To refuse these baby names?

[Babynamedramallama]

My partner wants to use family names for our baby, (think old fashioned Ethel and Edgar) he has a daughter from his previous marriage and his ex wife wouldn’t allow him to use family names for her middle name. He’s got his heart set on naming our baby after his grandmother or grandfather, depending on the gender, he’s very excited and assumed it will happen without asking, but the truth is I hate the names. Regardless of being family names I wouldn’t force a child to live out their life with these awful suggestions. I understand he wants to continue their memory through our children, but he wants 2/3 middle names that won’t flow and will sound ridiculous out loud. He hasn’t even offered if I had names I like or relatives I’d like to name our children after. It’s starting to really upset me and feels hurtful, as I feel pressured to say yes to avoiding hurting his feelings. I don’t know how to broach the subject and be clear it’s a no before it gets to the birth, without offending him or his family who I am very close with. We have different taste in names in general so I knew it would be difficult but I never expected to have this pushed on me as he’d never mentioned it pre pregnancy. Fwiw my dd has a name in the top 10 and so does his dd, which I’d like to continue with, a name straight from the war era will be very unusual together. I know many old names are making a come back, but I’m confident not these ones! Can anyone share their stories how they worked around this situation please?

What are the names.

Middle name might be fine

First name has to be something you both love and you’re each allowed as many vetoes as necessary! But I would compromise on the middle names since they’re so rarely said that it doesn’t matter as much and it’s obviously very important to him. Why not go with 2 middle names and as long as the initials don’t spell anything rude then you can pick one each.

Ethel?! Yo7 can’t do that to a baby! I think you have to be brave and tackle this soon, the baby will be here before you know it.

I think family names mean so much. A middle name doesn’t matter at all day to day and one with meaning and history imo is way nicer than just choosing something standard

I have two fabulous (and unusual) middle names, each with a story to it. I love them. (Although I didn't when I was 10!)

Use them as a middle name, he doesn’t need to pick the first name aswell as 2 middle names.

It depends how bad the names are really. So what names has your DH got in mind?

I think this is the time when you need to worry less about your partner's feelings and more about the feelings of your unborn child if they are lumbered with a terrible name their whole life. This is absolutely worth putting your foot down over. They can be middle names or none at all.
Stand up for your baby! 😊

First name should be chosen together but if he wants to choose the middle name then what's the problem? You choose 1 as well, the DC has 2 middle names, drama averted. As for the names not "flowing" does that really matter when barely anybody will say all the names together? Although tbf I never understood the need for a middle name at all so DD never got one.

I said no to a few names suggested by my partner and vice versa. Don't agree to a name you really dislike.

Tbh I'd be more annoyed that he expects to dictate baby names without any discussion. Why do his family names trump your family names anyway?

I think it’s fine. It’s a middle name. Add two middle names if you like something more ‘modern’. I think an older name with top 10 name works well

ie

Harry Edgar James
Oliver Edgar Arlo
Noah Edgar Theodore

Isla Ethel Rae
Olivia Ethel Aria
Ava Harper Ethel

How do you know that the baby won’t grow up wishing it had an old fashioned name with history, rather than having the same name as every other person they meet though?

Are you married? Is the baby going to have his surname? If it is then no way would I be letting him choose all these names.

You need to speak up op - he sounds overbearing. I worry that finding a name you both like will be the least of your problems with this guy.

Seriously. You might name your child - for example - Elizabeth Beatrice Evangeline Smith. You will tie yourself into knots wondering what sounds better, Elizabeth Beatrice Evangeline, or Elizabeth Evangeline Beatrice. Or whether two "E" names are too much, and whether Elizabeth Agatha Beatrice would be better? Or maybe Margaret or Olive as a middle name?

Whereas in 99.99% of situations, the child will be known as Beth Smith. Using a family surname or given name as a child's middle name is a centuries old tradition which marks the links between the generations. This is obviously something which is important to your partner.

You don't want to hurt his feelings but he's clearly hurt yours and made decisions without consulting you. You really must let him know how you feel. And soon.

Would you be prepared to allow a name you don't like to be a second of 2 middle names, sling the lines of Catherine Anna Ethel? And make sure it is used as little as possible? It'd something of a compromise, I guess.

Sylvia Ethel Peggy for a girl and Herbert Edgar Wilbur. No I’m not trolling they are the names he wants after his grandparents. I’ve probably really outed myself now. I like regular names like James and Sophie. I couldn’t then use one or two of those as middle names as I see middle names as an extension, not names that will be forgotten about, just a reminder of shit names my child has been lumbered with (no offence to anyone who likes those names). I’m not a huge fan of naming a child after a relative anyway as I think they deserve their own individual name, but if I demand my name choices I’m just as bad as he is.

Oh no I don’t like a single one of them. He can’t be serious surely.

I love them

Put your foot down. His ex did so he must be expecting you to as well, deep down.

You need to find names you both agree on, really. Surely there’s something that you could both accept, even if it’s not the names you’d have as first choices.

(I like some of those names, but not others, but that’s irrelevant)

I do tend to think the mother has the casting vote, though, as you’re the one who has done all the hard work!

So is the baby already getting his family name by way of last name? If so expecting to also use an additional 2 or 3 family names is really taking the piss.

God no, they are awful names. Go with whatever you like for a first and pick the best of a bad bunch for a middle if you want to compromise.

Is there an option to compromise and have one or two but as middle names?

if there are family names you like, mutually agreed first name, then you and he add a family middle name each?