To want SD’s to share a room?

[jopejob511]

DS is almost 20 and in his 2nd year of uni. He struggled during the first year but managed to get through it. This year, he's been struggling but agreed to stay and I went to visit him a few times. A few days ago was the anniversary of his dads death (12 years ago, not recently but obviously it's still affected him) which seems to have hit him hard as expected. He called me last night crying saying he wants to come home so I agreed at the weekend ill go and get him.

The issue is his room, he sleeps in it when he's here but when away SD(12) sleeps in it as she doesn't want to share with her sister (7), they come here every other week and stay for the week. The issue is they're also coming this Sunday. DP has said I'm BU for wanting them to share and DS is almost 20 so if he can't cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay, for example a hotel. I've told him I don't expect him to do that as this is his home we then argued about how this is also SD’s home etc.

Was I bu?

If your 'D'P feels his 7 year old needs her own space because she doesn't have that at her mum's either, then tell him to go buy a house with a separate room for her.

I keep reading the posts and feel so upset for your son. To be pushed out by that cuckoo of a partner. Your son has suffered him since he was fifteen and a half - a very vulnerable age . You have no idea what P has said to him behind your back.
Your partner has done very nicely for himself - found someone to co-parent when he has custody, no child support to pay, you are massively subsidising him.
And now, his sense of entitlement that his girls take priority over your son and making out YOU are the unreasonable one, all of this in your own home. Please never marry this man, I hope you can see that once he has some leverage, your boy will be out on his ear.

Why have you paired up with someone who makes your son unhappy in his own home, and now says he should stay in a hotel.

why have you done this to your poor son who has nowhere else to go?

stand up for him- why can’t your partner sort his own accommodation for him and his daughters

Omg, with this new up date, @jopejob511 you need to put your foot down and TELL your boyfriend that your son has a room in the home you bought and his girls are welcome to visit you while he lives in you but if you were to split, they be visiting you wherever he moved to.

when ds is back home, they bunk in together.

it’s not like they don’t share in their mothers home, so any opportunity to not hmshare a room is good, but not a given.

don’t let this man ruin the relationship between you and your son.

I’d be booking a hotel alright, and telling dp to fuck off to it.

Same here.

They don't like to sleep in the same room? Tough!

IT'S YOUR SON'S ROOM - they have been very fortunate to be allowed to use it at all. It is his private space - he needs it now, and he should have it.

The girls can learn that sometimes you just have to suck things up in this life, whether you want to or not.

Yep!

Your update is heart breaking. Your poor son.

Your DP needs to take a back seat and stop thinking he runs the household.

It's your house and your son's room.

Why?

It's not their home. It's somewhere that they stay for a couple of days when visiting their dad.

TBH, I don't think I would have ever let either of them into the son's room at all - it's a private space.

Let the partner pay for his girls to stop in a hotel with him every time they come if they won't share.

All of this.

If DP doesn't like it, he can go and stay in a hotel.

It's your home and your son's home. I can't imagine ever telling my child they can't come and stay when they needed it. And certainly not a very young adult child, still at Uni, and struggling.

Be very clear with your partner that this is non-negotiable. Get through this period, helping your son. Then think carefully about whether you really do want to stay with your partner.

Over my dead body would i send my son to a hotel in this situation. Here's an idea, the girls share, son has his room back and DP is sent to a hotel he pays for himself, preferably in Outer Mongolia the nasty b'stard.

Your DP sounds like a complete dick.

This, in bucket loads. Put your son before your partner. He’s trying to drive a wedge between you.

You’ve got to be a proper kind of asshole to tell a crying 20 year old lad he can’t come back to the family home and he needs to get a hotel.

He’s upset about his late father’s death and his Stepdad doesn’t want him home. Christ! I can see why he was crying. Those first few weeks at uni can be hard for even the most confident of kids.

OP I really feel for you. I’m sure you didn’t see this situation coming when you started your relationship with your P. I’m sure he made an effort initially to seem to empathise with your DS.
Then likely you and DS were optimistic about his going to university and starting to new chapter etc. Followed by the disappointment and worry with not only DS’s MH but your P’s nasty attitude when DS was at home.
Now the heaviest weight on your mind is DS’s and his problems and future and you’re having to be distracted by your P’s prattish behaviour.
What I am trying to say is that you need to look after your own mental/emotional well-being so you can care for and protect your DS.
Tell P enough is enough and you need quiet time with DS and he needs to make himself scarce for at least the weekend, with hid DDs.
Then you need support to help you feel strong enough to make decisions about the next several years, at least. Online counselling may be useful if you can afford it.
Good luck and hug your boy

@SuperCamp You were doing really well until you suggested that the OP should pay for him and his DD's to go away for a weekend.🙄

No she really shouldn't

@jopejob511 it’s your house so you decide who sleeps where! Your boyfriend and his daughters can find somewhere else to stay if they don’t like the arrangement. That bedroom is your son’s! Even if he’s away at Uni, it is still his room! I would make the girls share permanently so your ds is free to come home to HIS bed and HIS room whenever he wants. It’s more his house than your step daughters and your boyfriend. Put your son first.

Of course they should share on this occasion. In most families bedrooms are shuffled around to accommodate family guests.

YANBU.
Your son gets a room.
it is his house too.

Not read the thread but you are not being unreasonable and I’d be rethinking the relationship

Except they don't come and stay for a couple of days. It's in the OP that they "come every other week and stay for a week" ie 50% of the time.

I think OPs son should definitely get his room back, but it's wrong to say the girls don't live there.

Your poor DS!

When I was having a rough time at university my DF took me away for a weekend and we went and stayed in a hotel in a tourist place we'd never been to, walked the town together, had a lovely time. And not with his partner but just him and me, I had all of him. It meant the world, I've never forgotten it. It is not easy to always have to share your parent with strangers, particularly ones who don't much like you.

The girls have their own room but they’re f DS is there then they need to share. End of.