Sick to death of hearing about people's cancer

[MiserableCow2022]

I've name changed for this one because I'm pretty sure I'm going to get massive abuse for it but I'm a regular poster.
What the title says, I am sick to death of everybody and their brothers cancer or other appalling disease being postered up in every magazine and newspaper all of the time with week by week progress of their dying. This morning headline news was another "celeb" and her cancer.
I feel sorry for her, I'm not a monster but that's for her and her family to deal with it isn't headline news.
I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook.
Isn't life just shit enough for everyone now without reading about people's terminal illnesses every single day - it's enough to make you want to just end it all.
I don't find people like bowelbabe inspiring, she is gone and her children are motherless and we all had to watch her dying and shrinking bit by bit, nor do I find Sarah Beany's bald head refreshing or inspiring.
I just wish they could just keep it it to themselves and their families.
Everytime I look at the papers I think it's going to be me next.
When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.
People will be informed of my terminal decline only after I've gone. I have no intention of rubbing their noses in it everyday.
I want to die with dignity away from the public gaze and not drag anyone else down with me.
I think part of the reason people do the public thing is because they are terrified of dying and can't accept it and going public distracts them.
AIBU?

So we don't talk about it? I live with cancer and a rare gene mutation. That's my life. People in the public talking about their situation doesn't bother me. I can't talk for anyone else.

‘I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or Facebook’.

You just did OP.

No judgment here OP I know exactly where you're coming from.
I've lost my mum and brother to cancer. My brothers illness was quite obvious and he dealt with it by just being him. Carrying on caring about others and doing his job. He worked until a week before he died I believe. I say that because in the last year before he died he didn't want us, his sisters, to know he was dying. I found out from my nephew one week before he died. He was so quietly brave.
I get pissed off too OP with the 'tell all' brigade.
I admire Vic Wood, Terry and David Bowie for dealing with their illnesses privately. Always thought they were great people when they were here and it turns out, they really were.

No, that’s not fair. She’s making the point that she isn’t saying what she’s saying from a place of zero suffering. It’s relevant to her point.

If appropriate then yes, if it comes up or somebody asks. It isn’t NEVER mention it, but equally it depresses the public to have a never ending stream of awful stories imposed upon them.

People deal with things differently, some people keep their illnesses quiet and suffer in silence and some people share it with the world. Neither way is right or wrong or better than the other. If it helps someone in their darkest moments to share their story then... let them?
I get that it's worrying and it's sad, but some of these people are absolute warriors and heroes and have saved multiple lives and raised invaluable research money via their high profile campaigns for cancers and MND. I know if it wasn't for Jade Goody and her campaigns I wouldn't have gone for my smear test when I did.
YABU for being selfish and thinking how their illness makes you feel.

I agree with you. We lost MIL to a very nasty cancer in our home with not enough help. Every time a cancer advert comes on, or yes hearing television employees raising “awareness”, I feel really angry, with a pit of dread in my stomach. I don’t need to be reminded that me and most of the people I know will likely get it and that there’s a magical group of people ready to help.

Mil was one to broadcast her cancer to everyone she met, that was her personality, and it made us very uncomfortable. She didn’t understand “trauma dumping” or “triggering”.

All the talk is geared towards bravery and support. That was not my family’s experience. It was horrific.

Social Media has created a Global appetite for over-sharing. What was brave and inspiring 20 year ago - someone with a terminal condition writing a weekly column in a broadsheet - has evolved into a sort of obsession with 'owning your story' and an obligation to share share and share some more.

It's not just cancer - it's all illness.
It's mental health
It's personal tragedy
It's personal stories of abuse

A regular outpouring of things that historically would have been privately discussed between you and a close family member or - at a stretch - a therapist are now public fodder.

It's a bit like Misery Porn/Lit. When the first couple of books were published (I think that 'Child Called It' was one of the early ones) it was considered groundbreaking and seen as something that might help others. Now similar, poorly written books, are being published simply to feed the appetite of people who enjoy reading about misery.

So in many ways, I don't blame the people who are sharing their sad stories, it's become a societal expectation - as though we've all become desensitised and expect mawkish 'no-filter' reports on everything.

That’s a bit unfair. It’s implying they’re better people because they chose to deal with their suffering privately.

With your special sensitivity, perhaps you shouldn't focus so much attention on "celebrities" and people you've never met?

I do get it op to a certain extent.

when dh died from colon cancer last year all that kept popping up was peoples struggles with the same cancer even if they did survive I still found it hard to read and I really just didn’t want to know. I still don’t.

ny mum is pretty I’ll with cancer now and all I can see is more bloody stories popping up.

and they make me worry as well for my own health.

makes me sound silly I know

@mumboss1984

You are right - you should take yourself off of this thread and indeed off of MN.
Do you and the others who are fervently agreeing with you actually had cancer?
I have also lost many friends and relatives to cancer and now I am undergoing treatment myself. Come on over to our page in General Health and see our struggles and perhaps you can have the decency to remove the stick from your arse and shut up.
I agree with the OP because

