earth would you want to make a thing of it with his wife???? he was doing you a favour...he clearly loves cars....his wife will know what he is like when he gets the chance.... sorry...but to me a big fuss about nothing...and your headline was very misleading...made it sound like he made a pass at you.

teaandkittens123 · 06/11/2022 22:58

I would hate this and find it very scary and totally unreasonable to spring on a passenger as a surprise. I’m having problems with my neck at the moment and being jerked around in a spinning car would be awful. I can’t believe there are so many people saying this is ok!

ReallyTryingTo · 06/11/2022 23:11

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees
It's crackers isn't it. I can't believe everyone thinking that behaviour is OK. Ridiculous

Greengagesnfennel · 06/11/2022 23:22

Wow, I'm with you op yanbu. I'm amazed we are in the minority. Genuinely surprised people think this is normal and an ok thing to do.

FirewomanSam · 06/11/2022 23:30

Why oh why do people quote the entire OP when they respond to a thread. Drives me crackers.

SugarNspices · 06/11/2022 23:38

Ok he probably should of warned you. But shaking after 40mins after doing a donut in an empty car park lot. A bit 'pearl clutching' don't you think?

CountessWindyBottom · 06/11/2022 23:47

What an attention grabbing and misleading title for a thread.

You’re seriously overreacting to the doughnut incident by the way.

nonstoprenovation · 06/11/2022 23:51

But we need to know what it was?

Stewball01 · 07/11/2022 00:01

I started by saying you weren't being unreasonable but after reading everybody's comments I have to agree that yes you are being unreasonable, you should change the heading and definitely do not say anything to his wife.

Mamanyt · 07/11/2022 00:06

Showing off, a bit of a midlife crisis, probably, and no harm done! I, also, thought we were going to be reading about a pass. For goodness' sake, get a grip, woman. I can see being shaky for a few minutes, possibly saying, "Let's don't do that again!" But upset HOURS later? You're a bit fragile, aren't you?

LoveShitJokes · 07/11/2022 00:26

LaCerbiatta · 05/11/2022 19:47

Your friend was totally out of order, not a normal thing to do and would have left me shaking 40mins later as well.

The responses here are yet another example of how mumsnet has become a bullies fest, ready to make fun and put down anyone with any perceived weakness....

This. You're getting a really shit time OP and I felt sympathy reading your post. He acted very childishly and strange. I hope you're okay x

Grrrrdarling · 07/11/2022 00:51

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

When you see him next thank him again for the life but also let him know how scared you were when he decided to do a doughnut with you in the car.
He could have done all the doughnuts he wanted while waiting for you to arrive.
In this case he was horsing around, like some males do, but he clearly misread his audience.
Not quite a parallel universe but Petrol heads are everywhere. Have you ever watched Top Gear?
Personally I love drifting, doughnuts, burnouts, fast cars etc but there is a time & a place for them all!

AdmiralButterfly · 07/11/2022 00:57

yanbu. I am really shocked I am in minority here tbh. I would not appreciate anyone being irresponsible like that or assuming I would be fine with it. I would probably say something jokingly to my friend like ‘please thank your dh for me, and no handbrake spins next time please lol’ or whatever the term is. But I would be fuming too

NazMedusa · 07/11/2022 01:36

Sounds like a bit of fun tbh. Yes, you obviously didn't like it but he doesn't know that. Wouldn't bother me at all.

illtellyouwhatiwantwhatireallyreallywant · 07/11/2022 02:52

I love threads like these. You never know what the first responses will be that everyone copies which way it will go. This time we have the donut loving, boys will be boys, you sound fun at parties cool gang. Who apparently all like the odd skid on ice and do it all the time (they don't).

I think it's safe to say you can move on with your life knowing most people don't do this, pretend this thread never happened and never get in your mate's car again.