Parents! What do you miss most before children

[californiakiss]

What do you miss most before you had your kids

@Eastie77Returns

I saw a meme ages ago that said ‘if you’re the type of person who really enjoys their quality of life and needs ‘down time’ to recharge… parenting is going to be really tough for you’ and honestly I’ve never heard better or more serious advice thinly masked behind humour.

The issue with parenting is you literally have no way to trial it. There is no way to ‘borrow’ kids for a couple of weeks and if you have none in your close family/friends (we didn’t) then you won’t have a clue what you’ve got yourself into until it’s too late.
Since I had mine my younger sibling has resolutely decided they won’t be having kids. I can’t even blame them. It’s awful a lot of the time.
We love our kids but DH and I were not suited to having children.

This is true for us as well. It’s been very very tough.

My massive salary!! Lol. Gave up my job to raise the kids. Don't really regret that for a second. But do think of all the places I could have travelled by now if I took a different path in life.

Spontaneity. Drinks after work at the drop of a hat, going for a run as the sun rises, finishing off my work before I head home.rather than getting to wherever I get to before I turn into a pumpkin, collapsing on the sofa after a hard day and only having to stand up again to grab a bowl of cereal for 'dinner' and stick the telly on.

I'm a lone parent, kids are primary school aged. I wouldn't really swap but sometimes I have intense fantasies about the above!

Sleeping all night through, my pelvic floor, flat stomach, youth, lazing around, not feeling guilty and worried all the time…

Yes to spontaneity. Just to be able to go out at the drop of a hat.
In the toddler years sleep for sure but once they get a little older that does get much easier.
Just not having to think of anyone else. Sometimes the responsibility of motherhood absolutely crushes you like a huge weight on your back.
Being able to switch off. It doesn’t matter what your day has been like or how unwell you are you have to get your arse up and make dinner/help them with homework/get up early with them etc.

At the moment, sleep

I have a nasty cold and I think I wouldn't feel half as bad if my 20 month old wasn't waking me several times a night

Also, I miss being able to just lay in bed all day if I want. When I was in my early 20s I'd go out drinking and clubbing until the early hours on a Friday/Saturday and then spend Sunday in bed recovering, watching Netflix and then I'd have a shower, get into fresh PJs and have a takeaway for dinner.

I mean what a waste of time, but I could do that then without guilt. And I loved it.

When I was in my mid 20s my partner would go food shopping Saturday morning leaving me in bed with my cat and come home with breakfast. I used to have several cups of tea in bed.

Basically I miss my bed 😂 5am wake up this morning

Getting on with my partner. We love our DD but have fallen out of love with each other.

Much of this is temporary though doesn’t feel it at the time when you in the pre school drudge years. Eventually your kids will ignore you and want you to leave them alone so you will get your day to day freedom back. Then you feel abit weird being back where you started! Maintain friendships and marriage.

I have to add though, my daughter is AMAZING. So funny and lights up a room with her smile, people always come up to me to say how lovely her smile is.

Can't believe I made someone so wonderful.

Came to say the exact same thing. I (luckily) had never experienced anxiety before children, now I live in an almost constant fear for their happiness and safety. It's draining.

The feeling that I will still achieve something with my life.

Sleep wow do I miss sleep.

Peace and quiet

Nobody constantly mithering me for snacks drinks to paint or do play doh or kinetic fucking sand

Being able to have a nap during the day

Spontaneity

Not having a constantly messy house and having to pick up stuff everyone's crap everywhere I turn

Not having Ridiculous amounts of washing

Having said that, I adore them. They bring so much happiness to my life and I love waking up in the morning to their little faces climbing into bed for a cuddle.

It's just all so hectic and rushed and stressful and I wish there was just more time to relax and not feel like a rabbit in the headlights.

Sleep and a flat belly (although my kids are teens - they don't wake me up but my ability to sleep soundly has never returned!)

My social life. But I realised a lot of my friends were just acquaintances really. We don't have any family to readily babysit for us and don't want to get into swapping duties with friends because it would be one sided. We don't get invited out together much any more. However, we waited until our 30s to have kids and had a fab child free life together for 10years. We now are onto the next phase and adore our kids. Kind of look back on the preschool years with rose tinted glasses now, despite knowing ds1 never slept for more than 20mins during his 1st year.
Enjoy them while you can.

This!

Any time I’ve been sick I’ve had a child sick at home too, ditto any days off I have are generally because someone is home and so I miss the whole duvet day thing but they’re so totally worth it. It can all be hard but they’re worth it a million times over. Ps I also miss sleep (I have 2 that seem to alternate nightmares/waking during the night lately

I do miss lie ins but I wouldn't swap my lovely children for them.

I miss not having to do constantfuckinglaundry and I miss not having a bucket fanny.

I love my children indescribably much, but wouldn't choose this life again.

Sleep
Culture
Nice luxury holidays
The weekend being a chance to rest and recharge
Money as all goes on childcare and activities
Hobbies outside of the house

That said I do adore them and as they get older it does get easier..!

The whole 'older gets easier' thing Yes and no. I have never found my 16 year old daughter more difficult to parent.

A tidy house and manageable washing load lol

Being able to wake up in the morning and doze/check my phone/contemplate life before I got out of bed, even for a few minutes! Now I have to leap out of bed and attend to whichever DC has woken me. Obviously I have little kids so no doubt something will replace that as they get older!

Being able to coddle yourself a bit when unwell (I’m a solo parent). We’ve just all had colds. Pre child I would have spent part of my day off on the sofa with a book, some chocolate and a bale of tissues. Same when we all had covid - still not sure how I got through the worst day, but CBeebies makes a wonderful babysitter.