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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking aunts offer to buy her house cheaply when my sister wants/needs it more?

295 replies

Anonquestion125 · 03/11/2022 18:03

When my husband and I were at my aunts a couple months ago we talked to her about how we were looking into buying our first house. My aunt after inquiring what our price limit was asked if we would buy her house. Her house is a beautiful five bedroom and was out of our price range. She however said she would sell it to us for far less. Her husband died a couple years ago and she said she had wanted to move back to Scotland and live with her sister, but had only been holding off because she didn’t want to sell her house to strangers.

I have always loved this house and have lots of fond childhood memories of the please, so we had the house inspected and it’s in really good condition. Even after calculating the extra expenses associated a home of this size it’s still a great deal. So we accepted my aunts offer.

My sister found out and she is upset because she knew that I knew she and her husband were also looking into buying a house and that I should have brought the offer to her first since since she has a larger family and a greater need for more space.

This whole situation has been brought to my aunts attention and she has said that my sister can have the house if I say no, but it’s completely up to me and she doesn’t want to get any more involved and refused to talk about it more.

My main thought on why we should have the house is that my aunt had said she didn’t want to sell the house to strangers. Yes, my sister isn’t technically a stranger, but she very rarely ever goes to visit our aunt (maybe twice a year). Meanwhile me, my husband, and our daughter visit my aunt regularly. Usually twice a month. My husband goes by even more often to help her with any heavy duty chores or to fix things.

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

OP posts:
Topsyturvy78 · 03/11/2022 20:44

I was just pointing it out. She said herself she couldn't afford it at full market value. People do make the mistake of buying a bigger house then find they can't keep up with the payments. Make's no difference if buying off family or not so......🤔🙄

TomTraubertsBlues · 03/11/2022 20:45

Viviennemary · 03/11/2022 20:36

I think you need to pay your aunt a fair price for her house.

100%

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/11/2022 20:49

TomTraubertsBlues · 03/11/2022 20:43

My basis for the speculation was that her first instinct, when the aunt made this offer, was to bite her hand off rather than trying to persuade her to sell at market value. Someone acting in the aunt's interest wouldn't have done that.

Both sisters had £ signs in their eyes in my opinion.

She IS acting in the aunt's interest because the aunt wants to sell, but not to strangers. This is a win-win for both of them. And presumably the aunt will enjoy visiting OP from time to time, and be able to stay in the old familiar home.

To some people, peace of mind is worth more than pounds.

roarfeckingroarr · 03/11/2022 20:52

You reap what you sow and you've put in lots of time and effort with your aunt. Your sister shouldn't ruin this for you just because she's jealous.

Hopelessromatic · 03/11/2022 20:54

I think you should buy the house . You and your husband has been very good to your aunt and deserve to get first option over your sister .I think it's very greedy of your sister to put you in that position .. If she was a caring sister she would be happy that your getting the chance to buy the house. She sounds like a jealous sister . You deserve the house. She'll get over it !!

silverbubbles · 03/11/2022 20:56

Sounds like your sister would snap it up if your Aunt had offered it to her. Doesn't sound like she would have thought about offering it to you even though she knew you were looking....

Buy the house.

Whinge · 03/11/2022 21:00

silverbubbles · 03/11/2022 20:56

Sounds like your sister would snap it up if your Aunt had offered it to her. Doesn't sound like she would have thought about offering it to you even though she knew you were looking....

Buy the house.

That doesn't make the OP sister a bad person. I can't imagine many people would think to offer a 5 bedroom house to a family of 2 adults and a child.🤷🏻‍♀️

oldbrownjug · 03/11/2022 21:00

Tax etc is something to bear in mind BUT - selling to family means no viewings, (so stressful), no uncertainty, no estate agents fees, lower solicitor's costs as usually easier/ less work, timing can be worked out to suit the relative - all valuable. Unless you're selling for hundreds of thousands below market value the tax won't be an issue and your aunt is not being taken advantage of.
Buy it

Mirabai · 03/11/2022 21:01

The ‘don’t want to sell it to strangers’ is just a line from your aunt to be kind to you.

I would thank her for her amazing offer but that you can’t possibly accept, and she may come to regret forgoing the money.

Polly421 · 03/11/2022 21:01

Hopelessromatic · 03/11/2022 20:54

I think you should buy the house . You and your husband has been very good to your aunt and deserve to get first option over your sister .I think it's very greedy of your sister to put you in that position .. If she was a caring sister she would be happy that your getting the chance to buy the house. She sounds like a jealous sister . You deserve the house. She'll get over it !!

But if the OP is getting a huge reduction in price then this also could be seen as greedy and not encouraging her aunt to get more selling it at market value or allowing her sister to put in an offer to buy it also.

LCopp89 · 03/11/2022 21:01

I think you should buy it.

The fact that she offered it to you, being close, probably means that she would be comfortable and happy to visit in the future, and you would have the space for her to stay. I'm guessing the sister would not and there doesn't seem to be the same relationship between the two of them.

ListeningButNotHearing · 03/11/2022 21:02

YANBU
I think you should buy it.

What you and your DH do is excellent and why shouldn't it rewarded.

