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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking aunts offer to buy her house cheaply when my sister wants/needs it more?

295 replies

Anonquestion125 · 03/11/2022 18:03

When my husband and I were at my aunts a couple months ago we talked to her about how we were looking into buying our first house. My aunt after inquiring what our price limit was asked if we would buy her house. Her house is a beautiful five bedroom and was out of our price range. She however said she would sell it to us for far less. Her husband died a couple years ago and she said she had wanted to move back to Scotland and live with her sister, but had only been holding off because she didn’t want to sell her house to strangers.

I have always loved this house and have lots of fond childhood memories of the please, so we had the house inspected and it’s in really good condition. Even after calculating the extra expenses associated a home of this size it’s still a great deal. So we accepted my aunts offer.

My sister found out and she is upset because she knew that I knew she and her husband were also looking into buying a house and that I should have brought the offer to her first since since she has a larger family and a greater need for more space.

This whole situation has been brought to my aunts attention and she has said that my sister can have the house if I say no, but it’s completely up to me and she doesn’t want to get any more involved and refused to talk about it more.

My main thought on why we should have the house is that my aunt had said she didn’t want to sell the house to strangers. Yes, my sister isn’t technically a stranger, but she very rarely ever goes to visit our aunt (maybe twice a year). Meanwhile me, my husband, and our daughter visit my aunt regularly. Usually twice a month. My husband goes by even more often to help her with any heavy duty chores or to fix things.

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 03/11/2022 20:01

So it's okay with tour sister if she buys it and you miss out?! Just carry on as normal, buy it and don't bring it up to your aunt anymore.

anyolddinosaur · 03/11/2022 20:02

NowNumber5 · 03/11/2022 19:29

Did your sister ever make an effort to visit your aunt when she only had one child?

Interesting question. Buy it. If your aunt wanted to help your sister she'd have been given first option.

Blossomtoes · 03/11/2022 20:02

pastabakeonaplate · 03/11/2022 18:29

Check out the position re care home costs and depriving herself of assets or whatever its called and tax ramifications.

She didn't offer it to your sister she offered it to you. You've forced her hand into declaring sister can have it if you don't.

Do you want it? Then go for it. But don't ever invite your sister round.

The aunt’s moving to Scotland where the state pays care home fees.

Hawkins001 · 03/11/2022 20:02

The greater good is for your sister to buy it.
although I do understand your perspectives op.
All the best

Obki · 03/11/2022 20:04

JustLyra · 03/11/2022 19:58

It’s a pertinent point that should be thought of.

if the op wants to disregard it she can, I’m sure she doesn’t need you policing what other people post for her.

Whereas I think OP has the nous to have thought of that herself.

A lot of you seriously just sound jealous.

And stop policing my posts.

JustLyra · 03/11/2022 20:04

Blossomtoes · 03/11/2022 20:02

The aunt’s moving to Scotland where the state pays care home fees.

It’s not as straightforward as that - there are still capital and savings limits and the likes. It’s not just a free for all.

Wibbly1008 · 03/11/2022 20:05

your sister has too many children so she is struggling with space, and it’s somehow your problem and you should give up a golden opportunity to sort out her shit? What is wrong with people. Why can no one take responsibility for their own lives anymore. There is always an expectation that the sensible sibling that lives to their means has to support the reckless one. Unbelievable.

JustLyra · 03/11/2022 20:05

Obki · 03/11/2022 20:04

Whereas I think OP has the nous to have thought of that herself.

A lot of you seriously just sound jealous.

And stop policing my posts.

Good for you. Other people are allowed to post what they like.

The only person attempting to police anyone is you.

bluebird3 · 03/11/2022 20:07

It's pretty shitty that you didn't mention to your aunty that your sister was also looking for a house when she offered it. You had to have known immediately this would cause a problem with your sister. The conversation should have gone like this:

You: we're looking to buy a house
Aunty: oh, why don't you buy this one? I could give you a deal on it as I'd love it to stay in the family
You: oh that's a really kind offer. I'd really love it but DSis is also looking for a house and I'm sure she would also be interested.

If your aunty knew that both of you were house hunting then she could have decided who to offer it to. It may have been you because you visit more. Or she may have thought your sister needs it more with 4 kids to your 1.

I can see your perspective and understand why you want the house for yourself. But if my sister did what you did, I don't think I'd ever forgive her. From your sister's perspective it will feel like you were in the right place at the right time and took advantage of your aunty's overly generous offer. And then you purposely didn't mention she might also want it and tried to buy it quietly before she'd have a chance to put her case forward.

