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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Skidding Car - friend's husband today "couldn't resist the opportunity"

544 replies

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

OP posts:
Stravaig · 07/11/2022 06:26

I think the ambiguous title is perfect. This is exactly the kind of guy who would grab a woman, force himself on her, then saunter off whistling, completely oblivious to the frozen, shocked, terrified, violated person he leaves behind him. After all, he's having a good time, why isn't she?

This is the vehicular equivalent. The shock and upset is less about speed and danger. The problem is the stripping away of agency, of having something done to you without your consent. That is wholly and forever unacceptable.

MamaAgainAt40 · 07/11/2022 06:38

Misleading and attention-seeking title. He's into cars and made the most of a rare opportunity as an adult to have a wee bit of light, harmless fun. You are being unreasonable. Being an adult doesn't mean forgetting how to play and having a bit of fun now and then. Lighten up!

PotentiallyPolly · 07/11/2022 06:54

@Stravaig please tell me you’re not comparing someone being a Pratt in a car to sexual assault…? How fucking dare you minimise like that.

Conkersareback · 07/11/2022 06:59

Stravaig · 07/11/2022 06:26

I think the ambiguous title is perfect. This is exactly the kind of guy who would grab a woman, force himself on her, then saunter off whistling, completely oblivious to the frozen, shocked, terrified, violated person he leaves behind him. After all, he's having a good time, why isn't she?

This is the vehicular equivalent. The shock and upset is less about speed and danger. The problem is the stripping away of agency, of having something done to you without your consent. That is wholly and forever unacceptable.

Don't be ridiculous

BuntyMcHooves · 07/11/2022 07:00

YABU, he did a donut in an empty car park.
also for the misleading (baiting/manipulative?) thread title.
I do think you should talk to your friend though as she knows you and him and can give you the answer you either want or need, depending on your friendship.

doingitforyorkshire · 07/11/2022 07:02

This

Stravaig · 07/11/2022 07:08

PotentiallyPolly · 07/11/2022 06:54

@Stravaig please tell me you’re not comparing someone being a Pratt in a car to sexual assault…? How fucking dare you minimise like that.

Or perhaps I'm describing how someone who has been sexually assaulted might view having stunt driving, or anything else, forced on them. Back the fuck off.

Doingmybest12 · 07/11/2022 07:09

Can't believe this is still going on. It shows some people love this kind of thing, others find it really scary. Clearly demonstrates it is best to check with the audience before embarking on this kind of manoeuvre.

piesforever · 07/11/2022 07:11

That's the issue? Thought he was going to be a sex pest.

ahunf · 07/11/2022 07:11

Just send him the £200 / £300 it would have cost you to get home and don't ask him for anymore favours.

Robstersgirl · 07/11/2022 07:13

This thread is about a doughnut, the doughnut is you.

winteryblues · 07/11/2022 07:17

I've only heard of 'doing donuts' before because I am an ex police dispatcher/call handler and people used to call up and complain that 'Such and such is doing donuts in the middle of the road and I'm trying to sleep/get kids to sleep/watch TV and It's driving me nuts' Grin hadn't ever heard of it before then.

YANBU to not have liked it and be a bit shaken up, OP. He should have warned you first or asked you if you were okay with it or even said 'I'm going to do this but I promise I know what I am doing' etc etc.

I'm not sure regarding the long OP. I understand what people are saying but, I mean people pointing out all the 'unnecessary' details but, if OPs don't do that, you'd likely get a whole thread full of;

'Why were you in the car with just your friend's husband?'

'Why did he pick you up, couldn't you have got a taxi/train/bus?'

'How old is he'

'Was the car park empty?'

'How long have you known him?'

'Is he really into his cars?'

Etc etc.

I agree the title is misleading though. I did expect it to be 'And then he put his hand on my leg/tried to kiss me/told me he'd always fancied me'....

gancypants · 07/11/2022 07:20

YANBU. I'd have been petrified too! I would've definitely said something to him about it at the time though. How dare he!

winteryblues · 07/11/2022 07:21

Stravaig

I think the ambiguous title is perfect. This is exactly the kind of guy who would grab a woman, force himself on her, then saunter off whistling, completely oblivious to the frozen, shocked, terrified, violated person he leaves behind him. After all, he's having a good time, why isn't she?

I hear you in a way on this-men not respecting women/feel they're worthy of respect/think they're entitled to do as they please at the displeasure of any woman.

However I do think it is a leap to say men who'd not care if they upset someone with their playful antics in a car would also be a sex pest. From the OP I don't think her friend's husband has done anything or would do anything like that.

1HappyTraveller · 07/11/2022 07:33

Attention seeking much? Eurgh 😒

hugefanofcheese · 07/11/2022 07:34

He should have checked with you first, but your OP (the whole thing, not the title) is way over the top. Doing a doughnut in an empty car park is not particularly dangerous. It's a bit of fun.

Mybonnielassie · 07/11/2022 07:35

Would you really put your friendship at risk over something so petty? YABU, move on and forget it!

Crazykatie · 07/11/2022 07:37

Some women would enjoy that, me for a start because I’m a petrol head too!.
Most I’m sure would not and he is a dickhead for thinking that a passenger would find it acceptable.

Stravaig · 07/11/2022 07:38

@winteryblues I'm not suggesting this guy is sex pest. I'm saying it's the same basic pattern: remove your agency, force their wishes, no consent. It's helpful to notice it wherever and however and whenever it shows up. It's never okay, in any context.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/11/2022 07:38

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

Clearly there is.

I'd have hated this, felt angry at this decision being made for me, and felt ill for ages too.

OOvavuuu · 07/11/2022 07:41

It would have definitely been a bit of a shock but I would have found it quite amusing afterwards. I used to enjoy skidding my car about car parks doing hand break turns and doughnuts when I was younger. I haven't done one for over 25 years though!

somethingdifferent789 · 07/11/2022 07:48

I think your making a big deal out of nothing. He's obviously done this sort of thing in his youth and saw an opportunity...not really appropriate when your in the car but he probably thought you would find it funny.
I don't think you should make a drama and tell your friend...even if they apologise they will secretly judging you and thinking your over reacting.
Don't accept a lift in future.

neurosensitive · 07/11/2022 07:54

I am autistic and this would have really scared me. I think I might have refused to continue in his car and would have got the train home.

Justnosing · 07/11/2022 07:58

Man has a quick play around in an empty car park and now he’s not a nice person, you’re “ill” and distraught enough to tell your dad, mumsnet, and potentially your friend.

do get a grip, silly.

BatCheeseIsFine · 07/11/2022 08:00

@winteryblues I'm not suggesting this guy is sex pest. I'm saying it's the same basic pattern: remove your agency, force their wishes, no consent. It's helpful to notice it wherever and however and whenever it shows up. It's never okay, in any context.

I totally agree with this. It’s a pattern of exercising power and enjoying that he could do this to OP without her consent, probably enjoying that she was scared, or at least not caring. And there is a certain type of man that likes this, the type that likes to remind women he’s in charge.

there is no other explanation as he could easily have checked with her or just done it before she was in the car.

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