Parents! What do you miss most before children

[californiakiss]

What do you miss most before you had your kids

Having time to exercise, feeling comfortable in my own body, spending time with DH, reading, not being screamed at and hit every day (see username).

Yes the spontaneity of being able go somewhere whenever you like. My DD is 8 now and I'm excited that soon I'll be able to pop to Sainsburys for a couple of bits without her, not having to take her with me or wait for her dad to get home!
Lazy day if you are hungover. To be fair I don't have that many anymore because it's not worth it.
Binge watch things on a weekend.
Term time holidays.
No juggling of work and childcare
No toys/stuff everywhere in the house!

Having said all that I wouldn't change it for the world and I only have one child . She's in Y4 now and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel when she'll be in secondary school and I won't be tied to the school runs, so will feel more free. But then I'll cry and want my baby back and miss all her cuddles!

Being young and thin. Which has nothing to do with being a parent and everything to do with being 18 years older.

The £800 we spend on childcare a month and being able to focus on looking after myself when I'm sick.

God yes how could I forget a lie-in. She still wakes about 6.30-7am, just like her dad. Praying that will change soon once nearing a teenager.

Oh and being able to read a book on holiday. Not done that in over 8 years!

For me too, it's the loss of freedom. I can't work out why women seem to be okay with that.

Of course, money, being annoyed and harassed a lot of the time and largely needing to hold all these negative emotions in so children don't become upset.

Big big existential unease and boredom. Fear of disappearing in the needs of others, a fear that is very real. Loss of identity.

People not wanting to know as they are uncomfortable if a mother is unhappy with her lot.

So many things.

Spontaneity, sleep

The yearning and desperation to have children.
The endless fertility appointments.
The searing jealousy I felt of my friends with kids.

No, actually, nothing. I miss nothing. I look at them every day and think how lucky I am to have them. Sorry, that’s not really what this thread is about is it?

I’ll be honest and say nothing. I have 3 teenagers. 🤷‍♀️ child free was a lifetime ago. I don’t really yearn for it. Youth, yes. But there’s nothing I miss about then that I can’t do now.

Sleep!

Sleep.

Getting in the car and going somewhere without having to pack a changing bag with clothes, nappies, snacks and more.

A pelvic floor that doesn't leak from sneezing or laughing too much. And I had a c-section!!

My pelvic floor

Spontaneous Sunday morning sex that wasn't preceded by 10 minutes checking our kid was definitely still asleep

A tidy house

I do miss some aspects of pre-children life and I needed IVF. I don't think just because we had a longer road to get there we should feel bad for moaning about some of the less palatable side of parenting. I do feel lucky it worked but I can still have a damn, good moan about the lack of sleep etc!

Mine are a bit older now, so I'm passed the demanding early years.

What I miss now is money to treat myself to something I'd like or to go on a holiday I'd enjoy instead of it all going on what they enjoy. Just got back from a Haven holiday, thats me skint till next pay day. Then i will be finishing off buying their Xmas stuff. The older they get the more expensive they become. When a cheap trip to the Park is no longer is enough.

Sleep
Silence
Wallowing in self pity when unwell
Freedom to do anything/nothing
Money
Work freedom
A top functioning brain!

Cheap holidays!

No, not what this thread is about

@FortSalem86 Agree. And missing some aspects of pre children life doesn’t mean we wouldn’t miss our kids. My dd said to me that when she grows up I can come live with her so that we’ll always be together and my heart swelled and OMG how sweet. But then I felt a bit sad because one day she will grow up and leave me and I will miss her. And she probably won’t want me living with her.

I miss the freedom to only cook what I wanted to eat and experiment with different flavours. If it it didn’t work out, no big deal.

Before I was a parent I enjoyed cooking. Now, I cook the same meals on rotation and it’s become a bit of a chore. Sometimes I think I’ve forgotten how to cook like I used to (hence the username).

Plus, putting so much effort into cooking something yummy and nutritious only to have your precious dc push it away with a look of disgust is a bit deflating.

See, it took me a long time and ten miscarriages to have my daughter. I can still miss things from before she was here. I'm very, very glad she's here, and as I said upthread, I love her, with all of me. But I miss aspects of my life before. I'm human, it's allowed.

An evening social life. Even if I have an offer now, I have to turn it down because I can't get a babysitter, or need an early night!

I didn't miss anything actually, because I waited until we were both at what I thought was the appropriate time in our lives, but then it took me another 18 months to conceive my first.

So the change in our lives just felt right when it came.

Yep I hear you. People are uncomfortable with the idea that some women just find parenting a bit shit. It runs counter to alleged natural bond all women have with their children and instinctive love for motherhood. This is why it’s preferable to believe you have PND.

And soon enough there will be someone on this thread reminding us how lucky we are to have children. Followed by the sage advice that if you feel tired/stressed just find someone to watch the kids for a couple of hours while you have a cuppa, take up a hobby or go on the MN cure-all: a day at a spa.

😂 That advice is particularly useless to me, no one will watch my son as no one ‘feels confident managing his additional needs’ 😂

I have a four month old bad sleeper, high maintenance baby I miss

Sleep
Baths
Laying down on the couch
Meals out
Long car journeys

Most of all I miss the time between 7.30 and 11pm where I would normally have time to myself to enjoy my evening.
These days I'm trying to get baby to sleep, and usually spend in bed myself to catch up on sleep or awake in the dark out of fear baby will wake any second.
Finding life tough right now, but I hear four months is a tricky stage.