Obki · 03/11/2022 20:07

JustLyra · 03/11/2022 20:05

Good for you. Other people are allowed to post what they like.

The only person attempting to police anyone is you.

Everyone except me, huh? Get over yourself.

Blanketpolicy · 03/11/2022 20:08

Just tell your sister your aunt has decided to give you first refusal and it is too good an offer for you to refuse. Puts the onus on your aunts decision to offer you first and you would be a fool to refuse if it is possible.

Deprivation of assets is something to consider (even if your aunt moves to Scotland) so make sure you discuss this with a solicitor before proceeding.

NightfeedsandNetflix · 03/11/2022 20:09

Would your sister pass up the house for you if you needed it more?

Hmm tricky one, it's going to cause a rift but because an opportunity has presented itself to you that someone else wanted or needed you are then expected to pass it up?

Your sister shouldn't do the emotional blackmail thing. Four kids... her choice. Not to see her aunt as much ... again her choice.

It's a case of tough luck for your sister and you do what's best for you, as long as your aunt wants to do this for the right reasons etc and isn't buying your affections then you've done nothing wrong, gosh we all need a little help.

TheNewlmprovedMrsMadEvans · 03/11/2022 20:09

Buy it because it is your Aunt's home and she wants you to have it , not your sister.

JustLyra · 03/11/2022 20:09

Obki · 03/11/2022 20:07

Everyone except me, huh? Get over yourself.

Whatever pet

If you don’t like opinions on your posts then don’t go telling other people what to do.

whats good for the goose and all that

Aquamarine1029 · 03/11/2022 20:10

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

Your sister shouldn't have had more children than she can manage or house properly. Her circumstances are not your fault or responsibility.

Pootles34 · 03/11/2022 20:10

She was in the right place at the right time because she's making more effort with her aunt. No one made sister have 4 kids - I know this is a bit controversial but 4 kids is a lot, and if you don't have room for them, don't have them!

Obki · 03/11/2022 20:11

You know you’ve lost the argument when you resort to consescending pet names.

Where did I imply I don’t like opinions?

funnelfanjo · 03/11/2022 20:11

I didn't see this mentioned already, but surely if the aunt wants to address any imbalance between OP and her sister, she could address that in her will?

Yes, there is no guarantees on what money/assets she would have at her death, and it could be years away, but if I was the aunt, that is what I would do if I she was fixed on selling to the OP.

On the other hand, if I was an outsider I would be advising the aunt to get over whatever is making her not want to sell to strangers, sell on the open market to the highest bidder, enjoy the money in Scotland and then spilt her estate equally to the benefit of both OP and their sister in her will.

Nettie787 · 03/11/2022 20:11

As others have said, I'm sure there are tax implications and future care costs that might affect your aunt if she gifts you the house lower than market value.

But tell your sister your aunt offered it to you because of your relationship with the aunt.

WindyHedges · 03/11/2022 20:11

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

YABU if you dismiss your sister for not visiting your aunt when she has 4 DC under 10 and no help from family.

Calling your sister “a stranger” to your aunt is you trying to salve your conscience about the advantage of buying your aunt’s house at way below market price. It’s mean.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/11/2022 20:12

People aren't obliged to make financial and property transactions for "the greater good."

The OP loves the house and has fond memories there, and the aunt wants her to have it at a price the OP can afford. The aunt instigated this. Nothing else matters. That the sister is trying to guilt people into ameliorating her life is irrelevant.

Higglydy · 03/11/2022 20:12

I guess it depends on how much you value your relationship with your sister because this kind of thing could drive a permanent wedge between you both.

Jalepenojello · 03/11/2022 20:13

No one will come out of this happy. I don’t blame your sister for feeling how she feels

JustLyra · 03/11/2022 20:14

WindyHedges · 03/11/2022 20:11

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

YABU if you dismiss your sister for not visiting your aunt when she has 4 DC under 10 and no help from family.

Calling your sister “a stranger” to your aunt is you trying to salve your conscience about the advantage of buying your aunt’s house at way below market price. It’s mean.

It’s only mean if it’s untrue surely?

Longdarkcloud · 03/11/2022 20:15

I cant understand why so many posters think that both sisters have an equal right to the financial windfall. Aunt has no obligation to give the other sister anything. For all we know the OP may have other siblings or cousins who are also related to the Aunt.
If the OP still feels uncomfortable she can request Aunt to loan her the balance of the purchase price on second mortgage and gift it back in instalments over the next few years at a level permissible under the Gift duties act. I haven’t practised in the UK but know this is possible elsewhere and would expect such a scheme to be permissible here.
Sister can then be told house has been sold at market value