• I want to be able to go to the cinema like a normal person and not be reminded of cancer by having adverts in my face. I want to lose myself in the wonder of cinema and not be reminded that I also have cancer several times when all I want to do is forget about it for just two f*ing hours.
• I want to open a nice fluffy ladies mag and not have six pages of cancer stories shoved down my throat. Ok, this may be my bad but if I quickly flick through in the shop and don't spot anything obviously about cancer and then find a surprise story in the middle about cancer then is that my fault.
• I want to be able to watch tv with my DC and not have them burst into tears suddenly because even though the programme isn't aimed at adults, there is a big f*ing cancer advert jumping up unexpectedly.
• I want to be able stand at the bus stop and not have a big ass cancer advert staring back at me until the bus comes. Yes, I could walk off a distance but I can't run or walk too quickly back to the stop when the bus comes as I've found to my cost when I have done this.
• I want to be able to go to the Co-op on a Saturday afternoon and not get upset by 'I've got cancer' celebs on a newspaper front page while I'm bending down to get a TV guide. I don't want to have to explain why they look lovely and healthy and I don't want to feel shit about myself because no one I know with cancer looks like Ms Beeny. I look like death warmed up most of the time.
• With regards to the likes of the Ms Beeny interview: money makes the cancer journey so much easier when you have it (her lovely talk of tattooed eyebrows really rubbed it in because that is super expensive) and celebs can mostly choose whether to work - it just rubs it in. I'm back at work because my sick pay ran out and not through choice and it is killing me and wrecking my health.

So there it is. The OP isn't actually saying that all cancer suffers should shuffle off and die in a corner quietly. What they are saying is that our journey is horrible and undignified and that we shouldn't have this constantly shoved down our throats by advertising for funds and celebs who use the media to keep their profiles up. There are plenty of celebs who do deal with it all quietly (Andy Taylor for one) and I can only applaud them. I and others deal with our cancer reality every day so what should I do? Not leave the house, not watch tv, not read magazines? I do skim/ignore the cancer stories in mags and I do not do any social media but I've not had a single day where I have not been reminded that I have cancer. I have told very few people that I have cancer and have endured/processed in private. Tomorrow I get to find out whether I am dying. If I am then I want to do that quietly and in dignity.

Well said 👏

Like many I have lost loved ones and friends to cancer, including one who does not have long to live.

The level of celeb attention-seeking is now much too high IMO, with the media actually using this a cheap content. While it may be the chosen 'way of dealing with it' of some celebs, it is actually selfish to inflict their stories on everyone else ad nauseam.

The amount of adverts on the radio and other media is completely unacceptable, as PP have said, what chance do patients and their family have of forgetting about it all for a few minutes?

A very eloquent post @MothralovesGojira . The words seem too small for the significance of the day, but the very best of luck for tomorrow, I hope you get good news.

Are you a nurse?

Why is it that when a well known person has cancer that they are “brave”, they can afford to pay for the best specialists and treatments available, unlike the general population who have to accept what the nhs offers, and it’s also the way that ordinary people have to deal with getting to hospital often on public transport to hospitals that are many miles away from their home ( in my case I had to travel 3 buses each way for both chemo and radiotherapy) . These celebrities are not brave in my opinion they are just attention seeking.

Yanbu. And it's the one thing I use trigger warnings for. If it says trigger warning cancer/ death etc, I scroll past.

I'm afraid the celeb attention-seeking finished me off when the sainted BowelBabe started merching F&F pyjamas. I'm afraid that's taking it all too far and doing the cause no good at all.

I'm afraid you haven't got it. The op is expressly a vehement dislike for someone sharing perfectly valid views. That is abhorrent but she is free to say it. However she will have to put up with hearing unvarnished opinions on that from others who - shock horror - also have the right to express views on her words. Just because she can say it doesn't mean that others can't judge it. I'm afraid neither you nor the op have the corner on what can and can't be said. I personally think (as everyone does in the end) that just because it can be said and there must be the freedom to say it doesn't make it necessarily morally ok to say it.

People who are dying are already sidelined and isolated. They have very little time to say all the things they thought they'd have longer to say. Their speech should be protected, not sniped at. The op has a right to her opinion but I find the way she has expressed it astonishingly callous.

Very glad to see this thread reinstated @mnhq and I wholeheartedly agree with your post @MothralovesGojira I really hope you receive some positive news tomorrow

I really don't get the points you are making.

No one is forcing to read or watch these media stories at gun point...

I have a long term health condition and I actually think it is essential to speak out about disability and physical and mental illness.

Because there is still stigma around many conditions and some people even face discrimination because of it in the workplace and society in general.

Also it helps raising awareness of the symptoms and treatments and encourage people to get tested when high profile individuals talk about their health conditions.

I also find interesting and often uplifting to read about how people cope with hardship.

''When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.''

Well, many people don't have supporting families. For some social media or online forums are a lifeline if they don't have anybody else to speak to.

I really think you need to accept that people deal with illness and hardship in different ways. Everyone makes their own choice. There isn't one way to deal with illness...

Since you have been critical of others in your original post, I will be blunt: I also do think that you are the one who is scared of death and illness based on what. you wrote.

No. You can't stifle anyone else's voice because to you it's oversharing. You don't get to choose that.

I value hearing the thoughts and messages of people who are in a difficult position and want to talk about it.

What the op hasn't considered is that she might actually learn something. It's very clear that empathy would be a good first lesson.

I totally agree. I've had breast cancer twice and I have just had to get on with it. I went to the doctor and had my treatments. I'm not in the least inspirational or brave.

I thought this thread had been deleted as “not in the spirit of the site”. Why is it back @MNHQ ?