Parents! What do you miss most before children

[californiakiss]

What do you miss most before you had your kids

Sleep.

General freedom! Being able to make my own plans without feeling like I'm shirking my responsibilities.

Cheap holidays but holidays are better with my DC, so very much worth the difference.

I miss having to always be home or picking up at a certain time, I’m constantly worrying about being late but again DC are totally worth it.

Not having a personal, highly vested interest in the future of the world. I always cared about the environment. Now I worry about the environment. Easily the biggest source of anxiety in my life.

And, on a more lighthearted note, morning sex.

I trying to think of anything I actively miss to be honest. I still feel like I have a lot of free time to relax at home because he's great at entertaining himself.

Hmmm.....I guess I'd say activities when we're on holidays. We still travel a lot but it's not the shark diving in the morning and bungee jumping in the afternoon holidays that we used to have.

Lots of the things being posted definitely do get easier as dc get older - better even, as they come along too! There are still things I miss though - time alone in the house and adult only time in the evening (we all go to bed at the same time these days - dc are 14, 13 and 11).

Reading in the day time.

Evenings that are my own.
DD takes an age to get to sleep so I only get 1-2 hours before bed.

But have to say she’s so lovely that I don’t miss as anything else yet (she’s 3). I’m not looking forward to school mums though

I also miss how easy it was to leave the house. I completely underestimated how challenging it can be to get kids out the door!

But in all fairness there would be loads more that I would miss about being a parent.

Sleep.
Spontaneity.
Privacy.
Not having to deal with the school meetings, endless form-filling, appointments and other admin that comes with having an SEN child.
Resting when I'm sick.
Relaxing when I'm on holiday.
Daytime sex.
Weekends that weren't taken up with kids activities, kids parties, homework projects, swimming lessons etc.
A tidy house.
Peace and quiet.
Quality time with DH.
Not having to negotiate/cajole/remind/repeat myself all the time.
Less laundry.
My pre-child body.
Freedom from the constant nagging worry that I'm not a good enough Mum.

Being able to sleep in
Being able to be ill (I'm on my own)
Being able to just decide to go somewhere and go, without having to plan it like a military operation
Being able to work full time/overtime (childcare is a problem because I have no family here and can only work round the 30 hours)
And I'm really really fucking sick of Octanauts.

I love her though.

When they were young spontaneity, sleep, not being stuck in a rigid routine (Dts needed it or the days just fell apart), my life before babies, me, just upping and leaving for the weekend somewhere, girls holidays, the list goes on.

Now they're older and I have all that back, mostly. I miss those days.

Life's a bit of a fucker that way!

Not being vulnerable

Days filled with sex and/or BDSM. Running. Going out alone. Drinking. Feeling young.

Being able to stay sitting down. 😂

Just time to ourselves really. Being able to get up late on a Saturday and have a whole weekend to relax, read, watch TV, go for walks and drinks, afternoon delight…

Some of these are heartbreaking. 😢 But excellent food for thought for someone like me who is undecided (but needs to decide v. soon - thanks biological clock).

Hang in there, everyone! 💐

I think I am ill suited to parenting too.

There were also very few small children in our immediate families and we didn’t have a clue. I had several friends with children but they only told me about their struggles after I had mine. Prior to that I only saw the picture perfect images on social media and how #blessed they were to have a family. It seems there is a conspiracy of silence once you join the parenting club.

On that point, I am brutally honest with any woman who asks me about the realities of it all. I tell anyone who is ambivalent or doubts they want children not to feel pressured into it.

I miss my DC desperately on the (rare) occasions I’m without them for a length of time. However if I’m really honest, I’m not sure I would have had them if I’d know the toll it would take.

On the other hand, I may well have been quite miserable if I felt I’d ‘missed out’ on the chance to be a mum. The grass is always greener.

No one talking, although to be fair my husband has gotten quite bad for that too

Being ill. I have laryngitis at the moment and I am a teacher. I could really do with not speaking at all until Monday.

Having every room in the house being properly clean and tidy at once, not just on a rotation basis.

Buying and reading a Sunday paper.

Reading anything for pleasure, tbh without falling asleep after two pages.

Being able to do jobs around the house that take longer than 5 minutes.

Being able to stay up late on a weekend without knowing your children will still wake up at 6.30.

Going for long walks with my husband, unencumbered by those of tiny leg, a fascination with puddles and an ability to find the danger in any given location.

Being able to get my work done during the day so that I can relax in the evening, rather than forcing myself to get the laptop out when I'm shattered and irritated.

Eating evening meal at 8pm.

LOL. This. I don't have small children anymore and plenty of freedom but my pelvic floor is crap. I'm seriously thinking of again wearing period pads because I've had it with wet underwear when I cough or sneeze.

Sleep.
Slow weekend mornings where I could have a lie in, mooch about having several cups and tea and reading the paper without any pressure to do anything.

Oh yes. I’m bluntly honest also. But I’m either treated as though I have PND or people assume it’s because my eldest (2.5) has ASD (maybe that is why I struggle so much who knows)

I don’t think women want to believe it tbh which I kind of get because I wouldn’t have wanted to either before I had them. Not that anyone told me, they didn’t.

I honestly hate parenting, love my kids but HATE the monotonous, exhausting, painful, mundane, thankless, drudge of day to day life just trying to meet their basic needs which constantly seem to conflict with one another.

I also massively resent having lost all freedom, independence, my career, my social life. If SUCKS.

Disposal income
No guilt in buying myself something
No worries about them..even when adults I think I'll worry
My career being so much harder now in terms of roles within the job I cannot do because of sporadic hours
Peace and quiet.
Not having to plan the never ending fancy dress outfits at school and associated costs with this.
Being able to just go away for the weekend without having to think about that is there for kids to do
Sleep
School gate nonsense

Sorry I seemed to have wondered on the downsides of having children. Can you tell I've had a shite week!

I did it alone from the time my DC were 5 and 7. My XH had them EOW and an evening in the week so I did get time off but on the other hand I had to power through him being away for 3 months of the year. I think it taught me resilience and how to plan a life that worked for them and me. And after all each phase goes very quickly. Before you know it they are off to university and your life is empty of them and their friends breezing in and out and brining all that energy and laughter into the house.