To want SD’s to share a room?

[jopejob511]

DS is almost 20 and in his 2nd year of uni. He struggled during the first year but managed to get through it. This year, he's been struggling but agreed to stay and I went to visit him a few times. A few days ago was the anniversary of his dads death (12 years ago, not recently but obviously it's still affected him) which seems to have hit him hard as expected. He called me last night crying saying he wants to come home so I agreed at the weekend ill go and get him.

The issue is his room, he sleeps in it when he's here but when away SD(12) sleeps in it as she doesn't want to share with her sister (7), they come here every other week and stay for the week. The issue is they're also coming this Sunday. DP has said I'm BU for wanting them to share and DS is almost 20 so if he can't cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay, for example a hotel. I've told him I don't expect him to do that as this is his home we then argued about how this is also SD’s home etc.

Was I bu?

This man and his daughters have come to live in your house and now he wants to kick your son out. Sounds like a cuckoo to me.

This made me smile, I honestly thought STBXH stood for 'stupid twatting bastard ex husband' for longer than I would like to admit

Oh man, get rid of this arsehole, landed on his feet didn't he? Moving himself and his children into your house. You know you your son has mental health difficulties, you also know that this awful specimen of humanity lacks any compassion so what the fuck is he doing in your house??

I would circumvent the problem caused by DH and talk to the girls yourself about the problem. I’m sure they will easily come to the conclusion that they can share for the days he will be with you while you talk to him and explore his feelings about going forward with his degree.

If he were to come home full time then maybe you could talk to him about taking the smaller room so that the girls have more space.
DH is being very unreasonable …cruel even….to suggest your student son should get a hotel. I wouldn’t like that.

I actually think that's better!

Your dp is being a knob
The girls of course should share and no reason why they can’t.

if he wants everyone to have a room of their own time for him to stump up for a mortgage to buy a house for you all with more rooms

it's your house, and your partner is out of line.

Seriously - reconsider your relationship. This is not a good man.

And get a lock on that door and make it clear that DS's room is his and his alone. DS needs to know that, and needs to feel he's not being pushed out by your partner. Your partner can take his complaint of unfairness and shove it up his arse.

Your son has more right to be there than DP and his daughters. Stand your ground and be there for your boy. DP has already had a negative impact on his life and would like him gone. DP must be rather disappointed that uni isn't working out. I would rather get rid of DP than do the wrong thing by my son.

Your son will always be your son. Your partner may not always be your partner.

 @ZeroFuchsGiven it should do!

Wow how dare this man disregard your sons feelings this way!

your son although he is 20 is sort of still quite young so clearly needs that extra bit of nurturing due to his MH issues and the anniversary of his fathers passing.

im assuming this man pays for your home as how does he feel so comfortable verbally abusing your son this way!!

OP, why not let him get his own place with the girls?

hes not just disrespecting your son he is disrespecting you too

i feel sorry for your son returning home to be in his presence and worry about what atmosphere he is coming home to!

Absolutely not if it’s your house predating partner then why should your child be pushed out of his home. suggest if he doesn't like them having to share then he can buy them a room of there own else where! 20 is not really that old he’s pushing your son out of his family and making him unwelcome tell him that is his room and he graciously let ss use it whilst he’s not there but if he is then the offers off.

whatever you do Op don't ever marry this man, you may not kick him out as is the knee jerk reaction often here - he has certainly shown with his colours over this situation that he doesn't consider your son to be part of a blended family and never will.

I thought it was shoot the bastard ex ..

I'd be making it crystal clear to DS that is his room for as long as he needs it. If he wants to move back home for good, fine.

And id be making it clear to DP that if he doesn't like it he can piss off

Your son absolutely should have his own room whenever he comes back. He needs to feel that it's always there for him. I think the 12 year old needs to know that if she can't relinquish it on those occasions then it's off limits altogether.
Going forward could you see if your son would be willing to move into the smaller room (redecorated to his taste obviously) and then divide his room into two smaller rooms?

OK so YANBU to expect your child to have a room at your home given he hasn't moved out.

BUT

He has the largest room despite having moved to Uni whilst the girls have to share a smaller room

This.

Is he always so lacking in compassion and empathy?

On that yabu.

If this were one family, and eldest bro moved to Uni, you'd have swapped the sharers to the larger room and put weekend child in the smaller room.

If you aren't one family, you shouldn’t be living together and forcing both sets of kids to accommodate your romantic life.

So this weekend they share. If DS wants to quit Uni and come home, he goes in the small room and they see what you can do with his large room to give the girls their privacy

Your house, your son, your rules.

Why would a 20 year old want to go bowling?

Your partner sounds like a bully.

And if he goes back, I'd be swapping the rooms over too.

I have twins and if there is any question of fairness my firm answer is if a child has a medical need (and I include mental health) they get priority. I don’t care if your son is 30 if he is struggling with his mental health he should be able to feel he has a home to go to and the girls can share for a week. Presumably they share on holidays?

Your partner is a complete knob and I’d be giving him his marching orders .

That’s always been his home though, before the partner and his girls came along. Why should he vacate his room for them?
Their father made the choice to move in with OP. That’s not OP’s son’s fault.
He can always move out again and give his girls a room each. He doesn’t get to boot OP’s DS out of his.

Interchangeable I would imagine a lot of the time 😁

So your DH is in your home with his children there every other week and expects constant use of all 3 bedrooms for his family? In your own house you are expected to use 1. No, this would not be happening. Your son needs to return to his house and have a safe place to retreat to. Move the girls into the bigger room (and partition it if needed) and give DS the girls smaller bedroom going forward.