Your sister makes very little effort, so realistically what on earth should she expect.
It's no excuse having 4 children in my view.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 03/11/2022 21:03

Buy it and then when aunt pops her clogs, sell it and give some of the profit to your sister?

ittakes2 · 03/11/2022 21:05

I think your aunt offered it to you. That’s your luck. Your aunt could have also offered it to your sister first but didn’t. She’s potentially back tracked due to family pressure. Buying this house will damage your relationship with your sister - and it really depends on how much you care about that because if you don’t buy this house you’ll resent her anyway.
for people saying your sister’s need is greater - she choose to have 4 kids it’s not your fault.

ListeningButNotHearing · 03/11/2022 21:06

Don't whatever you do listen to jealous posters telling you to pass up the offer.

If anyone deserves it you and your husband do.

It's an opportunity of a lifetime, so don't miss out on your chance.

ittakes2 · 03/11/2022 21:06

If your aunt does not have kids it’s likely she has considered you in her will and selling the house to you for cheaper is just a way of paying you earlier.

Jewel7 · 03/11/2022 21:12

If I was your aunt I would want you to buy it. As you and your husband have made the effort it is unlucky for your sister. But the only way this can be solved without upsetting your sister is to let your aunt put it up for sale normally. She could then give you and your sister money towards a deposit. If she would rather it stays in the family you can buy it. It was offered to you first. I don’t know your sisters financial situation but could she afford to buy a house normally? Where as it sounds like you can. If my sister had 4 children and was going to be renting forever for example I think I would let her buy it….

Choconut · 03/11/2022 21:12

Mirabai · 03/11/2022 21:01

The ‘don’t want to sell it to strangers’ is just a line from your aunt to be kind to you.

I would thank her for her amazing offer but that you can’t possibly accept, and she may come to regret forgoing the money.

So then the sister accepts instead, the aunt is no better off and the OP has lost out on a house she loved to her sister who hasn't really bothered with the aunt.

You aunt wants you to have it OP or she wouldn't have offered it. If she had any inclination to offer it to your sister then she would have talked to both of you before offering it to either of you. Your sister sounds very entitled to think it should be hers just because she's popped out more kids. Even now the aunt knows your sister wants it she has still given you first refusal over her.

If your sister won't speak to you because you don't do what she wants then that doesn't sound like a huge loss.

AuroraBoreaIis · 03/11/2022 21:13

I really think the fact that your sister has four children and zero help, whereas you have one child and a helpful MIL SHOULD be factored in to how easy it is for your sister to visit your aunt and her genuine inability to be there for your aunt as much as you have. I also think four children in such a large house makes more sense than 2a1c. That said, she did choose to have four children, and I think that you shouldn't lose out on the house for having just one child.
If your sister has never made much time for your aunt, before she had her children, then I think that makes the decision much easier.

I think I'd take the house if I were you, but make serious efforts to financially help your sister so she gets something of a leg up on to the property ladder, to make it a little fairer.

Bottom line, though I'd feel sorry for my sister's children who might not ever be able to live in a home big enough for them to have a little space, I'd put my own child first. But definitely try to financially help your sister.

carpool · 03/11/2022 21:14

Why couldn't aunt rent the house to you and your family and move to Scotland?
She could then will it to you eventually if she wants or split it equally with your sister and you could take out a mortgage to buy out sister's share if you wanted to stay in the house?

whumpthereitis · 03/11/2022 21:14

Polly421 · 03/11/2022 21:01

But if the OP is getting a huge reduction in price then this also could be seen as greedy and not encouraging her aunt to get more selling it at market value or allowing her sister to put in an offer to buy it also.

yes, but the aunt has been happy to offer it to her at that reduction. I doubt she’s unaware as to what she could get for it at market value. She may very well be financially comfortable enough to not worry about taking a loss.

Why is the sister entitled to put in an offer to buy it?

thesurrealist · 03/11/2022 21:18

I'm an aunt. I don't have kids of my own.

I have three nieces and two nephews. They are all adults and two of the nieces and one nephew have children.

The only one of them who bothers with me - not doing things for me, but generally keep in touch, give a shit whether I'm alive etc, is my childfree niece.

Whilst the others may feel they deserve my money/property because they have children/will have more children because my childfree niece may we'll decide she wants them in the future. It is that one niece who would be the only one who I would even consider helping and, indeed, the only one who benefits from my will.

The others may use children now as an excuse not to bother with me except to re ind me of what they, then their children, want for Christmas/birthdays etc, but they had equal opportunity to get to know me, me as a person and their aunt and not a bottomless pit of money.
But they didn't. So why should I bother with them?

I know my currently childfree niece might have children, but our relationship is such that I know I will form relationships with those children and there will be no expectations. So she gets it all.

None of them know this.

Cantstandbullshit · 03/11/2022 21:19

Superwash · 03/11/2022 18:06

You would be very wrong to do anything but encourage you aunt to put it on the open market and sell it for what it's worth.

I guess it depends if you want to take advantage of an elderly (?) widow and ruin any relationship with your sister.

That makes no sense at all unless her relative is not of sound mind and doesn’t understand the implications options or know she can sell it for higher on the open market.

From what I’ve read the woman wants to sell it someone she knows and is willing to sell it for less so telling her to sell it on open market makes no sense.

@Anonquestion125 you have the closer relationship to her and she offers it to you so you buy it.

Livpool · 03/11/2022 21:20

Your sister needs the bedrooms more than you - let her buy it. I think YABU

lovenaps · 03/11/2022 21:21

I think your sister is being unreasonable getting upset about you buying the house 💐x